He farts rainbows and is ded from snake.

Subject:	--oneandthetruth explains how Rowling is part of the American Tea Party again...
Time:	05:46 pm

Previously on deathtocapslock, charlottehwyd makes the intuitive political guess that Rowling has a "bootstraps mentality", has never been known to mention luck or welfare benefits as important in her life, and supports the cutting of welfare in the United States because Rowling feels that

charlottehwyd's autistic sister doesn't work hard enough. Now oneandthetruth has her tale to share of how the books would have been better if only Rowling was not a fanatically religious member of the United States Tea Party.

I recently read the excellent book, God’s Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn’t Get It, by Jim Wallis. An evangelical minister(1), Wallis is one of the founders of Sojourners Magazine (available on the Internet at sojo.net) and a promoter of “prophetic politics.” He points out that all the great American social movements, such as the abolition of slavery, women’s suffrage, and the civil rights movement, were born out of Christian beliefs and led by believers. He adds that biblical prophets such as Isaiah and Amos were the social critics of their day who weren’t afraid to stand up to the rich and powerful and demand justice for the poor and oppressed.

Such as the Slytherins.

As I read about this definition of prophesying, I couldn’t help comparing the exciting, dynamic, and eminently useful kind of prophecy Wallis is describing with the Harry and Voldemort prophecy and all the silliness related to it.

Go read Macbeth and Lord of the Rings and a hundred thousand stories with prophecies like the HP one in them, oneandthetruth, and then go tread on a Lego.

What if there had never been a Lord Voldemort?

I don’t mean, what if there had never been a Tom Riddle? I mean, what if, instead of having been born a potential psychopath (since considerable research shows a strong hereditary component to psychopathy), Tom had been born a potential prophet in the biblical sense? What if he had been born a gentle, deeply spiritual boy who saw the injustice and pain in the world and, instead of trying to exploit it to gain power for himself, tried to heal it?

What if there wasn't a story?

What if, instead of using his magic to kill animals and torture other children in the orphanage, he used it to heal and help others, like little Severus tries to do with the sick “Muggle baby” in terri_testing’s story, “Father of the Man”?

Look, I read this fic about Voldemort before. It was by Lady K. d'Azrael, and it was absolutely bloody hilarious.

Imagine Tom using his formidable intelligence and charisma to inspire his followers to create a society based on equality and compassion. Imagine Rev. Tom Riddle leading a social reform movement similar to the ones led by Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi.

Because the genocidal Dark Lord was exactly, exactly, like... *brain break* Gandhi's thoughts on a certain real world genocidal dictator can be questioned, but somehow I don't think oneandthetruth meant to go there.

Because the truth is, Tom Riddle was right: Magical society was severely messed up. It was profoundly unjust, exploitative, prejudiced, and corrupt. His solution was what was wrong. He wanted to remake it in his own image, but his image was one of complete selfishness, tyranny, and exploitation. If his own image had been one of goodness, charity, and love, the resulting society would have been vastly better rather than worse.

Yes, and if Lucius Malfoy was born farting out unicorns and puking up cute kittens, the wizarding world would have been a better place. If Bellatrix Lestrange had been raised by a loving and kind pair of Muggle psychologists who got her on some appropriate medications, the wizarding world would have been a better place. Bleah.

And this is ridiculous because Marionros and oneandthetruth think Dumbledore was a manipulative power hungry sociopath. So she's okay with Voldemort being a manipulative power hungry benevolent ruler who'd take over for all the right reasons really? Sounds like she almost likes canon Dumbledore after all.

Self answering question:

How would Dumbledore have reacted to Tom when he went to the orphanage? Would a predatory psychopath like him view Tom as a threat or a potential patsy?

You know, I bet Dumbledore the predatory psychopath would have RAPED HIM (and beaten him and sent him to bed without any dinner). Poor little Tom.

Which House would Tom have been in at Hogwarts? Surely he would have chosen to be put in the most despised House because that’s where he was most needed, but which House would that have been?

Hufflepuff.

From what we know of Head Boys, they tend to be people who appear to support the status quo and don’t overtly threaten the power of the school’s administrators, such as Albus, Canon Tom, James, and Percy. Would Prophet Tom also have become Head Boy, or would he have been seen as too dangerous to put in a position of such power?

You sound remarkably surprised that Head Boys are chosen among other reasons for ability to get along with the teachers.

Would the future of wizarding society come down to a confrontation between Dumbledore and Prophet Tom? If so, what would this look like? Would Albus try to ruin Tom’s good name so he could stay in control? Would he still found the Order of the Phoenix to counteract Tom’s reforms, only now it would be more like the Tea Party rather than a paramilitary group?

Scumbledore, made from mostly apples, would use horrifying dark magic on poor innocent Tom, who would defeat him by farting rainbows as in that particularly excellent Snape parody fic whose title presently escapes my mind.

Tom would foster solidarity between human and nonhuman magical species. He would lobby for other sapient species such as goblins, centaurs, and elves to share equal rights with witches and wizards.

Because Voldemort was so kind and loving toward his giant and werewolf troops in canon.

Eventually, he would fight to have the Statute of Secrecy repealed and try to establish harmony between magical and non-magical people.

Bleah.

January 31st, 2012

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