Entry tags:

The First Trickle... Twilight reviews (non-pro)
Hope this is okay, but someone on my LJ f-list won tickets to a Twilight advance screening, and here are some choice bits of her review of the movie that really rather amused me. (Don't want to flood her LJ)

Well, I did like the movie. It was a good movie. The book was way better, without a doubt better.

Well, I'm afraid already.

I did not like Edwards sparkles. They looked gross and freaky to me anyway, when they are supposed to be pretty and dazzling.

Sparkle Motion is gross and freaky?! BLASPHEMY!

Some of the (famous) quotes that we all love so much, sounded so weird when they actually said them out loud. The "Do I dazzle you" quote, never even happened.

Well damn

Jacob was freaking sexy as hell. Every time he came on the screen my sister tugged on my arm cause she had to tell me "Yum!" and I couldnt disagree with her. I think he looks better then Edwards character.

Cue shrieking from Team Edward.

Jaspers character was funny. Jessica descriped him as "He always looks like he is in pain." And he did. Throughout the whole movie. It was funny.

Too many jazz hands?

I think out of all the characters, Emmetts character was the only one that nailed, absolutely nailed his character from the book to the movie.

Growing Up Cullen, where are you?

ETA 1: Thanks to

shallow_kid for pointing out the lion_lamb review thread.
ETA 1.5: Thanks to

sistercoyote for reminding me that Rotten Tomatoes should be getting their reviews in soon.
ETA: 2: Reviews just keep pouring in. Will continue adding as time allows.

Chicago-Tribune says fwoopy!
Ebert thinks it's a metaphor.
Variety lays the smackdown.
The V247 thinks KStew's face was stuck on "sulk".
Defamer thinks it'd appeal to fans of cheesy Sci-fi. (Oh Sci-Fi network, why didn't you sign the deal first?)
Village Voice swoons, then falls asleep
MetroMix Chicago says "meh".
Even Twihards aren't loving it?! Inconceivable!
Entertainment Weekly tries to gush. Fails.
The San Francisco Chronicle thinks watching the movie will help you understand the hype. (except not)
Nolan's Pop Culture Review confuses the Cullens with beer.
The Naperville Sun wants to laugh at inopportune moments.
Fangst calls a duck a duck.
Gawker introduces us to the mental image of Twihards' groin tingles. (DO NOT WANT)
Slant wishes Edward and Bella would drop dead.
The Examiner wants to sic PETA on the Cullens.
A TwiMom takes issue with RPattz. World implodes.
Montreal Movies is disgusted
sortofbeautiful (homebase of Team Jacob) also has a review thread.
Jam snarks about Edward's Volvo.
The New York Times: Doing its damnest to legitimize OMG.
The AV Club thinks Twilight suffers from an identity crisis.
Montreal Gazette disagrees with Montreal Movies.
The Arizona Republic proves that Phoenix has taste. (And that's why SMeyer moved away)
FlickFilosopher sez: AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING MOVIE.
Eric Snider doesn't think Twlight is a vampire movie.
ScreenIt decides to count the use of "boobs" instead of pay attention.
Salon thinks Edward Cullen's possessed RPattz.
Oregon Live is split on the subject.
Houston Chronicle tries to convert fangirls to the light. Fails.
Montreal Mirror says it out loud: Twilight is terrible.

Wank has already started in (surprise!) Twilight Lexicon
And

ilya brings us a clip of SPARKLE MOTION.

ETA n+1: Thanks to everyone for ~~making my inbox explode~~ for linking to reviews, especially

mariem_1, who is a review finding machine. RT's at 43%.

ETA n+2: I'll update links one last time on Friday, then collapse in a post-Twilight heap. Someone send my inbox some first aid? (Dear Gmail, I love you)

ETA the last: If anyone else wants to compile the monumental amounts of wank in the reviews' comments (there's some good stuff at RT), please do.

~~So, any bets on when the wank level reaches 9000 and f_w will have to step in? (My moneys on Friday morning)~~