July 10th, 2010
|matt_bomer||10:36 pm - An Open Letter|
To the person who keeps eating my yogurt:
I work hard for my paychecks. I like having the luxury of buying organic yogurt. It's very tasty. I'm sure you've noticed this, as for--literally--the past ten days, every time I have gone to grab a yogurt for a snack, it's been missing from the refrigerator.
The first few days, I chalked this up to having to share a refrigerator with my coworkers, and these things happen. Perhaps those first few days, you thought the yogurt was yours. Honest mistake, these things happen.
Then it happened for the fourth day in a row, and I was annoyed. Still, shared refrigerator, coworkers, these things do happen, but I was annoyed. Day five. Go for my snack. Yogurt missing.
Guess what happened on days 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10? That's right! My yogurt was still disappearing.
Please stop eating my yogurt. Seriously! You owe me $10, but I will do you the favour of chalking this up to honest mistake, provided my yogurt remains with my food come my shift on Tuesday night.
If it does not, I will find you and shake you down for that $10.
Matt Bomer, LA
|Date:||July 11th, 2010 04:47 am (UTC)|| |
You are a girl.
A high school girl. No. A junior high school girl.
With frilly panties.
Dude, that's my FOOD. My money! For ten days! It has to stop.
|Date:||July 11th, 2010 04:52 am (UTC)|| |
It took you ten days to say anything, man. TEN days.
Who's afraid of the big, bad dom?
nobody... 'cause he eats organic yogurt.
|Date:||July 11th, 2010 04:56 am (UTC)|| |
Please. I can think of way better ways to annoy you than stealing your food.
True. And you're really good at it.
|Date:||July 11th, 2010 04:59 am (UTC)|| |
Aw, pumpkin. You say the sweetest things. I love you too. Kisses.
|Date:||July 11th, 2010 05:03 am (UTC)|| |
My rates are available at the concierge desk.
You know what I think? I think it's time for me to whip your ass at cards.
Your organic yogurt for 10 days only cost you $10? Seriously mate, for just $1 a container, how good could the stuff be?
I didn't eat your yogurt, can't stand the stuff, but I'll buy ya some frozen yogurt if you want to grab one at lunch.
|Date:||July 11th, 2010 09:10 am (UTC)|| |
He buys the teeny tiny little containers that only have enough yogurt for a doll. Or a teenaged girl.
And he only buys them on sale, because he's cheap. I mean... thrifty. No, I was right the first time--I meant cheap.
Uhg! Not sure how anyone stands the stuff, really. If it's not frozen and in a cone, it's not worth having. Then again, that sort of takes the 'healthy' out of it, yeah?
There's nothing wrong with cheap unless it makes you buy those godfuckingawful generic potato chips. hehe
Okay, yes, Jason's right--I buy it on sale. I buy almost everything on sale. Because I am thrifty.
And hey--frozen yogurt sounds awesome. Thanks, man.
So you're NOT cheap then? You buy the good chips?
You bet. Hunt me up. There's a little place just a few minutes from here makes the absolute best!
I only buy good potato chips. I like salt and vinegar.
I have some free time right now. I'll come find you so I can ignore Jason.
Spike your yogurt.
Do it once. Do it right. And you won't have a problem again.
Okay, definitely the best suggestion I've heard.
I owe you concert tickets or a kick-ass pair of shoes. Your choice.
Shoes are always a good choice.
Excellent. I hope I do not disappoint with my choice--unless of course you'd rather I didn't surprise you, and would rather pick something else out. Do let me know. I already have a few ideas...
I've got a solid alibi.
But next time I'm in town, I'm so taking your yogurt hostage.
Also, spiking the yogurt is a fantastic idea. Just remember not to eat it yourself when the culprit doesn't steal it because they know it's spiked because they read this thing too.
Stuart, you're too smart for your leathers.
Come bend over my knee.
If that's the reward for being smart, I'm going to college.
She still remembers my two favourite words.
Solid alibi, huh? A likely story!
Maybe I should just stop bringing snacks that need to be kept refrigerated. Of course, with my luck, someone would start taking my sandwiches.
Very solid alibi. I'm not even on the same continent.
Ten times in a row, though. I dunno. Sounds like someone's deliberately targeting you.
I suppose being on a different continent will suffice as an alibi.
I don't want to think that somebody's doing it on purpose. I didn't take yogurt today.
So someone took my apple. I don't even know anymore.
Oh, mate. Someone's definitely targeting you. You might need spy gadgets. A private investigator. A forensics team. (If you hire Abby from NCIS, I will totally fly out there and distract her from her work.)
You need to find out who, though, because seriously? That's someone just begging to be caught and punished.
|Date:||July 15th, 2010 12:01 am (UTC)|| |
Begging and punished... Stuart, aren't those your two favorite words?
No, no, no. My two favorite words are 'bend over'. Begging and punished are in the top five, though.