Current mood:

*sporfle!*

"Iron Hymen" girls abstinence only education program
God, this parody site is funny. The "Iron Hymen" pledge:

1. To never let grubby boys touch me – unless it's just fun innocent stuff like tripping me and pulling my hair. (But only the hair on my head!)
2. To never wear trampy stuff like shorts or t-shirts or open-toed shoes, which basically tell horny perverts that I'm a major tramp who's just asking for it.
3. To never do rough stuff like ride horsies or bikes with hard seats, which could break my vagina's freshness seal and make me totally unlovable.
4. To never let tampons violate the sanctity of my hoo-hoo, because tampons are really nothing more than thirsty little albino penises.
5. To never have premarital sex, because Jesus doesn't want anyone messing around inside my girly hole until after His church makes some money off a wedding.

For the boys, there's the "Sex is for Fags" pledge:

1. To stay massively cool by not having sex. Because only major losers have sex – which everyone knows is only for fags.
2. To never let any slutty girls peer pressure me into touching their vaginas – because vaginas are totally gay.
3. To ignore my raging hormones and burning drive to fondle, suckle, and thrust furiously into a hot gooey pit of creamy-soft fleshy ecstasy.
4. To keep my groinal giblets inside my GAP khakis, and to punch those sweaty bits into submission whenever they percolate with desire.
5. To never spill my sacred "dude milk" – unless it is inside of some hot babe who already married me and took my last name.