Citadel In House - An open letter

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February 26th, 2011

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matt_bomer
11:12 pm - An open letter
Dear Client,

I don't like being peed on.

No, really. This is not a trip to grandma's house; I shouldn't have to ask you if you've gone to the bathroom before we begin. We're all adults here, or at least we're supposed to be, and honest to god I am not that scary. On the other hand, that's why you come to me. I play the part of the dom who wants what he wants when he wants it. You pay me to be that guy. I'm getting paid to tell you what to do, and to yell at you when you get it wrong. How is this difficult to grasp? So when I yell at you, when I get in your space, when I make demands--could you maybe just not. pee. on. me?

I've been doing this for a long time. It's not as if this is a common occurrence, but one too many is one too many, even over years of being a professional. For the love of all things holy and small fluffy kittens, pee before you see me.

I'm billing you for the dry cleaning. And replacing my new shoes.

Sincerely,
Matthew Bomer

(Leave a comment)

Comments:

[User Picture]
From:[info]tyler
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:01 am (UTC)
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Matthew. No. Not your new shoes.

You bought them on sale!
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:03 am (UTC)
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Screw you and your italics.
[User Picture]
From:[info]tyler
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:04 am (UTC)
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Teach me to be sympathetic to your plight.
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:05 am (UTC)
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Then let me pee on your shoes.
[User Picture]
From:[info]tyler
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:06 am (UTC)
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What does having sympathy for you--which you threw back in my face--have to do with letting you pee on my shoes?
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:07 am (UTC)
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You don't have sympathy for me. I can taste your sarcasm from here.
[User Picture]
From:[info]tyler
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:08 am (UTC)
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What does sarcasm taste like?
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:09 am (UTC)
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Black licorice. Which is icky.
[User Picture]
From:[info]tyler
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:10 am (UTC)
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You're so cute I could just ruffle your hair.
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:27 am (UTC)
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I am not a puppy.
[User Picture]
From:[info]tyler
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:38 am (UTC)
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Look at the picture you just used for that comment, and tell me you're not a puppy. That's total puppy face. You're about to pout, Matthew.
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:39 am (UTC)
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That's not a puppy face! That's my angry face. Grr!
[User Picture]
From:[info]luv_kat_lacerda
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:05 am (UTC)
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Well, seems to me you could've had him lick clean your shoes, she said reasonably.
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:06 am (UTC)
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You know, that's not something I'm into, but it's not a bad idea to consider for the future.
[User Picture]
From:[info]tyler
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:08 am (UTC)
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You're trying reasonable with Matt? You're a braver woman than I am... if I were a brave woman. Or a woman at all.
[User Picture]
From:[info]luv_kat_lacerda
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:11 am (UTC)
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There was that time in Courchevel . . .
[User Picture]
From:[info]tyler
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:13 am (UTC)
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I thought we swore never to speak of that publicly.
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:16 am (UTC)
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So let's not where I can see it, please? Please??
[User Picture]
From:[info]kevin_ryan
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:18 am (UTC)
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I think too many people witnessed it for you to pretend it didn't happen, Jase.
[User Picture]
From:[info]tyler
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:21 am (UTC)
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Damn. And I thought that the whole 'pics or it didn't happen' thing would save me.
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:21 am (UTC)
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I don't have pictures, so I can pretend it didn't happen. This thing, whatever it is, that I know nothing about and do not acknowledge.
[User Picture]
From:[info]luv_kat_lacerda
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:25 am (UTC)
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Why . . . I don't know what you all are talking about. Little ol' me is simply speaking of the time that he braved the cold to bring me chocolate, she says innocently. You know . .. braver than me?
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:26 am (UTC)
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Ah, there, you see? Our Jason, hero, knight in shining armour, bringer of chocolate to lovely ladies!
[User Picture]
From:[info]kevin_ryan
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:26 am (UTC)
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You're as lovely as ever, Kat. But not any better at lying than you used to be.

How've you been?
[User Picture]
From:[info]luv_kat_lacerda
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:30 am (UTC)
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Fabulous. Absolutely amazing. I'd tell you all about it but I'm afraid I'd turn up with a few less fingernails or with a paddle print permanently denting my ass.
[User Picture]
From:[info]kevin_ryan
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:34 am (UTC)
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We can't have that. Call me sometime--I'm local again, for now anyway.
[User Picture]
From:[info]luv_kat_lacerda
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:49 pm (UTC)
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Oh lovely! Soon, dearest, soon.
[User Picture]
From:[info]tyler
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:33 am (UTC)
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Okay--in all not-teasing-Matt seriousness--I don't blame you for being frustrated. Even though we're professionals, working in the kink/sex industry, we've still got a right to limits, just like clients do. I'm pretty sure that watersports are marked a 'no' on your checklist, and since I know it's happened to you more than once, more than twice, maybe more than half a dozen times, it's pretty not cool for it to keep happening.
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:34 am (UTC)
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And the thing is--this guy? Has done it to me on multiple occasions. And I'm about to cut him off completely and tell him not to come back. I mean, I'm clearly not that much of a monster, if I keep letting him come back. Right?
[User Picture]
From:[info]tyler
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:37 am (UTC)
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See... if it was just random people each time, I'd just say you had really bad luck. The same person doing it multiple times though? Either it's not an accident (bad choice of words, considering the topic, I suppose), or he's just not getting that if this is an issue for him, he needs to be planning for it in advance, by hitting the bathroom before he plays.

I'd say you either do need to cut him off, or you might have to do the 'going to Grandma's house' talk. Because seriously, those really were nice shoes.
[User Picture]
From:[info]luv_kat_lacerda
Date:February 27th, 2011 07:49 pm (UTC)
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You may want to speak to him, too, about seeing a doctor. Might be that he can't help it. But I'm in agreement with Jason. If he's walking on a hard limit, you have no obligation to keep accepting his appointments.
[User Picture]
From:[info]cit_travis
Date:February 28th, 2011 12:17 am (UTC)
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*blinks then falls over laughing* Mate, that's just...*continues to laugh* Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't laugh. If you can scare a man into peeing on your shoes, maybe you're more RAWR than I thought! *falls over laughing*
[User Picture]
From:[info]matt_bomer
Date:February 28th, 2011 12:25 am (UTC)
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My dear little koala, if you didn't already think I was RAWR enough, then I'm clearly doing something wrong.
[User Picture]
From:[info]cit_travis
Date:February 28th, 2011 02:09 am (UTC)
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Oh no! No, not at all! Definitely enough "rawr", I've just never seen said 'rawr' produce spontaneous leakage!
[User Picture]
From:[info]cit_zack
Date:March 6th, 2011 08:07 am (UTC)
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Been there, done that. Though I got a good pair of leather pants ruined.
Perhaps you are just too damn scary.

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