He farts rainbows and is ded from snake.

A Look Back Into the Past...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 17:55:41 GMT

HP Essays: The Weasleys analyzes the family and what could happen in Deathly Hallows.

Scroll down to the comments, and the usual players are very much in evidence. :P They really haven't changed in six years.

Bonus Fanfic Link: http://www.potionsandsnitches.net/fanfiction/viewstory.php?sid=2571

This is actually a story that sprang from MarionRos on to my post of What Might Have Been about how the movie contaminated how disrespectful Harry was in the book and how anyone with eyes could see that Severus was the good person while Harry was the bad one. (That is the simplified version) In the review she/he stated that Harry owed Severus something at the end of the year. (I'll let you read to figure that one out.)

How... charming.

ETA: Oh hey, folks. Snape_Sanity comm by sailorlum. :P

DTCL has been frantically making up for lost time.

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 14:48:16 GMT

They're cracking right through Deathly Hallows and posting more nasty-minded meta designed to praise all Slytherins and trash every Gryffindor and/or member of the Order in which JKR is villified as well. In other news, water is somewhat damp, Marvin the Martian wants an Earth Shattering Kaboom, and the hobbits were taken to Isengard.

According to oneandthetruth, Hermione accidentally screwed up her parents' Obliviation and was forced to mercy-kill them: Look at that series of violent felonies. Try to forget it’s the life story of Hermione Granger, a character you thought you knew, and instead imagine it’s the case history of some anonymous teenager in a news story. Then tell me that murder is not the logical next step in the criminal career of someone with that record.

But never fear! All is not lost for Hermione, as oryx_leucoryx rushes to assure us: Re: Hermione suddenly claiming she never performed a memory charm - there are fanfics where it turns out she was covering for someone else (well, Severus) who arranged the protection of her parents.

OATT also thinks that Buffy is better and smarter than Harry. (I freely admit this one is probably YMMV, not having seen much Buffy or its spinoffs. Anyone who watches it got an opinion?)

Sunnyskywalker hypothesises that maybe Remus forgot that contraceptive potion as an alternative to the idea that Tonks, the Auror, deliberately got pregnant in a time of war to bind her husband to her (although sunnyskywalker also thoughtfully provides a long list of ever-so-plausible alternative possibilities) and danajsparks provides the possibility that Remus (and possibly Tonks was in it as well) asking Harry to be the godfather was money-grubbing for Teddy - because you know those poor people, they don't ever care about a rich person, they just wanna kill them and take their money.

Either way, oneandthetruth's opinion that 'No way is Lupin the father. He's such a wimp, he doesn't have the equipment to father children' (which IIRC was used to prop up the reading of Lupin as homosexual) is remembered much to OATT's delight, and 600ants likes this because it's similar to her perceived motivation for Lily: Reminds me of my golddiger!Lily theory. You know, that Harry conceived so promptly was just a way to make sure James's money *will* go her way. :-) Hey, it's not *my* awful sexist prejudice! I'm just trying to think like Rowling. :) No, of course it isn't a DTCL-er's prejudice. It never is.

Also, Dumbledore is Twinkles again.

Gryffindors are Foolish! News at 11.

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 00:18:18 GMT

terri_testing has apparently not toddled off to greener pastures yet (and I'm still holding out for the incredible Battle Royale that would happen if thanfiction got into an Internet brawl with the Snapewives/Severusmoms!) and has decided to take another run at the Gryffindors-are-brainless-fuckwits theme these folks like to hammer on.

How did our clever and cautious arch-Slytherin let himself get manipulated into doing such a foolishly Gryffindorish thing as to make an Unbreakable Vow with Draco’s mother—and without so much as requiring her first to spell out her terms?

Had he learned nothing at all from his previous blank-check dealings with Tom and Albus?

And then...

So. Let’s remember Luna’s maxim (in my fanfic “Protean Charm”) for figuring out the machinations of the smartest

Oh look, trying to write half-rhetorical questions in the Red Hen's style, check
Using first names all over even when it's just pretentious writing, check
Using her fanfic as canon, check
SLYTHERINS RULE GRYFFINDORS DROOL, check.

I think we need a Snapedom bingo card or something. :P

(EDIT: sailorlum's SLAIN rules. :) )

Unusually silly meta from terri-testing

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 20:53:24 GMT

Avada Kedavra was invented by Jews. (They may have a shield against it too, though in that case I’d have expected Tom to find it. However, he wouldn’t have shared, so absence of evidence is not evidence of absence). Its use in 1718 Europe to slaughter a family’s beef cow signified that that wizard family was trying to keep kosher. Avada Kedavra was not made Unforgivable because it’s the Killing Curse. It was made Unforgivable originally because it’s that filthy Jewish killing curse.

I think I find this meta more obnoxious than terri-testing's average because it comes across to me as if she wants to subtly hint that the books are anti-Semitic. As if because *terri-testing* associates something that the books portray as bad with Jewish people (and is the only one I've seen to come up with that particular association), terri-testing would like to explain that this is JK Rowling's fault.

RedPassion rediscovers Hobbit love.

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 08:18:45 GMT

So, RedPassion has re-discovered her love of the titular Hobbit. And she was sad that Bilbo apparently had no love interest. Enter Ylondra, "daughter king Brilios', king of time and space of Terira looks like an ordinary human girl of the age of 20." And yes, the damn character looks the same, right down to the anime features and the unnaturally red hair. Bonus where she says that Ylondra is her 'second real OC', thus indirectly admitting that both Emilys are the same person regardless of backstory.

I realise that this isn't technically Snapewank, but it's RedPassion giving Bilbo the same treatment she gives Snape and Louis, so...

Quick Link Round-Up

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 05:49:47 GMT

Marionros recommends fanfic. O_o

And Mary_j_59 has another run at making ~Severus~ heroic.

Just when you think you've seen all the Snapewank...

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 17:04:00 GMT

Today I found out (thanks, wank report mouse!) that there is a comm where ~Severus~ must be as HORRIBLE as possible. :P

Cue the inevitable wankery when even a moderate Snape-is-not-that-much-of-a-git fic gets submitted. Result of the tl;dr: Ensnarryed (who I vaguely recall from seeing fic recs on FictionAlley) wiped out everything of hers - LJ, fics, etc.

It's a month old, but I thought I'd highlight it because the over-the-top reaction from ensnarryed seems typical of these "Severusmoms" who can't possibly bear the idea that their darling ~Severus~ might have been just a tiny bit of a bad person.

A small one but kinda... illustrative, so to say.

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 10:21:29 GMT

I don't know about you guys, but this Snape "defense" seems to be less about "defending Snape" and way more about justifying his actions and flaws because OMG HE WAS BULLIED AND TORTURED BY STUPID JAMES AND HIS GOONS.

It's Tumblr, I know, but sheesh.

Ah, will wonders never cease...

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 05:28:35 GMT

So now the DTCLers are doing HBP.

And as you might expect regarding a book in which ~Severus~ features so strongly, the Snapfen and Severusmoms and Snapewives poured out of the woodwork. Praising Snape and of course trashing JK Rowling in the process.

Including the ever classy marionros.

JKR is very, very middle class: she hates aristocrates (they're meanies who hunt foxes and think they're better than her!) and her idol is Jessica Mitford, The Debutante Who Ran Away From Home And Joined The Communist Party (she even named her daughter Jessica in honor of her). Her loathing of the Upper Class shows in her books, with 'purebloodism' (whatever that may be) as being the Root of All Evil, and all her 'baddies' being of 'rich, snobbish, pureblood Ancient Houses'. As a good little Middle Class girl, she naturally abhorrs things like foxhunting, which she sees as the ultimate example of why the Upper Class is evil, and so we have Bellatrix who kills foxes with glee and that Black great aunt who wanted to legalize the hunting of muggles.

How much of that crazy cakes is even close to being a realistic discussion of JKR, anyway?

At least thank God the serious apologia for Death-Eaterism is mostly absent in the comments on that thread.

Once again, Harry is the Bad Guy...

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 18:58:37 GMT

As terri_testing on DTCL would love to have us believe.

At the last moment that Harry was conscious, it was Harry who was the aggressor deliberately causing his foe unbearable agony and grievous bodily harm—Quirrell was merely struggling to escape.

Of course, it could indeed be the case that Twinkles realized that “the effort involved nearly killed” Harry as well as Harry’s victim, and intervened to save the boy’s life, not the man’s.

And for bonus lulz, more stupid names for Dumbledore. I haven't wanted to karate headdesk in a while now, but I think I could use that Nerf desk pretty soon.

The thing the nitpickers in the fandom ignore is the fact that in a children's tale like the Philosopher's Stone, it's practically a staple of the genre that the adults are foolish or unobservant, and it's up to the children to save the day, confront the Big Bad, and win (mostly) unharmed.

But no, they have to rant about how OMG if Harry had just KEPT HIS HEAD DOWN AND BEEN A NICE LITTLE SWOT AND BEEN GOOD AND KIND TO DEAR ~SEVERUS~ then he never would have OMG ENDANGERED THE STONE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!111oneoneone

I mean, consider the "Narnia" novels - why else are they so popular? Because they are well-written fantasies of this kind of genre, featuring teenagers who do difficult, adult-type tasks and reap the rewards thereof.

terri_testing is just as ridiculously annoyingly sour about this series as she was years ago when the STFU started noticing her weird fanfic.

EDIT: Oh christ, why did I read the comments D: fucking marionros and her crazy bakery of crazy got in there like a four-ton lorry.

EDIT 2: "I'm not a Dutchwoman, but I sincerely doubt Dutch citizens are required to let themselves be shot in these circumstances." - aasaylva in reply to marionros

*gigglesnorts*

Also?

"Now, as a Dutch woman, I would certainly be charged for assault and possesion of a lethal weapon if I managed to kill, say, a rapist with a gun, and possibly for murder as well." - as spake by marionros

This is not reasonable or sensible (then again, marionros is fond of inhaling the crazy cakes by the trainload). If Dutch laws are anything like Canadian laws, the doctrine of meeting force with reasonable force would apply and a person using a knife in self-defence would likely NOT be charged with said offences. Also, LOL at the "I'm Dutch! LOOK AT ME I'M DUUUUTCH!" thing.

EDIT 3: "Yeah, Dumbledore I like even less than Umbridge. He's perhaps the only character to inspire true, undiluted disgust in me." - condwiramurs

BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD.

I wish there was a better name than "crazy cakes" for what these people are consuming because HOLY SHIT I JUST DO NOT EVEN.

Lily alienated all her own friends and the other Order members couldn't trust her in a fight.

Thu, 23 Aug 2012 04:37:32 GMT

It's been a while since deathtocapslock has trotted out some Lily-blaming Severus-woobiefying NiceGuyism, hasn't it? Luckily, oneandthetruth has rectified this unfortunate omission. Let me see if I can summarise it in one sentence:

See, the thing is, Lily not only dumped off poor Severus in such a horrible heartless way as to scare all her other friends into dumping her before she could do the same to them and also boasted like a narcissistic narcissist, but also she and Remus failed to be anything like the heroic black soldiers in WW2 who experienced racism yet fought to protect their society and everyone (including the racist assholes) in it, because since Lily so heartlessly dumped Severus no member of the Order could trust that she'd have their back if they hurt her fee-fees by accident.

oneandthetruth: Of course, there is no proof Lily did that [boasting about being Head Girl and 'catching' a rich pureblood]. But this kind of behavior accords with the assertion some people, most notably marionros, have made about Lily’s being a narcissist. Narcissists love to brag about themselves anyway (think Dumbledore in King’s Cross), and a triumphant narcissist would be worse than normal.

Why, why, why can't they just STFU about narcissism? Why do they have to be so unclassy? Why don't they realise that their attitude of 'only a psychologically unbalanced author whose self-centredness is at pathological levels would have failed to cater to my desires via my favourite character' says WAY more about their own fundamentally self-centred worldview than it says anything about JKR or the characters she considers heroes?

oneandthetruth: I can’t help comparing Lily and Remus as prefects with the black American soldiers who served in World War II. These men fought and died for their country, even though they had been the victims of vicious racism at home and knew they would be again once the war was over. They realized many of the people they were fighting for were disgusting bigots who didn’t consider them fully human. They usually weren’t even allowed to serve in the same units as white soldiers. Many of them were only a few years older than Lily and Remus. Yet despite all that, they put their sense of duty ahead of their personal feelings and risked their lives for all Americans, regardless of how loathsome many individuals were. That is why they are now considered groundbreaking heroes.

Right. Lily definitely didn't stand up to risk her life in order to fight for the protection of a society where many people who would never consider themselves bigoted patronisingly pat her on the head and say 'wow, you're really good at magic considering your heritage' all her life. Remus absolutely didn't risk his life twice in two different wars, fighting and spying in order to protect a society where the majority of citizens would never even see people with his disease as fully human, to the point where many of his fellow sufferers were desperate enough in the first place to listen to any voice that promised change. Nope, they just weren't brave, self-sacrificing or heroic at all, like those soldiers ~~and SparklySevvypoo~~. Nuh-uh!

oneandthetruth (cont):Imagine having Lily as a comrade in the Order. You will go into battle with her and trust her with your life. You’ll expect her to have your back, no matter what.

What if you say or do something wrong while under pressure? How do you know that, when you need her the most, she won’t turn her back on you, too, and leave you at the mercy of your enemies? If she could do that to someone she’d been friends with almost half her life, why wouldn’t she do it to you as well?

Oneandthetruth really does seem to think that Lily would abandon an Order member to certain death just for saying something harmless like 'that's not your colour, dearie' or 'this cake you made is a little dry', or that most inoffensive of unfortunate comments 'I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like you'. Snape used a racially-based hate word that outright stated that her heritage made her dirty, thus hurting Lily badly enough that she couldn't trust him anymore, not the other way around.

And then there's the comments:

anglerfish07: You raise some excellent points here. Lily's friends might not have liked how she ended her friendship with Severus. I know the characters were teenagers at the time and teenagers can do awful, hurtful things that they regret later once they're adults. Yet only one person in SWM changed for the better. All parties behaved badly here, but only Severus apologised for his behaviour and learnt from it. Severus became an adult who told Phineas Nigellus not to use the word Mudblood and died fighting against Voldemort (and Voldemort persecuted non magic users and people with non magical parents. Please excuse me - I don't like using the word 'muggles', it sounds ridiculous to me).

Because, of course, only Snape is actually capable of becoming better! James didn't straighten up his act enough for Lily to give him the time of day before their marriage, oh no! Remus didn't grow a spine and learn to pick his battles so he could stand up for those who are being bullied, like Neville, against their bullies, like Snape. (Oh but shit Remus stood up to Snape so regardless of reason still Evuhl Marauder picking on their angel, clearly)

oneandthetruth (again): What we see of their relationship clearly indicates it was deteriorating before "the mudblood incident." But Lily wasn't straight with Severus and didn't just tell him she didn't want to be friends any more. Instead, she waited for him to screw up so she'd have an excuse to break it off and blame it on him, knowing that his social awkwardness and the pressure he was under would cause him to do something wrong sooner or later. Then she laid a (life-long) guilt trip on him on top of that, acting like it was all his fault, and the insult was the only reason she was ending it.

Not only is it unreasonable to think that maybe Lily didn't think that he was guaranteed to fuck up, that maybe she thought better of him than OATT does, but also acting like someone saying a racial slur (when they know full well it's offensive) is their own fault is really quite unfair and if someone feels bad about hurting you that way, that's your responsibility to fix too. After all, we all know that when Snape perpetrates, it's the job of his victim to hurry up and reassure him, after all! This is why Lily was obliged to walk him through the 'The Reason You Suck' speech as an explanation for ending the friendship rather than assuming (wrongly, as it turned out) that her friend had the brains and the decency to figure it out for himself, especially since she'd previously expressed her concerns. This is also why Remus was obliged to comfort the man who breached Remus' medical privacy and endangered the pair of them when they were both teenagers, by showing his fellow grown-up and teacher exactly how well he takes his medicine so that Snape knows that if he decides to do it again, Remus will no longer inconveniently have the symptoms that might mean Snape's jackassery has unpleasant consequences for Snape.

I swear to God, I don't get this huge hate-on they have for Lily and Remus - two characters who were both actually supportive of Snape and tried to make others treat him with respect despite his bigoted behaviour, until he finally did something so awful that it made them just go 'nopenopenope'.

Also, JKR is the real racist and misogynist in the equation, as usual. And she woulda got away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling DTCLers!

Deathtocapslock don't like us much. In other news, they don't like Harry Potter either.

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 16:23:36 GMT

ONTD publishes a list of "Ten Of The Most Epidemically Overrated Books". Harry Potter is not on that list.

Deathtocapslock does not approve of this omission. For 120 comments.

One thread includes us and our parent comm HMS STFU, with some particular attention brought to sarahfrost's post here.

Oneandthetruth: The rabid canon whores of the HP fandom do seem to be less intelligent than the questioners. For example, I needed a dose of rank stupidity a few months ago, so I looked at dedfromsnake. One of the members had ripped into the post I made about the AU scenario of Tom Riddle being a spiritually-developed social reformer. This um, person--I'm trying really hard not to call names here--insisted that I had called JKR both an American and a Tea Partier. Not just once, but multiple times!

I checked the post in question. Sarahfrost referred to the Tea Party twice, once in her title and once in her introductory paragraph. Both times her usage was as a sarcastic introduction to the post proper, based on past deathtocapslock attitudes/behaviour/claims regarding JKR. The only time the Tea Party was mentioned in all seriousness was an excerpt from oneandthetruth's own quotes. Whoops.

oneandthetruth: They all eagerly jumped on the bandwagon, trying to outdo each other in talking about how stupid, mean, and crazy I am. Anyone who lacks (1) such basic reading comprehension skills and (2) the ability to think independently is clearly of inferior intellect. That's not a personal attack; it's a statement of fact.

Not even going to comment on the reading comprehension skills (their total lack of self-awareness never fails to surprise me), but anyone who talks about how an obviously mentally disturbed young woman deserved to be raped doesn't get to complain when other people talk about how 'stupid, mean and crazy' they are. And THAT is a statement of fact.

oryx_leucoryx: So does this mean Severus fans are the greatest threat to Rowlingbots?

No, it means ism-riddled entitled anti-fans who think they're the absolute authority on a book series that they are outright proud of not having read for years are the greatest threat to fans who actually like to read the books.

oneandthetruth: They're really a pathetic bunch, not worthy of contempt, just sad head-shaking--kind of like Tush Limbo calling women who use birth-control pills sluts.

As opposed, say, to a bunch of people who believe a successful author of a beloved book series to be an actual narcissist based on the fact that she didn't write the books the way they wanted her to? Or a bunch of people that jump through countless hoops to excuse a fictional bunch of Fantastic Racists in all sorts of racist, misogynist, victim-blamey ways? Or someone who says that a mentally disturbed rape victim (admittedly an Asshole Victim) deserved it? Note that when it's a fictional Asshole Victim of an incident that can't be proven to be rape or even sexual in any way, deathtocapslock just can't be indignant enough on poor dear Umbridge's behalf.

harpsi_fizz: (Note: I'm sorry, but you people go into shires like Portkey, specific places where fans go to be left alone and enjoy themselves, and you raid their forums to mock them? You are bad. It's one thing if it's a public pan-fandom forum, but when you go to a place like Portkey, you're legit looking for things that will make you angry. That is inexcusably bullying and I defy you to state one reason why it's ok to do that. You can't. You're wrong. You are bullying and you know it and you know in your hearts that you were 100% in the wrong.)

Okay, harpsi_fizz, I'll give you a reason: BECAUSE CALLING OUT ISMS AND OTHER OFFENSIVE BULLSHIT IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS VALID. That's why. Because there is no such thing, and should never be any such thing, as a safe space for offensive bullshit. Any opinion can be mocked, but offensive and hurtful opinions SHOULD be.

I never cease to be annoyed by how the very same people who wank about Arthur Weasley being a hypocrite for bringing a car home to enchant when he works in Misuse Of Muggle Artifacts are the same people who seem to honestly believe that forums designed for a specific sub-section of fandom (like the one they're on, total coincidence there) should be some sort of safe space for fans to say literally whatever the hell hateful, problematic thing they want and be left in peace to do so without the danger of being called out. HMS_STFU got set up in the first place partly because we knew from past experience with the fandom that not only would there be wank, but that much of it would be ismy and offensive and should be called out. And surprise surfuckingprise, it was.

Sorry that our existence forces you to deal with the idea that a 'safe space' where you can say whatever you want and not get called on it might not be something you're entitled to, but... eh, who am I kidding. No I'm not.

harpsi_fizz also doesn't like Tumblr: I beg you, please, please, please stay on text-based forums with clear comment-and-reply systems when it comes to the Harry Potter fandom. I have traveled to other areas of the internet and seen the versions of fandom there, and though the lands are rich with pretty pictures ready for mining, the inhabitants there are savages, ignorant in the ways of communication, self-indulgent, and have mastered the art of ignorance alchemy so that they can form their stupidity into poison darts and shoot it at unsuspecting people. It causes a severe, instantaneous inflamatory itch in the rage sections of the victim's brain and it can last for weeks. Worst of all, there's no chance of getting the antedote because it's all Guerrilla warfare in the most literal Wikipedia definition of the term.

And the imperialistic lingo comes out, with the savages of tumblr contrasted to civilised, educated comms like, say... DTCL. Jesus God, do I get sick of their constant focus on academic achievement, and constantly boasting of said achievement, being the sole marker of a worthy person. Complaining that tumblr is full of pretty pictures and short comments that are high on squee is like complaining that your phone gives everyone access to you, even people you don't want it to. That's kind of what it was made for. For all the stupidity I've complained about on tumblr myself, I've seen quite a few genuinely clever, insightful and thoughtful discussions of fandom and real-life issues on there as well.

harrypotterconfessions and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Tue, 22 May 2012 16:19:05 GMT

So, there's this blog on tumblr called harrypotterconfessions, and as the name may suggest, it's like a HP-specific tumblr version of fandom_secrets. And, like fandom_secrets, some of them are confessions for a very good reason. Namely, that some HP fans want to make sure that I Don't Want To Live On This Planet Anymore.

For some reason, today had a few incredibly bizarre confessions, namely the following: (note, links all go to my tumblr and the reblog responses I left on said confessions).

Skillful Voldemort rules and Mediocre Harry drools!

Remus was never a true Marauder or a close friend to James and Sirius, but Peter totes was!

Voldemort taught me to hope that I could achieve my dreams ~~of immortality and bloodshed~~.

And some blasts from the (recent) past:

Sirius, you totes abandoned Harry by going to Azkaban/dying, boo you whore!

Seven year old me only hated Ginny because she ruined Harmony (AKA "Holy shit, a Harmony fan accidentally some self-awareness, is that bad?")

Snape was a creepy stalker to Lily! Bonus content: my reponse to a reblogging full of the inevitable Snapologist woobiefication.

If you even knew what love was, you wouldn't be creeped out by Snape hugging dead Lily! Why would Snape waste his time bothering with crying baby son-of-man-he-hates when he was none of his concern? Besides, Snape knew he'd be fine!

Hagrid and Arthur Weasley screwed me Hermione over, so I hate them (and the books) now I'm all grown up. Bonus content: my response to a reblogging containing the inevitable Harry-never-grew-up whining.

If my future kids don't like Harry Potter, I'll lock 'em in the cupboard under the stairs! That'll learn 'em!

Minor fic-recommendation Slytherwank from TVTropes

Wed, 09 May 2012 20:23:22 GMT

Okay, so, this was really just an isolated incident, but I had to post it here because the fic he's recommending sounds exactly like the kind of thing we're dedicated to mocking.

So, in TVTropes's Harry Potter thread, we were having a discussion about whether or not Hogwarts should've taken in baby Harry rather than sending him off to the Dursleys to protect him. This led to one member describing Dumbledore (not in a derogatory way) as a "superb troll," citing the scene in the first book where he gives the House Cup to Gryffindor at the last second. On this topic, he says:

I've seen people actually criticize him for this. Like those Nazi wannabes didn't deserve it.

"Nazi wannabes" of course being the Slytherins. To this, Cthulboohoo says...

Maybe they wouldn't have all been nazi wannabes if they hadn't all been treated like nazi wannabes.

JK's making a large house of children always chaotic evil racists is one of the most glaring flaws of the entire series.

Okay, fair enough, I for one am fascinated by Slytherin House and wish we could've learned more about it, and I really don't like that typo in the final battle scene. However, then, in comes The Handle, who recommends a fic dealing with this very subject to Cthulboohoo, and, well, get a load of this synopsis:

Alianza is a fic in spanish that goes about the adventures of Albus and Scorpius in postwar britain, and drives that point very firmly into the ground. After the Third War, Death Eaters didn't enjoy all the luxuries and advantages they had gotten right after Voldemort died, and were in fact outright oppressed (even those who had finished serving their nightmarish sentences at Azkaban) by the new regime, becoming practically pariahs. The Malfoys managed to garner some mercy, and didn't lose their wealth, but damn it took a long time for them to be readmitted into society.

Thankfully Harry is The Hero through and through, and challenges these preconceptions for the sake of doing the right thing. Though it costs him his marriage: turns out some Weasleys are as bigoted against ex Death Eaters as Death Eaters used to be themselves.

Because Death Eaters are just SO OPPRESSED, aren't they? Poor, POOR Death Eaters. And OF COURSE the Weasleys are the bad guys, too. It's not like the Death Eaters would've had them and everyone who thought like them executed, or at least had their rights greatly restricted, right?

Anyway, this later turned into a frankly quite interesting discussion about whether it's possible for fanfic to be better than canon, and if writers of fiction should take public opinion on their work into account while writing at all (which I contribute to, by the way; look for the Wither avatar), but I won't go into detail about that since it's not very Snapefenish. There is one rather wanky comparison of Deathly Hallows' quality to that of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in there, though.

Anyone know anything about this fic, and if it's as bad as it sounds?

Deathtocapslock still doesn't like Pottermore. But JKR is worse for not liking the number 4.

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 03:27:49 GMT

Mary_j_59 admits on deathtocapslock that she joined Pottermore out of curiosity to see if she'd be sorted into Slytherin and what her wand is, etc. (Is it bad that when I joined Pottermore the other day, that just like Harry I prayed for 'not Slytherin, not Slytherin' precisely because of these losers? I didn't want to be in any house they identified with.)

Mary_j_59 is also cheesed off that JKR doesn't like the number four and that she finds the number 'hard and unforgiving', but she's pleased that Rowling convinced the publishers to keep the imperial measurements.

First comment out of the box is oryx_leucoryx : The number issue is typical Rowling - her personal idiosyncratic preferences become a judgmental statement about the world. And doesn't it remind you of all those times Harry feels the world is mocking him by having weather that doesn't match his mood?

Where did they get the idea that JKR expects the world to not like the number four? It's a personal idiosyncracy, and she probably doesn't even know why she thinks that. She mentioned it precisely because it's a personal idiosyncracy - just a bit of interesting trivia for her fans, the way that when Harry notes that the weather is different to how he feels is a bit of in-universe trivia.

Marionros, meanwhile, runs with the notion of Harry wishing the weather would match his mood being Very Bad: This is, for me, what makes the Potter series so heinous and insidious; not because the lead character is a self-centered jerk who is never allowed to grow but that the author seems to think that the lead character is the bee's knees, the best and the noblest of all, that he really is the center of the Universe and that he is justified in thinking himself ill-served when the wether doesn't comply with his moods.

I know people like that and it seriously creeps me out to see such a worldview being sold as 'the best child lit this century'.

Will someone please tell me what exactly is so 'heinous and insidious' about Harry noticing a few times that the weather doesn't match his mood, or that JKR wrote a main character she didn't hate? Why would she not write a POV character she likes, since she's going to spend significant time (in her case, years) writing from inside his head?

mary_j_59 jumps in to point out that JKR is a BULLY WAH for playing a joke on her sister, that meanie. Oneandthetruth explains the dynamic between JKR and her sister: I think the real problem with JKR's sister is that she's the Aberforth to Jo's Albus, i.e., she doesn't think the sun shines out of Jo's butt. As I know from experience with my own sister, nothing sets a narcissist off more than not kowtowing to them. You can give in because you think they're wonderful, or you can give in because you're afraid to defy them, but you have to give in. The sister's perspicacious remark about Jo indicates she's entirely too insightful about Jo. That means she has to be crushed. If she can't be beaten down directly, then her causes have to be thwarted. It's pure childish spite. I've been subjected to the same crap from my sister--and she's seven years older than I am.

JFC, they are STILL internet diagnosing JKR as an actual narcissist and projectile vomiting their issues all over her. And of course, speaking of projectile vomit issues and narcissism... Marionros also has to motor on with her huge hate-on aimed at JKR herself this time: I'm sure that Little Jo sat brooding in her room in that house, angrily kicking the furniture, often enough, especially after her mum had given her a 'home-haircut', making her look stoopid, and made her wear 'stoopid, boring clothes', or worse, made her wear hand-me-downs', and fantasized about being not really her parents kid at all. No, she was special, not like these boring old fogeys at all! She was a foundling... or a witches' Changeling! That was it! That's why they always made her eat her greens and made her wear stupid clothes and give her stupid haircuts and loving her little sister better than her! She was special and they were not and they were just JELLUS!! And her stoopid maths teacher at school was mean for always picking on her when she was stairing into space instead of at the blackboard! He was just MEAN! And probably an evil sorcerer as well! And everybody hated him! And those who didn't..., well, that was just because THEY were mean and evil as well!!

What is marionros' problem with misspelling the word 'jealous'? What is marionros' problem with misspelling the word 'stupid'? What is marionros' problem with Randomly Capitalising Words? What is marionros' problem with lovingly detailing out huge screeds of how Bad People She Doesn't Like Obviously Think And Feel? What is marionros' problem with flat-out needing to spew out vitriol at the Bad People, Fictional And Real, That She Doesn't Like?

In short? WHAT IS MARIONROS' FUCKING PROBLEM?!

Mary_j_59 agrees with marionros, as does charlottehywd: This is wonderfully said. It's such a breath of fresh air to be able to say these things without being attacked by fans, isn't it? Mary_j_59 takes one last jab by insisting that the Pottermore site has an anti-Slytherin censor, and wonders why she didn't see a single comment that questions canon. (Because it's a fucking official canon site, not a bigger fancier version of your little hate factory comms that cater to your own peculiar issues, that's why. Oh, and mary_j, GTFO of my Pottermore house.)

Snape is Boo Radly and Atticus Finch. Ask rattlesnakeroot how.

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 03:56:11 GMT

Rattlesnakeroot thinks that Severus Snape is Boo Radly.

No, really.

Also, JKR should not give out tidbits of her character's lives in interviews about her exceedingly popular book series.

But the point is that Harper Lee admits she is like Boo Radley, the observer, the person who is standing in the corner watching. And as a writer, when the book was over, she left it all there on Boo Radley's front porch. For the readers, for all of us, to figure out alone.

That is so different from J.K. Rowling who talked while she was writing, then talked in between books, then talked more when the movies came out, and on and on. Most of all, when the series was over and most of our questions were answered, she jumped onstage and began to tell us what he had just read, or tell us that our perceptions were wrong, or there was something wrong with us as readers because only she as the author had the answers. And that freaked out a lot of people, including me.

So, JKR is basically this huge attention whore, right? She keeps saying things about her characters and proving to people who misread that they did in fact misread! Oh, the humanity! Why can't she be more like Harper Lee, who wrote a classic book and then said very little about it, so that people can be free to misread all they like?

However, it's hard to imagine JKR writing Mockingbird and then saying she identified with anyone except Scout or Atticus. After all, in her own books she insists that her kinship is to Ginny, Hermione, Lupin, Harry, Lily and Dumbledore (all Gryffindors) rather than Snape, who is the watcher and observer - and guardian of children in our story. It's amusing to me because you can make a case that Snape is very similar to the widower Atticus Finch, even down to his Latin first name name. Interestingly she also used the name "Finch" for another character attacked by a snake in Chamber of Secrets - Justin Finch-Fletchly, a Muggleborn like Harry's mother Lily. And Justin (~justice?~) misjudges Harry on the basis of the ability to speak Parseltongue, just as Harry judges Snape too harshly for being Head of Slytherin and an ex-Death Eater.

Snape is a GUARDIAN OF CHILDREN! He's just like Atticus as well as Boo Radly, standing firm and outspoken against a bigoted society! Also, obligatory 'wah the Gryffindors' complaint. And misjudging someone for an ability they didn't even know that they had is slightly different from judging someone for joining a racist hate-crime group. But maybe that's just me.

In this case, Boo is the "sinister monster" with whom Harper Lee identifies. Just as Snape is the character in Harry Potter with whom so many of us identify, even though that is an unpopular thought, even with JKR.

Boo Radly is a man who is genuinely kind, and whose bad reputation is unearned and undeserved. Severus Snape is neither of those things. I'd say that the wizarding world's equivalent of Boo Radley would be either Remus Lupin or Sirius Black.

Note: this came out about five days after the 'Snape's Muggleness' article. Guess she's still butthurt about Snape losing in the Mugglenet March Madness vote.

Snape's Muggleness

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 02:37:22 GMT

RSR rants about Snape's Muggleness. Because she's upset about Snape losing in the the Mugglenet March Madness, and this is somehow associated with why Snapeykins is a misunderstood woobie, because if fans understood him he would have won.

(Yes, Muggleness, instead of "Mugglenet" on which the March Madness Game has now dwindled down to "Cheatin' 50-constant-points-ahead Hermione" versus "Harry-who-may-not-have-a-chance-against-the-Hermione-Fan-Juggernaut." I love the whining going on in the comments on Mugglenet about how it isn't fair if Harry wins because Hermione never wins anything. OMG - spare us the childish nonsense please! I'm embarrassed that I ever told anyone to play that stupid game in the first place.

I couldn't find any such pro-Hermione comments. And let's face it, she's only embarrassed because Snapey didn't win. She was certainly invested enough in him winning.

Ironically, Harry even wished that his father, James, might have been the mysterious "Prince." That's huge. That's as close as it gets in the books to Harry wishing for a father just like Snape, since Snape was the Prince, and not James.

No, it means that Harry was hoping to learn more about his dead father who he never got to know. If anything, it shows what a bad teacher Snape was, because as soon as he was presenting his knowledge seperately from his bad attitude, he was able to teach and teach well, and Harry enjoyed the learning. The only thing missing was Snape's shitty attitude, and all of a sudden it worked.

Well, in truth we know that Snape was capable of great love and sentimentality - yes, go ahead and scoff you rancid cynics as you always do, I don't give a damn. Run around in circles and post that on Ded From Snake if you can't help yourselves. Then please go back and read the books! Snape could have loved his mother and even his father - whose name he kept, unlike Tom Riddle/Lord Voldemort.

Well, since you asked nicely... Also, obligatory snort at her telling US to read the books. And keeping the name you were born with =/= love for the person who gave it to you.

And no . . . I don't have to be "fair" and dismiss Snape's character just to please other fans. What is this "fairness doctrine" of which you rant and rave? Guess what, kids? All characters are not created equal, and in novels clearly some are more important than others. That's true for Shakespeare as well as JKR, who said the books revolve around Snape, Dumbledore, Harry, and Voldemort - and clearly is true, even if you hate the fact. There is no debate left to be had about whether Snape is a main character - it's written in stone as of Book Seven. The insistance that it's your way or the highway is only maginalizing the anti-Snape crowd because you can't admit that you were wrong.

At what point did anyone deny, post-DH, that Snape was a main character? We just said that he wasn't a nice or particularly good person just because he sided with the right side. At least she admits that she isn't fair to other characters. But she still gets in the idea of marginalisation of Snapefen.

Then wobblerlorri gets in with the first reply, and it's a doozy right from the icon: In case anyone was wondering why SadiraSnape has been absent from CoS for about 2 months, it's mostly because I was completely over the Anti-Snape League and their ability to throw their half-baked, cast in stone rewriting of the entire Snape arc all over the place, yet Team Severus couldn't even hint at a different POV of Snape without getting a freakin' point or 4 month suspensions from The Thread That Shall Not Be Named.

She ACTUALLY THINKS that there's an Anti-Snape League, just waiting for a member of 'Team Severus' to innocently say something completely inoffensive so that they can pounce. They literally do not get (or do not want to get) that they get jumped on for faults in their own behaviour. No, we're just LOOKING for something to be offended about, since JKR proved us wrong with DH (note that they'll go back to the 'JKR said so' defense the moment it's something positive about Sevviekins).

They don't want a complex, shades of grey, ultimately human character skulking around. Severus Snape holds a mirror up to the reader, and forces him/her to ask, "Who in my life have I been completely wrong about? Who has suffered because of the way I treated them?"

That's a painful thing to consider. Those of us who can identify with Snape don't have as much trouble doing it, because we have gone out of our way to not be the bully. Maybe we had parents who helped us, maybe we had a few friends who didn't desert us when the going got tough, maybe we found happiness as adults.

Saint Severus and Snapefen. Going out of their way to not be bullies and to consider how others have suffered due to the way they treated them. I can't even.

And RSR's response? It just shocks me that someone always comes up with a new theory that's the opposite of the book, and then they are backed up by people who have been in fandom for years and ought to know better. It's nonsensical. They just can't let it go.

It's a thing of beauty, I tell you. (Edit to add a missing sentence).

Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death(tocapslock)

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 01:06:16 GMT

Sweettalkeress starts off with 'A Humourous Anecdote' (you liar) referencing what appears to be a particularly strange fanfic. Deathtocapslock runs with it (of course) and blithers on about how baaaaaaaad Deathly Hallows is.

oneandthetruth: DH has an idiot plot. Only someone who's on the same intellectual level as the characters in such a plot would fail to recognize this. Honestly, such tortured rationalizations show both how desperately bad DH is, and how desperate the JKR dittoheads are to rationalize its badness away.

Given oneandthetruth's habit of dumbing down anyone who disagrees with hir, I translate that as "anyone who actually liked the book that proved that Snapeykins wasn't the one to save the day after all is a big dummypants dittohead!"

marionros is cheesed off that a minor actress playing a Vulcan priestess in a Star Trek movie is wearing red lipstick when clearly green is more logical. (I get that one little thing can push you too far and make you think 'wait, no, I'm done' but the make-up department's choice of cosmetics for a one-scene actress? And she remembers being cheesed off about it 25 years later?)

The Elder Wand and Albus' stupidity and badness come in for the inevitable wank, and they're still insisting that the Elder Wand induces hubris in its masters, rather than hubristic people being the ones interested in mastering it in the first place.

Terri_testing's fanfics get trotted out as 'better than canon' once more, and Mary_j_59 references her own: It's a shame to keep coming back to one's own fanfic - but, before DH, I was convinced that it would be Harry's job to destroy the Horcruxes, and Severus's to actually kill Voldemort afterwards. A pity it didn't work that way! (I also had Harry willingly sacrificing himself to save Severus, and Severus getting bitten by Nagini.)

After DH, reallly, nothing makes sense any more. I still don't believe in the Elder Wand! Still less do I believe that Harry could have gotten mastery over Draco's wand simply by yanking it out of the other boy's hand.

"After DH, really, nothing makes sense any more. I still don't believe that Snape didn't get the glory of offing Voldie! Still less do I believe that Harry wasn't put in his place. If he'd willingly died to save ~*Severus*~, he would have redeemed himself despite being an utter arsehole! Wait, what do you mean it's the other way around?!"

Snape is the New Chuck Norris acto:rattlesnakeroot

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 02:23:36 GMT

Rattlesnakeroot urges people to vote for Snape in the Mugglenet March Madness Event. Okay, fair enough, I mosey'ed on over to mugglenet, thought 'hey, this looks fun', and voted quite happily for the characters I like too, even when some matchups are painfully unfair - does anyone really think that Pomona Sprout could possibly win more votes than Harry Potter? Or that Cho Chang will get more votes than Remus Lupin? Or that more people will vote for Lavender Brown than Albus Dumbledore? I might have voted for Cho, at least, but alas, she's up against my favourite adult character in the series, so no.

The odd part is when RSR seems to encourage people to vote for Kreacher over Tonks, Filch over Fred Weasley, and Dudley over Colin Creevey. Now, I'm all for voting for minor characters and showing your support, especially when you know that the popular one will win the vote anyway - hence the fact that I genuinely voted for Flitwick over Snape. Snape will win that match anyway, so why not show my liking for Flitwick? But somehow it's odd that she's directing us to them in particular, as though she really thinks that three ultimately unlikeable characters, (two of which got some redemption and depth, admittedly) deserve more votes than three characters, two of them well-loved by the fandom, who gave their lives in the Battle of Hogwarts?

The sidesplittingly LOLarious part is where she states in large font "And Remember: Snape is the New Chuck Norris", and puts up images to try and reinforce this. No, really.

ETA: You can vote as many times as you like, so Cho did end up getting a vote from me too.

ETA 2: The first round is over. The winners have progressed to the next round. Voting is open for the second round. Ginny vs Tonks and George vs Hagrid seem to be the closest fights so far.

ETA 3: Some jerk-off appears to have hacked the Mugglenet servers and is running a script in several of the matches to ruin the votes. Examples? Scrimegour is winning against Harry, Buckbeak is winning against Ron, and Petunia is winning against Albus Dumbledore. We'll have to wait and see what Mugglenet does about this.

ETA 4: Voting fixed, third round active. Apparently they're still allowing multiple votes, which at this point is silly.

Oh Tumblr. What are we going to do with you?

Fri, 09 Mar 2012 15:19:31 GMT

Okay, since I don't know where else to put it due to the HMS_STFU being closed from a while ago, I'm showing you something that showed up on my tumblr dashboard:

http://ladymacbethbitches.tumblr.com/post/18872617476/characters-fucked-over-by-jkr-revised

Obviously, there are too many to count, but these are the ones I found particularly offensive or egregious.

Lily Evans - (inarticulate for seven books. rendered as a silent symbol of a dutiful wife and mother. reduced to being placed on a pedestal so Snape can have his precious tragic arc.)
Ginny Weasley - (entire recovery arc from being possessed left off-page, and more or less forgotten about until JKR brings her back to be a love interest. she deserved so much more.)
Dolores Umbridge - (is raped by centaurs in order to be taught a lesson. and this is laughed at.)
Petunia Evans - (is invariably blamed and badly treated, despite that Snape did similar things to her and somehow all is forgiven with him.)
Sirius Black - (erasure of mental-health issues.)
Fleur Delacour - (demonized for being beautiful. borderline racist treatment.)
Cho Chang - (demonized for daring to sob about her boyfriend and defend her friend.)
Pansy Parkinson - (that whole damn article about “stupid girls” and JKR’s obsession with aligning Pansy with the girls that bullied her as a child.)
Bellatrix Black - (has to be killed by Molly to prove some point about motherly love being better than sexual love. isn’t given much characterisation beyond being a sadistic Bad Woman.)
Peter Pettigrew - (probably the biggest victim of JKR’s obsession with ~bravery~ and ~loyalty~ being the most admirable traits. essentially shunned throughout the entire series because of this. also another manifestation of Bad=Ugly.)
Lavender Brown - (demonised for being gossipy and giggly and liking boys and dating.)
Percy Weasley - (demonized for having ambition.)

(the rankings don’t matter that much beyond the first five, because I just found the treatments of Lily, Ginny, Umbridge, Petunia and Sirius to be the absolute worst. Not to say that the others aren’t awful, but those five really stood out.)

Where do we start? Bashing Lily for being dead and a mom, bashing Ginny for being a teenage girl, bringing up the infamous "rapist centaurs" stuff, bashing Molly while holding up Bellatrix as OMG feminist model, etc.

Fannish Arrogance at its Best (Worst?)

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 19:43:44 GMT

So, you have this OC that you've made. And she's paired with a certain popular greasy-haired male character from a certain popular book series about people waving around magic bits of tree branches, IDEK. And you are so very enamored with your character (who may or may not have the same hair color as you've dyed yours), because she is soooo much better than that meanie in canon who wouldn't put up with your precious woobie's racist tendencies.

So what do you do? If your name is Redpassion, you make some fan stamps of your OC and your pairing, and then generously offer them to everyone for their own personal use. Because clearly everyone else must be as infatuated with your OC as you are, right?

Exhibit A, Exhibit B.

Imaginary Articles: From Russia, With Ick.

Sat, 03 Mar 2012 07:30:28 GMT

On deathtocapslock, sunnyskywalker linked to a list of titles for imaginary articles about feminism in the HP-verse, translated from the original Russian. Some of the titles for these proposed articles are actually interesting, but most of them (per anything deathtocapslock is going to like) are deliberately skewed at best. For example:

Flitwick and Hagrid: Ethnic Minorities Will Always Clean Up After You, or Uncle Tom in Hogwarts - Now, if they meant Filch and Hagrid, they might have a point. But Flitwick? Despite his appearance in the earlier movies, he was envisaged by JKR as a short person, not a part-goblin or whatever. He is also a respected professor, a Head of House and a famous dueller. Hagrid OTOH they have a case for, since he was probably easier for Dippet to justify expelling due to his heritage and he was made into the Groundskeeper.

The Internalized Misogyny Among Successful Women: Rita Skeeter - Another one that's valid in a way they probably didn't intend, since the misogyny and slutshaming in Rita's articles about Hermione absolutely oozed off the page. But who wants to bet that the article itself (or at least, the deathtocapslock version of it) would probably be about how poor Rita got unfairly demonised by a jealous little girl simply for being such a Successful Woman?

Remus Lupin and the “Good Cripple” Archetype - As a Remus fan and a PWD, I'd rather enjoy discussing this myself, I admit.

And, of course, some of them are flat-out offensive products of entitled butthurt.

Consequences of Limiting Abortion Rights: The Tragedy of Lily Potter - Because surely she must have wanted to abort Harry in order to fight and was forced by the Evil James to bear his babies. Nobody ever has a war baby as a way of affirming life in the middle of death.

Replication of Violent Family Practices: Family Strategies of Nymphadora Tonks - What does this even mean? No, really, what does this even mean? Because all I can think of in response is Y HALO THAR BUTTHURT PUPPYSHIPPER.

Ariana Dumbledore: Murder of a Disabled Person as a Social Necessity - Fuck you fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU

I always get knee-jerkily defensive of the whole Ariana thing because of this (warnings for: discussion of child sexual assault, generally upsetting, and my issues let me show you them.) So please forgive me as I explode right back into a chorus of "fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU and may a fishslice on fire ascend your rectum sideways for all eternity."

Luna Lovegood, Tom Riddle, Harry Potter: Good Children Don’t Get PTSD - One of these things is not like the others! One of these things just doesn't belong!

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 06:46:30 GMT

SIP/rattlesnakeroot is wanking again.

Dan Radcliffe Says He Would Play James Potter in Remake

Are James and Lily Losing Their Generally Awesome Reputations?

We now return to our regularly scheduled Lily hate...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 21:40:49 GMT

A little late and still small wank.

SIP dedicated a post for Lily's birthday and then asked "If you had a chance to talk to teenage Lily Evans, what would you say to her?"

I think we all know what direction this went.

Harry/Jocasta OTP

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 19:13:07 GMT

Have some quotes from this deathtocapslock screed. Featured: Rowling's blithering incompetence as an article of faith in the parallel-universe version of the books these people are attempting to reconstruct, Harry/Ginny so very incestuous, and fanon theories taken for canon.

The themes of Freudian incest keep cropping up in the series. And we all know how muggles are treated like chattels by all the magical characters, whether they are designated good or designated bad.

Even though it is possible for distant descendents of squibs to be magical by fluke, logically it is much more likely that a muggle born witch or wizard is really an illegitimate half-blood resulting from a wizard misusing a muggle woman and cuckolding her husband if that is applicable.

JKR's view is that incest is not only Okay If A Gryffindor Does It, but actually the proper thing.

Ginny is of the same category as Lily - a beautiful red headed girl in Gryffindor. Then she is Ron's sister and Ron is like a little brother substitute. She is Molly's daughter and Molly wants Harry to be a surrogate son to her. So the Freudian imagery works three ways. It would be reinforced if Ginny were a close relative of Lily.

JKR is no good at descriptions so it is very difficult to tell whether or not Ginny closely resembles Lily.

It can definitely be inferred as a possibility from the series that Ginny and Harry are close relatives on Harry's mother's side (as well as distant relatives on his father's side). In the warped mess of JKR's mind, this scenario is not only acceptable, but a desirable thing.

Arthur Weasley raped ("misused") Lily's mother and "cuckolded" Lily's father (which latter may be a more serious offence). This in turn gave Petunia an excuse not to consider Lily her "real" sister. Marrying into a family where you are close friends with your future brother-in-law is exactly the same thing as committing incest. Writing in a poor, stilted style (if urbanman1984 is an ESL speaker I do apologise) only gives you an advantage in assessing descriptions such as The Prime Minister's first, foolish thought was that Rufus Scrimgeour looked rather like an old lion. There were streaks of grey in his mane of tawny hair and his bushy eyebrows, he had keen yellowish eyes behind a pair of wire-rimmed spectacles and a certain rangy, loping grace even though he walked with a slight limp.