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	vzg 2008-11-18 04:53 am UTC (link)
	Bella, I don't think you'd know where to put food at, if you didn't flap your mouth so much. Yes, I think you're stupid. Posted by: Perry Van Shrike Whoever that was, I love them. No one lays the smackdown like Perry! The Captain Sparkle comment is also awesome, as is the Kirk Lazarus one. (Reply to this)

	sparkysrevenge 2008-11-18 05:25 am UTC (link)
	I tried to read Twilight once, and it was so bad that I started hiding in a cabinet so that I could escape from it. But it was also so boring that I fell asleep for like 20 years. Weird, eh? Posted by: Cesare loses it I wasn't even expecting film history geekery! (Reply to this)(Thread)

	hallidae 2008-11-18 06:17 am UTC (link)
	Did you see the one for M? (Reply to this)(Parent)

	sparkysrevenge 2008-11-18 06:02 am UTC (link)
	LOL! I wonder what would happen if I touched one... Posted by: Ned the Pie Maker (Reply to this)

mariem_1
2008-11-18 10:01 am UTC (link)

My momma was a twimom.

Posted by: Gilbert Grape

Twilight makes me look like Shakespeare.

...Thanks, Twilight!

Posted by: Anne Rice

Twilight slaughtered me, my unborn baby, and my dinner guests. And then blamed hippies for it.

Posted by: Sharon Tate

It's a little known fact that tricking Odin into reading Twilight, and not Baldr's death, was the real reason I got bound up underground with my own son's entrails. So when the earth shakes, blame Twilight.

Posted by: Loki

And BTW, I was the one that actually impregnated Bella. She never knew the difference because I'm just that good at shapeshifting, and Edward has no clue. LOL.

Posted by: Loki

My love for Twilight is like the foliage in the woods. Time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees - my love for ONTD resembles the eternal rocks beneath - a source of little visible delight, but necessary.

Posted by: Catherine Earnshaw

There was no grassy knoll: the shooter was in the book depository... reading Twilight.

Posted by: J.F.K

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct. This every sister of the Harry Potter fandom knows. To begin your study of the life of Twilight, then take care that you first place him in his time: born in the sexually repressed dreams of the lonely housewife, Stephenie Meyer. And take the most special care that you locate Twilight in his place: the state Utah. Do not be deceived by the fact that he was born in Phoenix and lived his first fifteen years there. Utah, the state known as Mormontown, is forever his place.

Posted by: Princess Irulan

Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an Edward Cullen about to eat your face.

Posted by: Harry Dresden

must not Twilight. Twilight is the mind-killer. Twilight is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face Twilight. I will pass over it in bookstores and not look. And when I have gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the Twilight has gone there will be nothing. Only Harry Potter will remain.

Posted by: Paul Atreides

Twilight makes my job easier. All I have to do is hand a copy to the right person and watch them go. It is so beautiful.

Posted by: Despair

TWILIGHT HAS MADE ME WORK OVERTIME FOR FAR TOO LONG NOW.

Posted by: Death

Twilight is why I abandoned my realm - I knew I would never be able to do that much damage.

Posted by: Destruction

If I confess to writing over 2,500 of these comments, will you guys fire me already?

Posted by: Robert Pattinson

"Oh how silly we’ve been!" Malfoy sneered. "We should have stroked the Twilights! Why didn’t we guess?"

"I-I thought they were funny," Hagrid said uncertainly to Hermione.

"Oh tremendously funny!" said Malfoy. "Really witty, giving us books that try and rip our brains out!"

Posted by: Draco Malfoy

When I read these "Twilight" books, these poor attempts at novels, I suddenly get an urge to edit the work of this flawed author. It appears there has been a major gap in the lore of vampires. Upon the first page of the first novel, an old quote of mine came to mind:

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.

Posted by: Mark Twain

I can’t scream. I want to scream so much, but I can’t. He snaps my ribs one by one and then wrenches out my sternum with a noise like a falling tree. He has to twist it at the end to sever some loose cartilage. Once he’s pushed my heart up against my spine to keep it out of the way, he sinks his hands into the black, tarry swamps that my lungs have become and incinerates them. Almost as an afterthought, he seals up my butchered arm with a finger hotter than a welder’s torch.

And then he grabs Twilight, and the real torture begins.

Posted by: John Constantine (on Satan's health care plan)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2009-07-09 02:01 am UTC (link)
	Oh my fucking god, the Malfoy one. I'm dying, Squirtle. (Reply to this)(Parent)

mariem_1
2008-11-18 10:02 am UTC (link)

Buyer beware. I told you Twilight would take you places. I never said they'd be places you wanted to go.

Posted by: Scarecrow

How the HELL did I happen?!

Posted by: Edward's Erection

I read Twilight and now I can't get into Narnia. D:

Posted by: Susan Pevensie

They told me there was nothing out there, nothing to fear. But the night my parents were murdered I caught a glimpse of something. I've looked for it ever since. I went around the world, searched in all the shadows. And there is something out there in the darkness, something terrifying, something that will not stop until it gets revenge... Twilight.

Posted by: Bruce Wayne

Phn'glui mglw'nafh Stephanie Meyer Twilight wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Posted by: Abdul al'Hazred

Do you like daisies? I plant them, but they always die. Everything I put in the ground withers and dies.

...You're next, Bella.

Posted by: Drusilla

Hello Twilight,

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my sanity, my mother's sanity, my sisters' sanity, and my dog.

Prepare to die.

Posted by: Inigo Montoya

Twilight. Why did it have to be Twilight.

Posted by: Indiana Jones

(Reply to this)

erinny
2008-11-18 06:28 pm UTC (link)

"...the epic love story of a high-school girl (Bella) and her vampire beau (Edward) based on the hit book series by Stephenie Meyer..."

"...if you don't already have your tickets for the Thursday midnight opening of Twilight, chances are you won't be getting them. Online ticket providers are..."

"...'Twilight' is selling out its upcoming midnight shows at a frightening pace..."

I did it.

I DID IT!

Posted by: Adrian Veidt

Oh hell yes.

(Reply to this)

esther_a
2008-11-18 08:03 pm UTC (link)

[Twiligt] looked like a book, but in her heart she knew it wasn't. In that instant, she completely understood the concept of a book that was not a book. This looked like a book, like most of the Mud People's books. But this was no book. This was evil manifest.
Posted by: Terry Goodkind

While it has been a faithful companion, your copy of Twilight cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it, because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you.
Posted by: GLaDOS

After four straight days of this comment party, Lorrie Lynch is probably sorry she ever heard of Twilight.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	lyrangalia 2008-11-18 10:51 pm UTC (link)
	Mmm... I'll take Thomas Raith over Edward Cullen any day. Damn, now I want to write the "Thomas crashes Twilight movie premiere" sequel. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	huehau 2008-11-19 02:20 am UTC (link)
	Is Lorrie still threatening to ban people once she gets the power? That was funny. (Reply to this)(Parent)

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