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miss_padfoot ([info]miss_padfoot) wrote in [info]fandom_lounge,
@ 2006-12-13 01:23:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:E-V-O-L
Current music:Emilie Autumn - Opheliac

Worst Names for Penis
On another site that I go to, we were talking about slash and about fic in general, and someone suggested a challenge: post the worst description of a penis that you've ever encountered in fic. Unfortunately this forum isn't usually the sort of crowd that goes for slash, so only one person has responded (with "one-eyed trouser snake").

So I'm asking you: what's the most hilariously embarassing euphemism for a penis you've seen?
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(Post a new comment)


[info]hallidae
2006-12-13 06:39 am UTC (link)
"burning meat pipe"
and
"cream-filled twinkie of love"

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]brown_betty, 2006-12-13 06:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pokecheck, 2006-12-13 10:08 am UTC

[info]vigilanterodent
2006-12-13 06:39 am UTC (link)
I'm rather partial to "sword of might".

"All-natural hydraulic lift system" also has a place in my heart.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]miss_padfoot, 2006-12-13 07:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tez, 2006-12-13 07:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]miss_padfoot, 2006-12-13 07:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tiye, 2006-12-13 07:05 pm UTC

[info]life_on_mars
2006-12-13 06:42 am UTC (link)
There's an 'enormous beet' somewhere. And don't forget Spock's 'jade pagoda'!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]miss_padfoot, 2006-12-13 06:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rikiki, 2006-12-13 09:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]theartema, 2006-12-13 10:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rikiki, 2006-12-14 01:05 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]monsley, 2006-12-13 09:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]grand_sealink, 2006-12-13 01:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2006-12-13 05:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]semirecluse, 2006-12-13 07:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]life_on_mars, 2006-12-13 07:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladysorka, 2006-12-13 09:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]stinksap, 2006-12-13 01:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]life_on_mars, 2006-12-13 02:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pariforma, 2006-12-13 04:20 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2006-12-13 08:20 pm UTC

[info]amxjm
2006-12-13 06:43 am UTC (link)
I don't have any penis ones, but I can remember a strange one I heard for sex (or was it masturbation?) once ages ago: burying Uncle Fester. Of course, that was from a contest to come up with bad euphemisms, but still.

(Personally, I like "committing spermal genocide.")

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]singe, 2006-12-14 12:59 am UTC

[info]beckyh2112
2006-12-13 06:45 am UTC (link)
"huge man-tool"

Which, unfortunately gave me the mental image of guys loading a giant penis into the back of a pick-up truck.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

OT but very funny - [info]life_on_mars, 2006-12-13 02:13 pm UTC

[info]brown_betty
2006-12-13 06:50 am UTC (link)
There was a story that got passed around to much hysteria in my fandom (DC Comics) from nifty that featured a "super hard Boy Wonder fuck tool."

(Reply to this)


[info]rowan
2006-12-13 07:02 am UTC (link)
Boy-lollipop.

Courtesy of Chancery Stone!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]brown_betty, 2006-12-13 06:53 pm UTC

[info]skewed_tartan
2006-12-13 07:04 am UTC (link)
Oh come on people what about the infamous Snape's salami? That has to be my favorite one.

His cock seemed as huge as a salami up my ass.

(Reply to this)


[info]cairea
2006-12-13 07:04 am UTC (link)
Towering citadel. Which wouldn't have been NEARLY as funny if it hadn't been paired with a 'divine portal'.

(Reply to this)

Yay, I have an appropriate icon
[info]pokecheck
2006-12-13 07:19 am UTC (link)
"Thrusting meat cucumber" came up at ffrants once.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: Yay, I have an appropriate icon - [info]tez, 2006-12-13 07:23 am UTC
Re: Yay, I have an appropriate icon - [info]pokecheck, 2006-12-13 10:12 am UTC

[info]ghyste
2006-12-13 07:32 am UTC (link)
"Hot hobbit sausage"

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]singe, 2006-12-14 01:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]miss_padfoot, 2006-12-14 04:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2006-12-15 01:21 am UTC

[info]tez
2006-12-13 07:32 am UTC (link)
My GF once described Aizen's business as "God's glorious staff of divinity."

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]smo, 2006-12-13 08:27 pm UTC

[info]zannechaos
2006-12-13 07:38 am UTC (link)
In another such discussion elsewhere, someone brought up seeing "purple-headed womb-ferret".

There's not a hell of a lot that could top that one.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]madelfdisease, 2006-12-13 07:46 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]smo, 2006-12-13 08:28 pm UTC

[info]ladybirdsleeps
2006-12-13 07:45 am UTC (link)
Here are some we've immortalized on the interests list of weepingcock:

dangling fury
harpoon of lust
inhuman man-ness
love lance
meaty pole
scrotum pole
slimy peter
stir stick of love*
succulent pillar of fleshy steel
velvet-sheathed steel
wand of copulation

* My personal favorite

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]nymeria, 2006-12-13 08:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2006-12-13 09:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]polly_parrot, 2006-12-13 09:33 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]coffeebun, 2006-12-13 11:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]nekoneko, 2006-12-13 02:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]miss_padfoot, 2006-12-13 07:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2006-12-13 10:06 pm UTC

[info]notjo
2006-12-13 07:54 am UTC (link)
not the penis, but describing a man's balls as the "holder of generations yet unborn". Why yes, this was a published novel.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Bwahaha! - [info]pointsandlaughs, 2006-12-13 03:39 pm UTC
Re: Bwahaha! - [info]semirecluse, 2006-12-13 03:59 pm UTC
Re: Bwahaha! - [info]miss_padfoot, 2006-12-13 07:39 pm UTC
Re: Bwahaha! - [info]notjo, 2006-12-13 04:55 pm UTC
Re: Bwahaha! - [info]semirecluse, 2006-12-13 09:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ymfaery, 2006-12-13 06:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]notjo, 2006-12-13 09:46 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ymfaery, 2006-12-14 09:53 am UTC

[info]kalypsi_cat
2006-12-13 08:12 am UTC (link)
"fat pink mast" from A Feast for Crows. I think I was more traumatized by the euphemism because it was in a book I was otherwise enjoying reading. D:

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]monsley, 2006-12-13 09:13 am UTC
(no subject) - dracothelizard, 2006-12-13 02:11 pm UTC

[info]seiberwing
2006-12-13 08:12 am UTC (link)
I've heard "quivering manroot" from a friend, and then there's "body gun" (I wish he'd shot her, certainly).

And in the area of females, "slick stalactite" for clitoris.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]grand_sealink, 2006-12-13 01:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2006-12-13 02:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]telegramsam, 2006-12-13 08:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tiye, 2006-12-13 07:09 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2006-12-13 09:13 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]miss_padfoot, 2006-12-13 07:49 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2006-12-13 09:12 pm UTC

[info]esorlehcar
2006-12-13 08:40 am UTC (link)
Fuck pole is still my favorite. Especially when combined with manpussy.

And only slightly off-topic, my favorite line from a story ever is, "Our muscular oral appendages spar and feint."

(Reply to this)


[info]ruuger
2006-12-13 09:01 am UTC (link)
"The mighty excalibur" (which I've actually seen used in pro-fic) and my all time favourite, "the purple-helmeted Darth Vader of love".

If we're talking about bad euphenisms in general, I once read a M/M/F fic where nipples, prostate and clitoris were all called 'nub'. It was very confusing.

"He pushed his finger inside the other man looking for that sensitive nub while the other man played with his pink nubs. She watched them, her finger between her legs, and played with her aching nub."

(I'm just paraphrasing, but that's not that far from what the story was actually like)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2006-12-13 09:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]iwanttobeasleep, 2006-12-13 07:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]thoms, 2006-12-13 11:33 pm UTC

[info]nymeria
2006-12-13 09:02 am UTC (link)
Um. Hmm. *leafs through file*

I've seen 'manly meat-stick,' 'purple-headed yoghurt-slinger,' 'swollen tubesock,' 'joystick of lurve (yes, spelt like that),' 'mighty ramrod,' 'ruler of destruction (although i think this one was a joke. I really hope so, at least),' and 'devine scepters (yes, spelt like that)'.

Not quite a penis, but 'mellons of reproduction' remains my most horrifying euphemism ever for the testicles.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]atalantapendrag, 2006-12-13 09:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]alpheratz, 2006-12-13 12:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]khym_chanur, 2006-12-13 10:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]semirecluse, 2006-12-13 04:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]luthe, 2006-12-15 07:59 am UTC

[info]polly_parrot
2006-12-13 09:40 am UTC (link)
'Wiggling noodle' has to be the least complimentary euphemism I've ever seen. I've also read a fic where one character's arse was referred to as a 'boypussy'.

I still shudder.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]pariforma, 2006-12-13 04:23 pm UTC

[info]pseudoblu
2006-12-13 10:02 am UTC (link)
I've heard "stick shift of love". It seems you can add "of love/lust" to nearly anything and it'd work.

(Reply to this)


[info]ladyofviolets
2006-12-13 10:34 am UTC (link)
"Salami of love" and "fruit of looms". Both in the same "drunk!Misato molests Shinji" lemon fic.

T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T

(Reply to this)


[info]ueuecoyotl
2006-12-13 10:58 am UTC (link)
"Balloony pony" is something I've seen from a "well-respected" Digimon fanfic author.

There was mention of "purple helmeted heat-seeking moisture missile" on irc once, but I don't recall if there was a source for it or something someone made up on the fly and it became immortalized in quote scripts.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]damnedfallacy, 2006-12-13 04:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ueuecoyotl, 2006-12-13 11:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brown_betty, 2006-12-13 06:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ueuecoyotl, 2006-12-13 08:54 pm UTC

[info]coffeebun
2006-12-13 11:31 am UTC (link)
I have nothing to add, but I am laughing so hard at the responses right now. /pointless remark

(Reply to this)
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