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Subject:A Look Back Into the Past...
Time:10:54 am
HP Essays: The Weasleys analyzes the family and what could happen in Deathly Hallows.

Scroll down to the comments, and the usual players are very much in evidence. :P They really haven't changed in six years.

Bonus Fanfic Link: http://www.potionsandsnitches.net/fanfiction/viewstory.php?sid=2571

This is actually a story that sprang from MarionRos on to my post of What Might Have Been about how the movie contaminated how disrespectful Harry was in the book and how anyone with eyes could see that Severus was the good person while Harry was the bad one. (That is the simplified version) In the review she/he stated that Harry owed Severus something at the end of the year. (I'll let you read to figure that one out.)

How... charming.

ETA: Oh hey, folks. Snape_Sanity comm by sailorlum. :P
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Subject:DTCL has been frantically making up for lost time.
Time:01:37 am
Current Mood:aggravated
They're cracking right through Deathly Hallows and posting more nasty-minded meta designed to praise all Slytherins and trash every Gryffindor and/or member of the Order in which JKR is villified as well. In other news, water is somewhat damp, Marvin the Martian wants an Earth Shattering Kaboom, and the hobbits were taken to Isengard.

In which Hermione is not only a rapist, but also a murderer, and Tonks and Remus wanted Harry to die so Teddy could inherit )

Also, Dumbledore is Twinkles again.
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Subject:Gryffindors are Foolish! News at 11.
Time:05:15 pm
terri_testing has apparently not toddled off to greener pastures yet (and I'm still holding out for the incredible Battle Royale that would happen if thanfiction got into an Internet brawl with the Snapewives/Severusmoms!) and has decided to take another run at the Gryffindors-are-brainless-fuckwits theme these folks like to hammer on.

How did our clever and cautious arch-Slytherin let himself get manipulated into doing such a foolishly Gryffindorish thing as to make an Unbreakable Vow with Draco’s mother—and without so much as requiring her first to spell out her terms?

Had he learned nothing at all from his previous blank-check dealings with Tom and Albus?

And then...
So. Let’s remember Luna’s maxim (in my fanfic “Protean Charm”) for figuring out the machinations of the smartest


Oh look, trying to write half-rhetorical questions in the Red Hen's style, check
Using first names all over even when it's just pretentious writing, check
Using her fanfic as canon, check
SLYTHERINS RULE GRYFFINDORS DROOL, check.

I think we need a Snapedom bingo card or something. :P

(EDIT: sailorlum's SLAIN rules. :) )
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Subject:Unusually silly meta from terri-testing
Time:08:20 am
Avada Kedavra was invented by Jews. (They may have a shield against it too, though in that case I’d have expected Tom to find it. However, he wouldn’t have shared, so absence of evidence is not evidence of absence). Its use in 1718 Europe to slaughter a family’s beef cow signified that that wizard family was trying to keep kosher. Avada Kedavra was not made Unforgivable because it’s the Killing Curse. It was made Unforgivable originally because it’s that filthy Jewish killing curse.

I think I find this meta more obnoxious than terri-testing's average because it comes across to me as if she wants to subtly hint that the books are anti-Semitic. As if because *terri-testing* associates something that the books portray as bad with Jewish people (and is the only one I've seen to come up with that particular association), terri-testing would like to explain that this is JK Rowling's fault.
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Subject:RedPassion rediscovers Hobbit love.
Time:07:04 pm
Current Mood:amused
So, RedPassion has re-discovered her love of the titular Hobbit. And she was sad that Bilbo apparently had no love interest. Enter Ylondra, "daughter king Brilios', king of time and space of Terira looks like an ordinary human girl of the age of 20." And yes, the damn character looks the same, right down to the anime features and the unnaturally red hair. Bonus where she says that Ylondra is her 'second real OC', thus indirectly admitting that both Emilys are the same person regardless of backstory.

I realise that this isn't technically Snapewank, but it's RedPassion giving Bilbo the same treatment she gives Snape and Louis, so...
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Subject:Quick Link Round-Up
Time:09:47 pm
Marionros recommends fanfic. O_o

And Mary_j_59 has another run at making ~Severus~ heroic.
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Subject:Just when you think you've seen all the Snapewank...
Time:08:59 am
Today I found out (thanks, wank report mouse!) that there is a comm where ~Severus~ must be as HORRIBLE as possible. :P

Cue the inevitable wankery when even a moderate Snape-is-not-that-much-of-a-git fic gets submitted. Result of the tl;dr: Ensnarryed (who I vaguely recall from seeing fic recs on FictionAlley) wiped out everything of hers - LJ, fics, etc.

It's a month old, but I thought I'd highlight it because the over-the-top reaction from ensnarryed seems typical of these "Severusmoms" who can't possibly bear the idea that their darling ~Severus~ might have been just a tiny bit of a bad person.
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Subject:A small one but kinda... illustrative, so to say.
Time:07:16 am
I don't know about you guys, but this Snape "defense" seems to be less about "defending Snape" and way more about justifying his actions and flaws because OMG HE WAS BULLIED AND TORTURED BY STUPID JAMES AND HIS GOONS.

It's Tumblr, I know, but sheesh.
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Subject:Ah, will wonders never cease...
Time:10:24 pm
So now the DTCLers are doing HBP.

And as you might expect regarding a book in which ~Severus~ features so strongly, the Snapfen and Severusmoms and Snapewives poured out of the woodwork. Praising Snape and of course trashing JK Rowling in the process.

Including the ever classy marionros.

JKR is very, very middle class: she hates aristocrates (they're meanies who hunt foxes and think they're better than her!) and her idol is Jessica Mitford, The Debutante Who Ran Away From Home And Joined The Communist Party (she even named her daughter Jessica in honor of her). Her loathing of the Upper Class shows in her books, with 'purebloodism' (whatever that may be) as being the Root of All Evil, and all her 'baddies' being of 'rich, snobbish, pureblood Ancient Houses'. As a good little Middle Class girl, she naturally abhorrs things like foxhunting, which she sees as the ultimate example of why the Upper Class is evil, and so we have Bellatrix who kills foxes with glee and that Black great aunt who wanted to legalize the hunting of muggles.


How much of that crazy cakes is even close to being a realistic discussion of JKR, anyway?

At least thank God the serious apologia for Death-Eaterism is mostly absent in the comments on that thread.
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Subject:Once again, Harry is the Bad Guy...
Time:11:56 am
As terri_testing on DTCL would love to have us believe.

At the last moment that Harry was conscious, it was Harry who was the aggressor deliberately causing his foe unbearable agony and grievous bodily harm—Quirrell was merely struggling to escape.

Of course, it could indeed be the case that Twinkles realized that “the effort involved nearly killed” Harry as well as Harry’s victim, and intervened to save the boy’s life, not the man’s.


And for bonus lulz, more stupid names for Dumbledore. I haven't wanted to karate headdesk in a while now, but I think I could use that Nerf desk pretty soon.

The thing the nitpickers in the fandom ignore is the fact that in a children's tale like the Philosopher's Stone, it's practically a staple of the genre that the adults are foolish or unobservant, and it's up to the children to save the day, confront the Big Bad, and win (mostly) unharmed.

But no, they have to rant about how OMG if Harry had just KEPT HIS HEAD DOWN AND BEEN A NICE LITTLE SWOT AND BEEN GOOD AND KIND TO DEAR ~SEVERUS~ then he never would have OMG ENDANGERED THE STONE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!111oneoneone

I mean, consider the "Narnia" novels - why else are they so popular? Because they are well-written fantasies of this kind of genre, featuring teenagers who do difficult, adult-type tasks and reap the rewards thereof.

terri_testing is just as ridiculously annoyingly sour about this series as she was years ago when the STFU started noticing her weird fanfic.

EDIT: Oh christ, why did I read the comments D: fucking marionros and her crazy bakery of crazy got in there like a four-ton lorry.

EDIT 2: "I'm not a Dutchwoman, but I sincerely doubt Dutch citizens are required to let themselves be shot in these circumstances." - aasaylva in reply to marionros

*gigglesnorts*

Also?

"Now, as a Dutch woman, I would certainly be charged for assault and possesion of a lethal weapon if I managed to kill, say, a rapist with a gun, and possibly for murder as well." - as spake by marionros

This is not reasonable or sensible (then again, marionros is fond of inhaling the crazy cakes by the trainload). If Dutch laws are anything like Canadian laws, the doctrine of meeting force with reasonable force would apply and a person using a knife in self-defence would likely NOT be charged with said offences. Also, LOL at the "I'm Dutch! LOOK AT ME I'M DUUUUTCH!" thing.

EDIT 3: "Yeah, Dumbledore I like even less than Umbridge. He's perhaps the only character to inspire true, undiluted disgust in me." - condwiramurs

BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD.

I wish there was a better name than "crazy cakes" for what these people are consuming because HOLY SHIT I JUST DO NOT EVEN.
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Subject: Lily alienated all her own friends and the other Order members couldn't trust her in a fight.
Time:02:26 pm
Current Mood:dorky
It's been a while since deathtocapslock has trotted out some Lily-blaming Severus-woobiefying NiceGuyism, hasn't it? Luckily, oneandthetruth has rectified this unfortunate omission. Let me see if I can summarise it in one sentence:

See, the thing is, Lily not only dumped off poor Severus in such a horrible heartless way as to scare all her other friends into dumping her before she could do the same to them and also boasted like a narcissistic narcissist, but also she and Remus failed to be anything like the heroic black soldiers in WW2 who experienced racism yet fought to protect their society and everyone (including the racist assholes) in it, because since Lily so heartlessly dumped Severus no member of the Order could trust that she'd have their back if they hurt her fee-fees by accident.

...okay, it was a long sentence. )

I swear to God, I don't get this huge hate-on they have for Lily and Remus - two characters who were both actually supportive of Snape and tried to make others treat him with respect despite his bigoted behaviour, until he finally did something so awful that it made them just go 'nopenopenope'.

Also, JKR is the real racist and misogynist in the equation, as usual. And she woulda got away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling DTCLers!
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Subject:Deathtocapslock don't like us much. In other news, they don't like Harry Potter either.
Time:01:53 am
Current Mood:awake
ONTD publishes a list of "Ten Of The Most Epidemically Overrated Books". Harry Potter is not on that list.

Deathtocapslock does not approve of this omission. For 120 comments.

Dedfromsnake and HMS_STFU get an honourable mention )
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Subject:harrypotterconfessions and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Time:01:59 am
So, there's this blog on tumblr called harrypotterconfessions, and as the name may suggest, it's like a HP-specific tumblr version of fandom_secrets. And, like fandom_secrets, some of them are confessions for a very good reason. Namely, that some HP fans want to make sure that I Don't Want To Live On This Planet Anymore.

For some reason, today had a few incredibly bizarre confessions, namely the following: (note, links all go to my tumblr and the reblog responses I left on said confessions).

Skillful Voldemort rules and Mediocre Harry drools!

Remus was never a true Marauder or a close friend to James and Sirius, but Peter totes was!

Voldemort taught me to hope that I could achieve my dreams of immortality and bloodshed.

And some blasts from the (recent) past:

Sirius, you totes abandoned Harry by going to Azkaban/dying, boo you whore!

Seven year old me only hated Ginny because she ruined Harmony (AKA "Holy shit, a Harmony fan accidentally some self-awareness, is that bad?")

Snape was a creepy stalker to Lily! Bonus content: my reponse to a reblogging full of the inevitable Snapologist woobiefication.

If you even knew what love was, you wouldn't be creeped out by Snape hugging dead Lily! Why would Snape waste his time bothering with crying baby son-of-man-he-hates when he was none of his concern? Besides, Snape knew he'd be fine!

Hagrid and Arthur Weasley screwed me Hermione over, so I hate them (and the books) now I'm all grown up. Bonus content: my response to a reblogging containing the inevitable Harry-never-grew-up whining.

If my future kids don't like Harry Potter, I'll lock 'em in the cupboard under the stairs! That'll learn 'em!
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Subject:Minor fic-recommendation Slytherwank from TVTropes
Time:02:59 pm
Okay, so, this was really just an isolated incident, but I had to post it here because the fic he's recommending sounds exactly like the kind of thing we're dedicated to mocking.

Continue... )

Anyone know anything about this fic, and if it's as bad as it sounds?
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Subject:Deathtocapslock still doesn't like Pottermore. But JKR is worse for not liking the number 4.
Time:01:01 pm
Mary_j_59 admits on deathtocapslock that she joined Pottermore out of curiosity to see if she'd be sorted into Slytherin and what her wand is, etc. (Is it bad that when I joined Pottermore the other day, that just like Harry I prayed for 'not Slytherin, not Slytherin' precisely because of these losers? I didn't want to be in any house they identified with.)

Mary_j_59 is also cheesed off that JKR doesn't like the number four and that she finds the number 'hard and unforgiving', but she's pleased that Rowling convinced the publishers to keep the imperial measurements. This had somehow managed to inspire 54 wanky comments by the time I saw it. )
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Subject:Snape is Boo Radly and Atticus Finch. Ask rattlesnakeroot how.
Time:01:51 pm
Current Mood:Mystified
Rattlesnakeroot thinks that Severus Snape is Boo Radly.

No, really.

Also, JKR should not give out tidbits of her character's lives in interviews about her exceedingly popular book series.

Snape is also totes Atticus, BTW. )

Note: this came out about five days after the 'Snape's Muggleness' article. Guess she's still butthurt about Snape losing in the Mugglenet March Madness vote.
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Subject:Snape's Muggleness
Time:12:31 pm
Current Mood:Unrepentant
RSR rants about Snape's Muggleness. Because she's upset about Snape losing in the the Mugglenet March Madness, and this is somehow associated with why Snapeykins is a misunderstood woobie, because if fans understood him he would have won.

Wherein Snape obviously loves his daddy, and Harry wishes Snape was his daddy. )
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Subject:Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death(tocapslock)
Time:11:35 am
Current Mood:amused
Sweettalkeress starts off with 'A Humourous Anecdote' (you liar) referencing what appears to be a particularly strange fanfic. Deathtocapslock runs with it (of course) and blithers on about how baaaaaaaad Deathly Hallows is.

Also, we have a new nickname: JKR dittoheads. )
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Subject:Snape is the New Chuck Norris acto:rattlesnakeroot
Time:01:15 pm
Current Mood:disappointed
Rattlesnakeroot urges people to vote for Snape in the Mugglenet March Madness Event. Okay, fair enough, I mosey'ed on over to mugglenet, thought 'hey, this looks fun', and voted quite happily for the characters I like too, even when some matchups are painfully unfair - does anyone really think that Pomona Sprout could possibly win more votes than Harry Potter? Or that Cho Chang will get more votes than Remus Lupin? Or that more people will vote for Lavender Brown than Albus Dumbledore? I might have voted for Cho, at least, but alas, she's up against my favourite adult character in the series, so no.

The odd part is when RSR seems to encourage people to vote for Kreacher over Tonks, Filch over Fred Weasley, and Dudley over Colin Creevey. Now, I'm all for voting for minor characters and showing your support, especially when you know that the popular one will win the vote anyway - hence the fact that I genuinely voted for Flitwick over Snape. Snape will win that match anyway, so why not show my liking for Flitwick? But somehow it's odd that she's directing us to them in particular, as though she really thinks that three ultimately unlikeable characters, (two of which got some redemption and depth, admittedly) deserve more votes than three characters, two of them well-loved by the fandom, who gave their lives in the Battle of Hogwarts?

The sidesplittingly LOLarious part is where she states in large font "And Remember: Snape is the New Chuck Norris", and puts up images to try and reinforce this. No, really.

ETA: You can vote as many times as you like, so Cho did end up getting a vote from me too.

ETA 2: The first round is over. The winners have progressed to the next round. Voting is open for the second round. Ginny vs Tonks and George vs Hagrid seem to be the closest fights so far.

ETA 3: Some jerk-off appears to have hacked the Mugglenet servers and is running a script in several of the matches to ruin the votes. Examples? Scrimegour is winning against Harry, Buckbeak is winning against Ron, and Petunia is winning against Albus Dumbledore. We'll have to wait and see what Mugglenet does about this.

ETA 4: Voting fixed, third round active. Apparently they're still allowing multiple votes, which at this point is silly.
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Subject:Oh Tumblr. What are we going to do with you?
Time:12:15 pm
Okay, since I don't know where else to put it due to the HMS_STFU being closed from a while ago, I'm showing you something that showed up on my tumblr dashboard:

http://ladymacbethbitches.tumblr.com/post/18872617476/characters-fucked-over-by-jkr-revised

Warning! Possible triggers ahead. And a whole bucket of idiocy and JKR hate )
Where do we start? Bashing Lily for being dead and a mom, bashing Ginny for being a teenage girl, bringing up the infamous "rapist centaurs" stuff, bashing Molly while holding up Bellatrix as OMG feminist model, etc.
comments: 32 comments or Leave a comment Add to Memories Tell a Friend

[icon] He farts rainbows and is ded from snake.
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