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mercutia ([info]mercutia) wrote in [info]fandom_lounge,
@ 2008-03-01 02:39:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:Sparkly

I Wonder If LKH Has Seen These...
(Somewhat NSFW; may at least want to turn your volume down before you can find the audio controls embedded in each page.)

I'll bet you've been saying to yourself, "Self, I have often wondered, is it possible that jewelry exists that will enhance my sex life? Is it in fact possible that jewelry exists which is possessed by incubi who will pleasure me when I wear it, particularly in my sleep? And is it furthermore possible that such jewelry is available from an eBay vendor who appears to be afflicted with a particularly virulent strain of pagan fluffybunnyitis crossed with a taste for shameless hucksterism?"

Wonder no more.

I'd post highlights, but I can't wipe the blood out of my eyes fast enough. Although I will say that the "magical effects" of that second ring sound EXACTLY like the ardeur as described by Laurell K. Hamilton in the Anita Blake series, minus making everyone else lose it too.




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(Post a new comment)


[info]coyotegirl
2008-03-01 09:23 am UTC (link)
I needed that laugh. Thank you.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mercutia, 2008-03-01 09:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]solelyfictional, 2008-03-01 09:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2008-03-01 03:56 pm UTC

[info]mmanurere
2008-03-01 09:28 am UTC (link)
The pictures of underwear models in the last one really turn it up to 11.

(Reply to this)


[info]shallow_kid
2008-03-01 09:55 am UTC (link)
I kinda like that last ring there, the black one. Too bad that a) the bidding has ended and b) I'd be sexually assaulted on the Astral Plane every time I wore it.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]aristaea, 2008-03-01 10:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mistressrenet, 2008-03-02 03:19 am UTC

[info]drakyndra
2008-03-01 10:16 am UTC (link)
Slowly my whole body was enveloped by this "force", this sexual presence that seemed to fill my very existence.

...

Suddenly I'll be looking at the Jedi Order in a whole new light

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]obsidianwolf, 2008-03-02 12:06 am UTC

[info]rosehiptea
2008-03-01 10:52 am UTC (link)
$75? For that kind of money I could cut the crap and buy sex toys.

But the site would not be 1/10 as amusing as those auctions.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]makeshyft, 2008-03-01 03:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mercutia, 2008-03-01 04:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - tree, 2008-03-01 04:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-03-01 05:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]wonderfish, 2008-03-01 05:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2008-03-01 07:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-03-01 08:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]wonderfish, 2008-03-01 11:13 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]makeshyft, 2008-03-01 09:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]meriel, 2008-03-01 08:26 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]makeshyft, 2008-03-01 09:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]demonbean, 2008-03-01 11:26 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]makeshyft, 2008-03-01 11:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]redfield, 2008-03-02 01:23 am UTC
(no subject) - magpiggles, 2008-03-02 03:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]redfield, 2008-03-02 03:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]demonbean, 2008-03-02 01:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lil_miss_stfu, 2008-03-01 09:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]prettypinkkitty, 2008-03-01 10:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pipssister, 2008-03-02 02:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2008-03-02 03:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]t_boy, 2008-03-02 06:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]amxjm, 2008-03-02 06:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]t_boy, 2008-03-02 07:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]demonbean, 2008-03-02 07:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]t_boy, 2008-03-02 07:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]demonbean, 2008-03-02 07:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-03-02 08:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2008-03-03 03:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]amxjm, 2008-03-02 07:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2008-03-02 01:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]amxjm, 2008-03-03 08:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2008-03-03 03:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]demonbean, 2008-03-03 04:08 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2008-03-03 06:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]wrongly_amused, 2008-03-03 02:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]luthe, 2008-03-04 05:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]makeshyft, 2008-03-04 06:24 am UTC

[info]criticalcricket
2008-03-01 12:02 pm UTC (link)
Just what I needed a male nymph incubus spirit. Cause it's not enough for it to be an incubus, it must also be a nymph and a spirit or else it's just a low quality spell! Damn, where's my checkbook, I'm gonna get ten of these! Just imagine the orgies I could have with one on each finger!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tekenduis, 2008-03-01 08:24 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]moonjaguar, 2008-03-01 09:55 pm UTC

[info]cat_mcdougall
2008-03-01 02:21 pm UTC (link)
Am I the only one vaguely creeped out by the "In Loving Memory Of My Sweet Niece "Nadia" 1996-1997" bit at the bottom of the first two links?

Yes? Okay. Return to your mocking.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]jat_sapphire, 2008-03-01 04:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tangentialone, 2008-03-01 09:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sorchar, 2008-03-02 12:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]demonbean, 2008-03-03 04:10 pm UTC

[info]makeshyft
2008-03-01 03:01 pm UTC (link)
Wait, an incubus named Ricardo? Are we talking Montalban or Ricky?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-03-01 05:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]usagivindaloo, 2008-03-01 06:46 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]spacelogic, 2008-03-01 07:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]makeshyft, 2008-03-01 10:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-03-02 11:16 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pfeffermuse, 2008-03-02 02:21 am UTC

[info]ldymusyc
2008-03-01 03:32 pm UTC (link)
Rings: creepy and more than a touch bizarre.

Sounds on links: creepier. People who do embedded sounds should get motherboards embedded in their foreheads.

With a hammer.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]brown_betty, 2008-03-02 08:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]electricwitch, 2008-03-02 02:44 pm UTC

[info]demonbean
2008-03-01 03:35 pm UTC (link)
*peers closely* Male nymphs wear Calvin Klein underwear? An answer to a question I, er ... never asked ...

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]nam_jai, 2008-03-01 05:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]a_partridge, 2008-03-01 05:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]nam_jai, 2008-03-01 09:51 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]gairid, 2008-03-01 05:53 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]nam_jai, 2008-03-01 09:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2008-03-01 07:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]nam_jai, 2008-03-01 10:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2008-03-01 10:09 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]nam_jai, 2008-03-01 10:16 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]fools_game, 2008-03-01 10:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]demonbean, 2008-03-01 11:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brown_betty, 2008-03-02 08:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]luthe, 2008-03-04 05:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pipssister, 2008-03-02 02:17 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]nam_jai, 2008-03-02 02:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2008-03-02 01:53 pm UTC

[info]wrenlet
2008-03-01 04:07 pm UTC (link)
This will make the ring and it's inhabitant " Ricardo " so much more Powerful than other Incubus Nymph Inhabited Items out there !

... OTHER? There are MORE?? I. Words fail me.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]wrenlet, 2008-03-01 04:12 pm UTC

[info]hangingfire
2008-03-01 04:27 pm UTC (link)
It's sort of disappointing, innit, to learn that incubi haven't got names any more creative than "Ricardo".

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sorchar, 2008-03-02 12:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hangingfire, 2008-03-02 12:31 am UTC

[info]comixology
2008-03-01 04:49 pm UTC (link)
All I can think is, "Ricardo"?

Oh, wow.

(Reply to this)


[info]gairid
2008-03-01 05:17 pm UTC (link)
I am mightily amused by the 17th century capitilization within the text and the ambiguous claim that being 'Latin' Ricardo MUST be a skilled lover.

Oh, and not a Vampire. Just in case you were worried about that.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]frau_eva, 2008-03-01 05:49 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-03-01 06:00 pm UTC

[info]a_partridge
2008-03-01 05:50 pm UTC (link)
OK, but here's the thing: it all sounds like hot monkey love until you realize that incubi are supposed to have ice-cold penises (ow).

Plus, there's the whole thing where they drain you of your life force so that you die.

Other than that, it sounds great crack-tastic!

I can't believe people buy these things.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mistressrenet, 2008-03-02 03:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]a_partridge, 2008-03-02 04:34 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mistressrenet, 2008-03-02 02:46 pm UTC

[info]themadmermaid
2008-03-01 06:58 pm UTC (link)
One day I was at work and something that was warm enveloped me starting at my feet and ending behind me... He had sex with me while I was sitting in the chair. This is all true.

I don't feel that this is really a selling point. I think that it might be hard to explain why I'm sexing with an incubus at work.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-03-02 08:46 am UTC

[info]tekenduis
2008-03-01 07:53 pm UTC (link)
Waiddaminute.

Incubi are male.
Nymphs are female.

Is "Ricardo" having a gender identity crisis?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tekenduis, 2008-03-01 08:00 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]beccastareyes, 2008-03-01 08:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2008-03-01 08:48 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tekenduis, 2008-03-01 08:53 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]makeshyft, 2008-03-01 10:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sorchar, 2008-03-02 12:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]xero_sky, 2008-03-01 09:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sorchar, 2008-03-02 12:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-03-02 08:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mercutia, 2008-03-02 08:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]freezer, 2008-03-02 01:54 pm UTC

[info]tronella
2008-03-01 09:15 pm UTC (link)
" THIS RING " RICARDO " INHABITS

IS AN EXTREMELY POWERFUL PARAMORNAL OBJECT "

... "paramornal"?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]makeshyft, 2008-03-01 10:04 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]iamnotyourmuse, 2008-03-02 03:18 am UTC

[info]moonjaguar
2008-03-01 09:52 pm UTC (link)
"Nymph Incubus"?

That looks like a mood ring I won in a "Stop the Arrow" carnival game in grade school.

(Reply to this)


[info]julesnoctambule
2008-03-01 09:57 pm UTC (link)
The username makes it for me somehow.

(Reply to this)


[info]pipssister
2008-03-02 02:23 am UTC (link)
Nothing to add except I don't think the first two were even PRETTY rings.

Oh, wait ... thought of something. If Fluffy!Pagans can trap Latin dudes in rings how about more authentic monsters? Like ... could I get a Chupacaba in an anklet and get it to, like, suck out the blood of the local squirrels or enter monster fights for money. Or is only sexual slavery of mystical beings that's ethical?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-03-02 06:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pipssister, 2008-03-02 06:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2008-03-02 09:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2008-03-04 03:57 am UTC

[info]pfeffermuse
2008-03-02 02:28 am UTC (link)
Getting an incubus to have sex with you is easy enough, that's what they exist for.

I want one who will do the laundry and clean the house. Now, that would be impressive.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]shallow_kid, 2008-03-03 06:52 pm UTC

[info]hyaenid
2008-03-02 08:47 am UTC (link)
" Ricardo " awaits you as you sleep, so that he can Arouse You with Nocturnal Pleasures and Nocturnal Orgasms, Far Beyond This Realm !

I think I got that far before my look of horror turned into tears of laughter.

Ricardo. Ricardo. Hee!

(Reply to this)


[info]vzg
2008-03-02 10:01 am UTC (link)
"Velvet Reiki Charged Velvet Drawstring Pouch"

BUT IS IT VELVET?

Also, I like how it will "please" a man or a woman regardless of sexuality. Straight men and gay women, watch out!

"Once it started, it never ended. I developed an insatiable appetite for sex and didn’t stop thinking about it 24 hours in the day. I had constant sex. I could not get enough. One day I was at work and something that was warm enveloped me starting at my feet and ending behind me. My hands, which were trying to type at the time, were frozen in place, not paralyzed. The spirit seemed to scare the others away, like it had some power beyond theirs. He began to arouse me. I became so horny. He had sex with me while I was sitting in the chair. This is all true."

Because you don't know if it's true unless they say "This is all true." Then, and only then, will you know.

...But I wouldn't really want to, uh, have a powerful male incubus nymph ring spirit come and have sex with me at work, especially unbidden. I do not need my boss, coworkers, or employees seeing that. :O BUT, at the same time, they say it happens while they're asleep? Someone was slacking off...

"I exploded instantly."

LAWL.

(Reply to this)


[info]princessjessia
2008-03-02 12:39 pm UTC (link)
I originally read that as "possessed by inferi".

(Reply to this)



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