Comedy fucking gold
Normally we'd see this kind of thing in F_W, but there isn't much actual wank to speak of here. It's just funny.

Behold ANTIGUA Land of Fairies Wizards and Heroes! Peek inside to behold this wonderous world:

No commas will be tolerated in the land of ANTIGUA!

Every sentence must end with vim vigor and an exclamation point!

Thrill at the adventures of King Aurthorr!

Seriously, just "peek inside" and then read the reviews. I was and still am hooting like a pleased monkey. Even the product description is amazing:

Antigua: The Land of Fairies, Wizards and Heroes (Part 1) is the first of a trilogy. This story is a fantasy with magical characters such as a Sorceress, a Dragon, Fairies, Wizards, Knights, Kings, Queens, Pixies, and Gnomes. Here is a sample from the book:Suddenly, there were black clouds in the sky. Everyone heard a loud noise coming from the sky and they all knew that Vorltrarr the Dragon was coming. King Aurthorr yelled out, "Daughters, Vorltrarr comes! Get ready your weapons! The time has come for you to fulfill the prophecy!" Princess Sasha, Princess Trina, Princess Alexandra and Rebecca walked up ahead of the army and lined up together in a row. They looked like warriors! Rebecca was not afraid! She took a deep breath and got her weapon ready for the task that lay ahead. She understood the prophecy now and had faith in herself and the Princesses. They each pulled out their bows and prepared to destroy the dragon. Fire came out of his nostrils and his mouth. Princess Alexandra handed each of the other girls one of the special arrows that they had gotten from the Head Centaur of the Unicorns. All four of the girls pointed their bows up into the air and waited for Vorltrarr to come nearer. Vorltrarr let out such a loud noise that the ground shook! Then fire came right out of his nostrils. The Wizard Thandorfur held his mighty wand up toward the sky and yelled, "Mighty clouds of the sky, I call upon you to bring forth lightening to destroy the Dragon Vorltrarr!" Large lightening bolts came out of the clouds toward Vorltrarr. One lightening bolt struck Vorltrarr and wounded him, but it didn't destroy him!

Special Extra Note:

deliciouschaos says:
"I want to see Head Centaur of the Unicorns on an icon, dammit. With sparkles"

Go forth, wankas!

ETA: Whoopsie! It's been wanked already! My bad! Guess this post just turned into a stroll down memory lane.

(Post a new comment)

	cygnia 2009-05-30 04:29 am UTC (link)
	I swear, I read wank about this book somewhere before... (Reply to this)(Thread)

	doomsday 2009-05-30 04:39 am UTC (link)
	You have! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	jkefka 2009-05-30 04:42 am UTC (link)
	damn, shoulda been more careful. Still funny, though (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	doomsday 2009-05-30 04:49 am UTC (link)
	It was delightful revisiting it! I'm going to use a lot of exclamation marks now! Every sentence is very important! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	lyrangalia 2009-05-30 04:35 am UTC (link)
	Oh vanity publishing... What won't you put on paper? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	come_love_sleep 2009-05-30 11:24 pm UTC (link)
	Dignity? (Reply to this)(Parent)

	munchkinott 2009-05-30 08:13 am UTC (link)
	I'd forgotten about this. I love the internet, it keeps wank fresh for months. :-D (Reply to this)(Thread)

	brennalarose 2009-05-30 03:46 pm UTC (link)
	Wank is like honey. You can use it up, but does it ever really go bad? ... Goodness, time already? takes her dried frog pills (Reply to this)(Parent)

	caffeine_fairy 2009-05-30 11:48 am UTC (link)
	Dear Lord, what important stuff have I forgotten to have space to remember this? (Reply to this)

	reeve 2009-05-30 01:13 pm UTC (link)
	The first thought I had when I saw this: why would they name a fantasy world after a real place? (Reply to this)

	brennalarose 2009-05-30 03:54 pm UTC (link)
	As much glee as this wank brings me, I need more ~~rum~~tea. (Reply to this)

quietladybirman
2009-05-31 01:22 am UTC (link)

I really don't know what to make of this.

Found that linked to in the first wank. I can't work out if it's the author's homepage or if it's a fansite and honestly don't know which would be worse: that an author, even a self-published one, would think that this was an A-1 awesome way to promote her work, or that this series has fans. It's like a Geocities page from ten years ago fell out of a wormhole and landed right in the middle of my browser and then Myspace threw up on it - embedded music, glitter graphics and all.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	fools_game 2009-05-31 09:53 am UTC (link)
	My god, it just keeps going and going. And I keep scrolling. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	reeve 2009-05-31 01:42 pm UTC (link)
	Me too. That is the most fascinatingly horrible site I've seen in some time. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	brennalarose 2009-05-31 01:55 pm UTC (link)
	...It's like a B-grade horror film that thinks it's "Legend". The worst part being I can't turn off the damn music. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	beejium 2009-05-31 05:32 pm UTC (link)
	I was like, "Hey, this isn't so bad. Not great, but..." and then the background loaded. And then things started flying around my cursor. And then the music started. And I wept. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	seiberwing 2009-05-31 06:29 pm UTC (link)
	Are we sure this isn't a troll? (Reply to this)(Parent)

	tetradecimal 2009-05-31 06:40 pm UTC (link)
	We'll have to wait fifteen more years for Spock to show up. counts the minutes (Reply to this)(Parent)

	deliciouschaos 2009-05-31 06:43 pm UTC (link)
	I am going to see this in my nightmares from now on. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	moonjaguar 2009-05-31 08:06 pm UTC (link)
	I don't believe it, it's a rare Red Sequin dragon! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	caffeine_fairy 2009-05-31 10:13 pm UTC (link)
	Dragon, wizard, frog, princess, JESSICA ALBA. What gives? (Reply to this)(Parent)

	rodo 2009-05-31 05:06 am UTC (link)
	Am I the only one who envisioned the whole thing in Antiqua? (Reply to this)

	virgo 2009-06-02 01:14 am UTC (link)
	...why is a centaur head of the unicorns? And why do I care? Oh well, this book is better than Twilight. (Reply to this)