Fandom Court

Mass Action Lawsuit

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 08:11:46 GMT

As bitchy and cynical I may be, I was shocked and disgusted by this recent wank. I have never seen such a repulsive display of the abuse of fandom, and internet pron.

Really fandom_wank, mocking such a sensitive artistic soul? Can you really find such such expressive and nunaced character studies in any art museum? Obviously such boors as yourself cannot appreciate the subtle commentary of sex roles in this masterpiece. Hirrowing is truly the voice of the TRUE opressed minority: Shota Furry Anime Artists. Shame on you, fandom_wank, shame on you.

Mr./Ms./ZirHirrowing has recently made the motions to sue his/her/its detractors. I applaud this brave, logical, and effective action. Though Mr./Ms/Zir hirrowing is still unaware of the great injustice done to her/him/it on fandom_wank, I make it my somber duty to do right by her/he/it.

Fandom_wank I will contact my second cousin's aunt's great uncle's roomate's dentist's nephew, who is a LAWYER, with all of your screenames, thoughts on yaoi, and secret recipes for alcoholic drinks and prepare for a mass action lawsuit. Unless you personally convince me you are not a bunch of meanie heads who love that PINK HAIRED COCKROACH11!!1!!

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 22:30:26 GMT

I am currently avoiding writing three more fucking pages about fucking Catherine the Great's fucking Nakaz about fucking judicial reform. Having written ten fucking pages about it already, I feel very strongly that it is time I get to indulge in my favorite of the underused FW spinoff comms. Entertain me, damnit.

May it please the court, and if it doesn't I will passive-aggressively make comments about how the court forgot my birthday this year to remind the court what's what:

The right honorable Vigilant E. Rodent, Esquire, accuses the parties of fandom_wank with the following crimes:

1) Causing me to lose sleep staying up wondering whether orihime_kun doesn't actually realize "fuck" and "cunt" are swears, and thus does not censor herself for using them.
2) Totally copying my sound. Dude, you know you are. Poser.
3) Feeding my baby to a dingo, and then fucking the dingo. Yeah, that's right - I seen what you did there.

I move that FW owes me a bottle of booze, front row seats when orihime_kun and ichirukicanon go through a ritual duel to determine whose ship truly is canon, and a new baby. And not one of those separated-from-their-mother-for-six-months ones, I've been told those are defective.

How do you plead?

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 00:20:56 GMT

May it please the judges, I bring before the court the matter of Heidi Tandy. The defendant stands accused of willful blindness, asshattery in the first degree, and insincerity in the first degree. I do not bring this case forward as a result of any grudge or quarrel with the defendant, but out of respect for the rule of law and a desire to prevent a public e-lynching.

Proposed sentence: that the defendant, if found guilty, be stripped of BNF status and required to sit in the corner of fandom and think about her actions. Suggestions for other sentences are welcome.

What sayeth the court?

THE CASE OF FANDOM VS MSSCRIBE

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 21:51:39 GMT

Here ye, here ye! Court is now in session!

The Honourable Septimus Magpie will now hear the arguments against one MsScribe also known as Clarabelle also known as Sporkify also known as Pottersginny also known as Karma_Bitch also known as I didn't fucking care enough to remember any of the others.

And new rule: Don't be boring. I want to see tears! laughter! weddings! CUTE LITTLE PUPPY DOGS.

Fandom_court will decide how this ends.

Present arguments for and against.

do not worry, Rotten

SCREW THIS JUDICAL FARCE. YOU'RE ALL SENTENCED TO FIVE YEARS IN THE IP MINES, HIPPIES

OKAY, YOU ALL GET A SECOND CHANCE. BUT I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU, PYRATE.

Court is in session yet again , bitches.

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 13:35:15 GMT

Oral sex. Long ignored in slashfic (hereafter referred to as 'dudes and ladies doing it with other dudes and ladies) due to the importance of shoving something big up something not quite as big.

But is it truly just a fluffing method? Could it, in fact, be real sex?

That is what we are here to decide!

The court moves that it is, in fact, real sex on account of it being called oral sex. But is willing to be bribed/swayed.

Present arguments for and against.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Wankas

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 17:17:46 GMT

May it please the court, and if it doesn't, I'll flash my boobies until it does:

As an American, I would like to follow in the traditions of so many of my countrymen and fulfill my God-given right to file a frivolous and vindictive lawsuit. And therefore, as a member in ~~good~~ bad standing of the so-called "Cult of Mean," I am hereby suing the so-called "Cult of Nice," on the charges of: defamation of character, petty larceny, failure to rewind rental videotapes, sodomy, and wankery in the fourth degree.

I think I speak for all members of the "Cult" of "Mean" when I state that this term is perjorative and inflammatory, on two counts.

- "Mean" is an unfair judgment. For example: some people apparently think it's "mean" to tell dead baby jokes, while others are only concerned with spreading joy and laughter among their fellow human beings. Therefore: I would assert that we are not "mean" but rather "differently nice."
- "Cult" implies a grouping of Scientologists or other bizarre freaks. This is really cutting down on our membership drives, and I am not going to make quota if it keeps up. This month is the free tazer, dammit! Therefore: I would ask that the term "cult" be stricken in favor of "Magical Sunshine Order."

I hereby ask the court to penalize the Cult of Traditionally Nice for its continued and unwarranted slander of the Magical Sunshine Order of Differently Nice, which has had the following effects:

- My johns are tipping 1.4% less than usual
- My badger ran away
- None of the cool kids will sit with me at lunch any more
- My roots are showing
- Blood gushes continually from my left ear

I hereby implore the court to grant us, the members of the Magical Sunshine Order of Differently Nice, actual damages in the amount of $250,000, as well as punitive damages in the amount of $3.2 billion dollars and some tacos. The $3.2 billion can be paid in installments, but the tacos are kind of urgent, because it's lunchtime and I don't have the car today.

In summation: Mmmmmm. Tacos.

Thank you, Your Honor.

court is now in session, bitches

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 01:38:26 GMT

I've decided, as a representative of fandom wank, it's time to sue the the_hms_stfu to take custody of all these goddamn harmonian wanks. And maybe lock them in a basement somewhere.

Present arguments for and against.

If in confusion, read userinfo. And then just do what Shoi and Juno did.