So... uh... I just realized that this Twilight wank is about Snowqueenicedragon's "Master of the Universe", the Twilight fanfic that would eventually* become E.L. James' Fifty Shades of Grey.

*("eventually" = per people who have compared the texts, she literally just changed the names and a few minor details.)

Notable threads that are incredibly ironic in hindsight:

• "I keep thinking we're talking about a 110+ chapter He-Man fanfiction."
• "I don't know what's stranger - that apparently SQID missed the entire Lady Sybilla "Russet Noon" debacle and thinks she can publish her magnum opus..."
• "Is SQID's fic the one where Edward yanks a tampon out of Bella? Because L-O-L if people are paying for that"

...That's all, folks!

edit: The articles that brought about this realization: 50 Shades of Malfoy; E.L. James' history in Twilight fandom

After watching the Oscars, I decided to give the other Hollywood awards show some attention. Sequels, Remakes, and 3-D Rip-Offs Dominate 2010 RAZZIE® Award “Winners”

Worst Picture Winner 2010
- The Last Airbender

Worst Actor Winner 2010
- Ashton Kutcher (Killers and Valentine's Day)

Worst Actress Winner 2010
- Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis
& Cynthia Nixon (Sex and the City 2)

Worst Supporting Actor Winner 2010
- Jackson Rathbone (The Last Airbender and Twilight Saga: Eclipse)

Worst Supporting Actress Winner 2010
- Jessica Alba (The Killer Inside Me, Little Fockers, Machete and Valentine's Day)

Worst Eye-Gouging Mis-Use of 3-D (Special Category for 2010!) Winner 2010
- The Last Airbender

Worst Screen Couple / Worst Screen Ensemble Winner 2010
- Sex and the City 2 Cast

Worst Director Winner 2010
- M. Night Shyamalan (The Last Airbender)

Worst Screenplay Winner 2010
- The Last Airbender (Written by M. Night Shyamalan)

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel (Combined Category for 2010) Winner 2010
- Sex and the City 2

The Last Failbender received five Razzies. I'm sure it deserved every one of them.

After some consideration, I've decided to x-post this from the sparklefield because it's a very special kind of transcendent, as in...how is Twilight the first fandom to actually Go There with this sort of merchandising? Srsly.

***

I think I'll let the product speak for itself since I cannot -- well and truly cannot -- find the words:

You can now have RPattz's face buried in your crotch any time you wish. Think I'm kidding? Check out the completely classy detail painstakingly created for the panty lining.

*just looks at y'all*

Jason chooses a Halloween costume. Specifically, a vampire.

.Hollywood, CA (Associated Press) Production on the hit sequel to the popular vampire series Twilight have been halted among allegations of plagiarism by young author, Stephenie Meyer.

According to sources, Meyer has been accused of stealing the idea for her popular Twilight series of novels for young adults and teenagers from her college roommate, Heidi Stanton. Stanton, 36, of Salt Lake City, Utah, attended Brigham Young University during the early 1990's and was for a time during their sophmore year roommates at a campus dormitory with the alleged author, Meyer. The Twilight novels have sold over 42 million copies worldwide, and have been translated into 37 languages across the globe. Meyer who claims the premise for her popular vampire series came to her in a dream in June of 2003. Just three short months later she had completed the entire novel with very little to no previous writing experience.

Allegations by Stanton, who is a stay at home mother to 4 children in Utah arose after she viewed the movie Twilight for the first time last week, shortly after it was released to DVD format. Stanton claims that she had heard about the novels, but with four small children at home has very little time to read for pleasure or go to the theaters to watch movies.

"Quite frankly, I was shocked when I began watching the movie with my husband last week. I immediately told him that she got that idea from me! I wrote a fictional short story with the same ideas when we were in college together," stated Stanton.

Lawyers for both sides were remaining tight lipped Tuesday when papers were filed in Utah for claims of idea infringement. However amongst the claims, production was halted on a Studio City California production lot where New Moon is finishing post production. New Moon was slated to be released later in 2009. At this time, that has been "put on hold" stated studio heads Tuesday evening when reached by phone. Mrs. Stanton's claims have some credence to them as she has documented proof that a short story with very similar idea was written by her in 1993 while she was a sophomore at BYU. English department chairperson Dr. Peter Benton was at the time a second year professor of writing and distinctly remembers Ms. Stanton's prolific writing style and the vampire story in particular.

"The story stood out in my mind, at the time, because it was more advanced than most sophmore students usually presented, also the vampire story stood out because I had recently taught a series of lectures on Bram Stoker's Dracula." claims Dr. Benton. "I felt at the time that Heidi had brought a very current and up to date look at a classic subject."

No word on when or if production will resume for New Moon. Requests for interviews with Ms. Meyer or her representatives went unanswered Tuesday evening.

Source: http://www.max-dan-wiz.com/forum/topics/twilight-author-sued-the
ONTD + reactions: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/34308934.html

I haven't found wank yet so I didn't post it at F_Wank, but this makes my heart ~*~sparkle~*~ with glee. If it's true. 

Did you miss last year's round of Twilight parties in celebration of the Sparkledämmerung? Have you always wanted to mock Twilight in person but never knew where to go? Sign up to participate in a RiffTrax-edition showing of the movie!

How does this work? Comment with your location and I'll add it to the list. If you see someone near you, reply to their comment. From there, it's up to you to figure it out.

USA
Washington DC
NY, NY
Pittsburgh
Boston, MA
Manchester, NH
Youngstown/Lake County/Ashtabula County, OH
Detroit
Bloomington/Indianapolis
Cincinnati
San Francisco
Santa Barbara
LA
Tri-Cities, Tennessee
Richmond
Portland
Lafayette, LA
Minneapolis/Saint Paul
Milwaukee
Humboldt County, CA

Canada
Vancouver
Halifax
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Other
Sydney
Perth
Shikoku Island, Japan

So as we all know, Stephen King recently called Stephanie Meyer out. Old news, right?

However, I feel that no Twilight issue is complete without input from the ever eloquent nuttymadam.

SO our beloved RPattz has a stalker... and it worries me vaguely that my reaction to this was 'only one??'.

Anyway, he took the girl out to dinner... and was apparently so 'boring' that he never saw her again.

Full text is pastede on yay, since it's short and I've no idea how long MSN keeps its news pages alive for, but the article includes a photo of RPattz looking even more stoned than usual.

Rob Pattinson 'bores' own stalker

Dakota Fanning to play the killer vampire Jane in the next movie of the Twilight series?

I don't know whether to *facepalm* or laugh myself silly.

http://movies.yahoo.com/news/movies.eonline.com/80655-

RPatzz cuts his hair! Edit: I'm sorry I screwed up the link when I posted and didn't catch it until now. Fixed (I hope)

There is now an official guide for it:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0316043125

Hot Topic is now selling vastly overpriced Edward Cullen body glitter.

We knew this had to happen sooner or later, right?

It's the Twilight Before Christmas!

The Twilight Before Christmas


If only the actual movie was as intentionally clever and entertaining.

I'm not sure if there's wank over this anywhere, so I'm posting this here instead of clairvoyantwank.

Courtesy of ONTD, it looks like Catherine Hardwicke has been fired from the Twilight franchise:

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/30413178.html

I hated the book and have no interest in seeing the film, but still, that seems a bit harsh. Didn't the film do well at the box office?

ETA: Via holyheadharpy in the comments, an official announcement of Hardwicke's departure is here.

ETA #2:Now comes an article from Variety that is starting to make the fandom nervous. According to Variety, part of the reason for Hardwicke's departure is serious creative differences over the story for New Moon. Namely, Summit want more RPattz in the film, and Hardwicke disagreed. Also, they want the next film out ASAP:

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117997013.html?categoryid=13&cs=1

The problem that stalled negotiations was that Hardwicke had strong opinions about what to do with the next installment, and so did Summit. The debate was how to focus the adaptation of the second book, which deals more with giant werewolves than vampires, as well as the long depression of Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), after her vampire lover (Rob Pattinson) leaves her. One issue was how to get more of teen heartthrob Pattinson into the film. (Rosenberg has figured out a device to achieve this.) But Hardwicke, burned out from her "Twilight" labors, simply wasn't willing to jam this movie with a script that still needed months of development.

lion_lamb react to the news. Depending on how this all goes, it might be time to move this up to one of the wank coms soon. Anyone brave enough to go looking for how this is playing out in the fandom?

Heather the Fug Girl has a Twilit vision...

All of Edward's condescending yearning and stalking would be way more fun if he were doing it while flitting about the rink in puffy shirts and tight trousers, tossing off triple Axels of romantic angst and throwing Bella into the air before catching her with one hand....