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darksumomo ([info]darksumomo) wrote in [info]clairvoyantwank,
@ 2008-08-24 16:19:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current location:Home
Current mood:*sporfle!*
Current music:Freeway Noise
Entry tags:entitlement, fanfic, sex

Cracked.com makes lemonade out of lemons

The 5 Most Baffling Sex Scenes in the History of Fanfiction

When traveling in the vast, anonymous, lawless expanse known as the Internet, it's a given that you're going to run into some weird shit. Maybe none of it is weirder than the world of erotic fanfiction.

This is where fans lovingly write up tales of, say, Legolas and Gimli going at it, in excruciating detail. But dig deeper and you find stories featuring such random matchups of character that it'll send your mind, and boner, reeling:

Captain Jean-Luc Picard Meets Elrond From Lord of the Rings; Sex Ensues

Fred and George Weasley from Harry Potter Hook Up With Lance Bass of N*SYNC

Frank N. Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show Meets a Highlander

Indiana Jones Has His Way with Lord Voldemort

Dr. McKay From Stargate Atlantis Beds a Comic Strip Character Somehow
 

The mocking continues in the comments (151 of them) with surprisingly little wank at first, even from some of the authors, who make cameos and take the mocking in good humor.  Had it stayed like that, I might have posted this over in [info]fandom_lounge.  However, the wank from the Indiana Jones fans starts up in the later comments.  They seem to blame the Harry Potter fans.  It looks like there might be more wank on the horizon.


(Post a new comment)


[info]witty
2008-08-25 02:59 am UTC (link)
Reams and reams of fanfic and those are the five craziest examples they can think of?? I'm disappointed.

...Why am I not surprised it's Dr. Jones's fans who have flipped their lids? I'm going down the list and it's like, "Yeah, I could see that. I... think I did see that one. Oh, that totally happened. Are you kidding? McKay would fall at the feet of Barbara Gordon!" But Voldemort? Over Karen Allen? No way.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]seiberwing
2008-08-25 03:04 am UTC (link)
That's what I was thinking. At least they're all human/humanoid, you know?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]okalintu
2008-08-25 02:59 pm UTC (link)
My thoughts exactly.

As a random and crazier example, where were the Giant Squid/Hogwarts fics? Or the Transformers fics with a gigantic robot/human pairings?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]bienegold, 2008-08-25 04:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]blankverses, 2008-08-25 05:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bienegold, 2008-08-25 06:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jadeleopard, 2008-08-25 07:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]darksumomo, 2008-08-26 07:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]insanityprelude, 2008-08-25 10:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lyssa, 2008-08-25 11:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ultimi_scopuli, 2008-08-26 03:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lyssa, 2008-08-26 04:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]okalintu, 2008-08-26 10:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]omgpolarbear, 2008-08-25 10:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]blue_penguin, 2008-08-25 11:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]anon_a_mouse, 2008-08-27 07:21 pm UTC

[info]brown_betty
2008-08-25 03:00 am UTC (link)
I totally know the FrednGeorge/Lance Bass one they're talking about!

And it's awesome, and I say this as someone allergic to popslash.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]cassildra
2008-08-25 03:07 am UTC (link)
I liked it, too! I'm not usually a slash fan at all, but that was a well-written one.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]mireille
2008-08-25 04:35 am UTC (link)
I recognized it too! I loved that fic, and at the time I hated popslash.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mireille, 2008-08-25 04:36 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]atalantapendrag, 2008-08-25 01:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mireille, 2008-08-25 01:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]schmendrick, 2008-08-25 05:00 pm UTC

[info]jar
2008-08-25 08:42 am UTC (link)
I was going to say that! And I don't real popslash either.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]msmanna
2008-08-25 02:49 pm UTC (link)
And it's awesome, and I say this as someone allergic to popslash.

As someone who loves popslash and is allergic to Harry Potter, I also think it's a great story. But then it's by Calico, so of course it would be.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]lizrocks
2008-08-25 06:23 pm UTC (link)
I love how yours and every comment re: yours says "Ewww, popslash!" and not "Ewww, Twincest!"

(Not complaining. Just think it's funny.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]mllesatine
2008-08-25 07:35 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, I knew this one, too.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]theladyfeylene
2008-08-25 04:45 am UTC (link)
It says something that my only reaction to that little list was 'dude, someone else has done a Rocky Horror/Highlander crossover? SWEET!'.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]ninwhore
2008-08-25 10:09 pm UTC (link)
Who... Is that in your icon?

He looks really familiar but I just can't place it and it's driving me CRAZY.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]theladyfeylene, 2008-08-25 10:20 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ninwhore, 2008-08-25 10:26 pm UTC

[info]solle
2008-08-25 07:46 am UTC (link)
Throughout the story, the writer makes the very bold assumption that Lance Bass is a treat no questionably gay wizard could bear to pass up. Bypassing even "ass," "cock" and "twin," the most commonly uttered phrase in the story is "It's Lance Bass!" as though this is all the motivation a healthy wizard boner needs.

Oh, internet.

(Reply to this)


[info]autumnyte
2008-08-25 01:01 pm UTC (link)
Bwah! The photomanips killed me dead. I do kinda wish they'd included at least one cracked out het pairing, though.

And damned if I don't want track down that Fred/George/Lance fic.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]msmanna
2008-08-25 02:54 pm UTC (link)
For your reading pleasure.. You should check out the rest of Calico's popslash while you're there. They're all awesome cakes with awesomesauce. Try Relief for hot and fun, or cuisine for something a more serious.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]autumnyte, 2008-08-27 09:35 pm UTC

[info]pipssister
2008-08-25 04:28 pm UTC (link)
Am I the only one who thinks Cracked.com tries too hard to look like cool, ironic nerds and comes out looking like jerks invoking the Geek Hierarchy as if they thought of it themselves?

... just me, then.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]harcourt
2008-08-25 04:39 pm UTC (link)
Nope, not just you. Sometimes they are funny, but sometimes, stuff like this being a prime example, one just thinks You had the whole internet, and *that's* what you came up with?. I mean, really. I've read Jack Harkness/Giant Space Whale.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2008-08-25 04:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]harcourt, 2008-08-25 05:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]m_butterfly, 2008-08-25 08:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cygnia, 2008-08-25 10:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]m_butterfly, 2008-08-26 04:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sparkysrevenge, 2008-08-25 09:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]wook77, 2008-08-26 02:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]moonjaguar, 2008-08-25 07:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jupiterpluvius, 2008-08-26 02:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lyssa, 2008-08-25 11:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pipssister, 2008-08-25 11:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lyssa, 2008-08-26 12:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2008-08-27 03:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]felinephoenix, 2008-08-29 03:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lyssa, 2008-08-29 06:51 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]felinephoenix, 2008-09-02 04:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]blue_penguin, 2008-08-25 11:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]braidedbaka, 2008-08-26 12:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]felinephoenix, 2008-08-29 03:47 pm UTC

[info]sandyclaws68
2008-08-25 06:20 pm UTC (link)
What, no baffling, mind-numbingly horrible het scenes made the list? I know they're out there. *shudders*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]m_butterfly, 2008-08-25 08:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sandyclaws68, 2008-08-26 01:50 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]m_butterfly, 2008-08-26 04:42 am UTC

[info]pastri_archy
2008-08-25 08:16 pm UTC (link)
Pssh. Cracked.com doesn't know the meaning of 'cracked out pairing'. Expand your minds, folks. Expand your minds.

(Reply to this)


[info]sparkysrevenge
2008-08-25 10:02 pm UTC (link)
...So you can't be a Harry Potter fan and an Indiana Jones fan? RIIIIIIIIIGHT.

Those hardcore hardcore hardcore Indy fans are weird. They said I couldn't like Batman and Indy both this year. I was like, "Bite me. I do."

Hmm, Batman/Indy. Now that's something I'd like to see. I'd indulge in my childhood a little.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sopdetly, 2008-08-25 11:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sparkysrevenge, 2008-08-27 03:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chrissytng, 2008-08-25 11:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sparkysrevenge, 2008-08-27 03:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]coyotegirl, 2008-08-26 07:49 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2008-08-27 03:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sparkysrevenge, 2008-08-27 03:52 am UTC

[info]sparkthatbled
2008-08-25 11:49 pm UTC (link)
Didn't they even trawl the Crack Pairing entry on TV Tropes? What wasted potential!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sparkthatbled, 2008-08-25 11:51 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]skeleton_key, 2008-08-26 12:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]darksumomo, 2008-08-26 08:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]amxjm, 2008-08-26 03:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bienegold, 2008-08-26 08:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chlorhexidine, 2008-08-26 05:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]grapefruitzzz, 2008-08-26 02:44 pm UTC

[info]chrissytng
2008-08-25 11:54 pm UTC (link)
I usually like Cracked's lists, but this was rather disappointing. I've read far worse than what the offered up here. After all, my first internet fandom was Harry Potter. So in regards to Indy/Voldy, uh...Hogwarts/Giant Squid, anyone? Dobby/socks? Cracked clearly didn't look hard enough, lol. (Though given what they already have maybe they chickened out and were scared to look further?)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]msmanna, 2008-08-26 01:39 am UTC

[info]grapefruitzzz
2008-08-26 02:40 pm UTC (link)
My brother, a Digg fan and net noob, posted me the original link. I posted back the fandom_lounge "lulz n00bs" response. He later said that most of the confusion in his part of the net was from trying to get characters together canonically rather than the ghey. Such as "No but where exactly does Agent Smith get to meet Elrond? Which city is it in? Why are they both there at the same time?"

(Reply to this)


[info]electricwitch
2008-08-27 06:24 pm UTC (link)
Oh for Christ's sake, the average crazy het fanfic by clueless misogynist boys is so much worse, and so much stranger. Ramming through cervixes and vaginas in thighs galore.

But I guess those dweebs think that's all totally accurate anatomy and A+ girl-sexing.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]felinephoenix, 2008-08-29 03:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]electricwitch, 2008-08-29 03:46 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]felinephoenix, 2008-08-29 03:48 pm UTC

[info]anonyrat
2008-09-02 02:30 am UTC (link)
I hope they don't find out about that fanfic I wrote a long time ago where I sorta slashed Aouda from Around the World in Eighty Days and the Greek goddess Eris. :O

(Reply to this)


 
   
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