| Dear Smallville Fandom, |
[23 Oct 2009|10:34am] |
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Please stop being so batshit crazy. Whatever "faction" you are in, you always have to make it all about you and your needs, as if you are God's gift to humanity. You aren't. You are made of fail and wanking and have the maturity level of two year olds. Just because you are not satisfied with a show you even admit that you don't watch anymore does not give you some holy right to try and get people fired from their jobs for being nice to people while you go and spread vitriol and rumors among the ohsoserious internet. It doesn't give you the right to cry to a mommy you don't even visit anymore.
Get over yourself. Seek some therapy. Write some bad fanfiction or poetry. Bitch and complain like a normal person! Stop pretending your word is law to everyone and everything.
Let those of us who actually watch enjoy it for what it is. It's not like you watch any more, as you brag oh so many times. Why do you even care any more?
You should be ashamed of yourselves for this behavior.
Sincerely,
A Chick Ashamed of Her Fandom
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[17 Oct 2009|11:39pm] |
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Dear PotO fandom,
I have fondness for you. I really do. You're cute and wide-eyed and a little deluded, but I like you nonetheless. Maybe I don't like you all the time, but usually, we're pretty good friends.
But for the love of god, if you are going to write anything about a book/musical/whatever based on opera, research a little about classical voice. Some of the things you say about opera in general are just... boggling. And yeah, okay, maybe Leroux had a few problems himself (a twenty year old singing title roles? Are you shitting me?), but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be somewhat knowledgeable about what you're writing. I mean, I saw a fic where Christine sings Carmen, for goodness sake.
Just, a little research? Please? And knowing if the opera was even written at the time the story took place is a good idea, too.
I'm not expecting you to be required to write a paper on the history of opera before you write fanfic. That's stupid. But you generally like this music anyway, so a remedial education wouldn't be too horrible, would it?
Love,
Me
PS: I know that Christine is supposed to be the perfect Marguerite, but can we use an opera other than Faust once in awhile? She'd make an adorable Gilda. Just sayin'.
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[12 Oct 2009|01:00pm] |
Dear Writers,
I'm not going to read your fic if your summary: - breaks the fourth wall - especially if you're trying to be mysterious or witty about it
- vehemently claims not to be a Mary Sue fic
- has incorrect grammar or spelling. I may forgive you if it's obvious you were trying to work around FF.net's summary word count, but were all those warnings really necessary?
- mentions an original character that's the daughter of Snape, Voldemort, or Lucius Malfoy. (That's not an exclusive or.)
- loudly proclaims "NO SLASH". Yes, I know there's readers out there who have issues with reading slash, but the "gen" label works just as nicely and is more character count-efficient. By the way, you're posting to the "Harry P. & Draco M." section - trust me, anyone trawling here isn't looking for het.
- has a canon male character as a female then pairs hir up with a male character - I smell Sue! The name "Alyssa" is not helping; that was my Sue name back in the day. When I was 10.
Sincerely,
Not Alyssa
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[08 Oct 2009|12:01am] |
Dear Blizzard,
For the love of epics, could we have one female character with a custom model who doesn't have her stomach and cleavage visible? All of these women are in armor, only one of them doesn't really need her organs, and none of them are the type to dress that way.
Sincerely,
One of your feminist subscribers
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[02 Oct 2009|09:45am] |
I recently started reccing for an online community and have been wandering about the net to see what Shakespeare slash I could scare up that was worth reviewing. Most of the ones I'm interested in I already knew about, but I came across one that should have been good; it was from one of the histories, right in my ballpark, and by an author I knew had the academic background to make it work.
Alas.
The bloody thing was peppered with footnotes.
Footnotes. In slash fiction.
Dear author: the point of writing fiction is to take the reader out of the world and give them a unique experience. The point is not to educate them, nor even to show them how bloody clever you think you are. If this is your purpose, don't write slash - write an essay.
Pick a horse and ride it; don't try to saddle two at once.
I tried. God knows I tried. It should have been good, but at the end of every other sentence there was a damned pothook leading to half a page of notes. Here's a little hint: If the explanation takes up a greater amount of text than the story you're doing it wrong.
And the point of writing slash fiction is not, and never has been, to show off. The point is to entertain. Some people manage both, admittedly, but entertainment should be the priority.
This woman should get over herself, and in a big hurry.
x-posted from my LJ
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| This is why we don't read negative reviews of things we love, no? |
[30 Sep 2009|04:52pm] |
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Dear Amazon reviewer:
and the author's style of Victorian writing
Look, I'm aware that you're probably American, but you are apparently familiar enough with Jane Austien to declare the book you're reviewing nothing like hers.
But the five books in the series take place between 1805 and 1808. The last book has Prinny stepping up as regent, King George having gone all wrong in the head, and Napoleon just beaten off the shores of England. This is not Victorian.
However, you are better than the person who declared that the story was derivative of Eragon, because in one a boy finds a dragon egg in the woods where it was hidden from the forces of evil, and in the other an experienced navy captain captures a French ship and finds a dragon's egg being transported in the hold as a gift from China to Napoleon.
Also, dear other reviewer,
The fact that he called him 'my dear' and gave him trinkets and jewels to please him, and coddled him like a pet gave me a very uncomfortable feeling.
That's called "shipping". You'll get used to it.
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[26 Sep 2009|10:40am] |
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You don't like slash? Especially not in your historical fandom, and especially not between two of the main characters, because one is the manly man of your dreams? (Despite the fact that he's really something of a narcissistic coward who's in rather poor health and has a giant, fragile ego that can be shattered by a few words-- not saying he isn't adorable, of course, I love the poor guy, but he's not made out of badass manliness.)
( Read more... )
In summary: Anti-slasher goes out of her way to find out what I slash, gets into a tizzy and defriends me because she is "completely not okay" with my ship (that I have never knowingly mentioned in her presence). What.
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[25 Sep 2009|11:29am] |
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Not all non-canon shippers, be they slash, het, femslash, or whatever are "teenagers who need to mature so they'll know better", sweetie pumpkin (hey, if you're going to pull out the sugary condescension, I will, too). The fact that you automatically assume that even in a fandom where the majority of members are over eighteen speaks volumes about your own fandom maturity. In fact, I dare you to go into the long-running fandoms and pull that shit. Come on over to a place like scans_daily, or one of the old-school Trek comms and tell everyone who thinks any pairing the author didn't explicitly state is interesting anyway is obviously an immature teenager with no sense of writing or characterization. It'll be fun to watch you get roasted on a spit.
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[26 Aug 2009|04:33pm] |
Dear Fanbrats,
I know how you love your nostalgia goggles but if you are going to whine and complain about a game that hasn't come out yet destroying a franchise as you know it, but can you please come up with something better than "he wears glasses now" as the major reason?
Seriously now,
Me
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| Films count as fandom, right? |
[23 Aug 2009|01:03pm] |
Dear Uptight Film Purists,
I hate you all. I really, really do. Because you are the ones who always protest against such wonderful new advances in the industry such as CGI, or Performance Capture, or other digital media, claiming it will ruin film FOREVER, when all these technologies do is act as tools for the imagination of filmmakers. And your main evidence for when one of these new techniques debuts? "It's not good enough." Good grief, do the words "developing medium" have ANY meaning for you?! Yeah, the stuff could use improvement, but guess where they have to get the money to make such improvements for future projects?
In conclusion, I hate you and your kneejerk reactions to every new advance made for entertainment, when all you're really doing is trying to get in the way of progress.
No love at all,
Me
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| Way to sound like a dick, John! |
[07 Aug 2009|11:56am] |
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"We gotta find Jack a new piece of ass!"
(around 4:09)
I don't know how this got past me right after ComicCon.
A shame, because his earlier talking about buying lots of action figures and calling them "dolls" was sort of adorkable.
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[02 Aug 2009|11:50am] |
Dear fellow RPers who use Played Bys,
The point was not about 'but PBs are hard baaaaaw', it was not about how people just use sexy people as their PBs, it was not about shitty icons, or age appropriateness. It was about people doing stupid racist shit by claiming their character was Asian/Native/Black/etc and using icons of white people. It was about Racefail, goddamnit, pay attention!
Stop changing the topic, stop whining, and for THE LOVE OF GOD stop going through such great lengths to defend an RPer referring to their Native American character as a noble savage.
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| Icon Unrelated |
[14 Jul 2009|08:28pm] |
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Dear [insert fandom name] Fic Writer,
I envy you a little, I really do; I try to push myself to write something every day and most of the time I find it pretty crap, much less something I'd consider posting to a comm for other people to look at.
But you? You not only write every day, you write multiple fics and then you post them. I assume you do this right after you finish each one, because with maybe two exceptions you've posted every day for the past month and your fics? I might be generous to suggest they're usually a page long. Very generous.
I would assume that you also crosspost the hell out of your 'fics', but I'm only in a couple of central comms and not any of the random tangent-y ones our mutual fandom seems to have spawned. I can only imagine if one were watching across them and found themselves with three posts of yours in one day across several communities. Overjoyed, I'm sure!
So while I admire your enthusiasm, you perhaps might invest in a beta, a drabble file, and a load of self-restraint. My brain and friends list would thank you.
Love, Jyuu
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| Dear Writer: |
[12 Jul 2009|12:58pm] |
I appreciate your eagerness to post fanfiction for this new game, but would it really kill you to wait until you've played it to write a story about this character? Rather than basing your characterization off of a similar-looking but entirely unrelated character from the studio's previous game?
Plus, you paired him up with a girl who turns out to be his sister.
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| Real life gay people aren't your goddamn paper dolls, what the hell? |
[10 Jul 2009|12:18am] |
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Okay, this one takes a bit of background. I'm friends with a married couple. They're adorable and have three children. Also the husband identifies as gay; according to him the only woman he's ever found remotely attractive is the one he married. He's pretty easy-going about the sort of stupid questions he usually gets in regards to that and he doesn't take himself too seriously. We're all three not quite Browncoats, just dorks who like Firefly without getting so much into the fandom. They live in the suburbs of Columbus now, which is around an hour and a half from where I live.
The week before last they came down for "Can't Stop the Serenity," the Browncoat fundraiser where theaters run "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" and "Serenity" to raise money for Equality Now. The the theater was packed pretty tight, so we didn't mind when a couple of girls we didn't know asked to sit next to us. Everything was fine until Adam made some joke during "Serenity" about how he and Wash are two of a kind, the goofy dork who no one expects to be married to the hot ass-kicking chick, except he acts straighter. Then our new friends immediately began to ask him all sorts of personal and creepy questions about whether or not he had a boyfriend and what he did with that boyfriend. Then they wanted to talk to him about slash fic. "Hush now, we want to watch the movie" and even "yeah, this lady I'm sitting with? She's the wife I mentioned. That enough, or do I have to break out pictures of our kids?" didn't really phase them. In fact, after that they wanted to know if the two of them had a boyfriend then and the specifics of exactly how they came to have kids. We had to move Adam to the other side of Steph and I before they would leave him alone.
I'm thinking of this now because I ran into Adam and Steph and their kids when I went to the zoo in Columbus yesterday and we got to talking. Apparently during the intermission between "Dr. Horrible" and "Serenity," before the girls showed their crazy, they all got to talking about some board or forum that Adam and one of the girls are both on. Now she's sending him all sorts of strange questions and links to her porny fanwork.
I remember wanks involving Browncoats, but I always kind of thought they tended to be wanky crazy instead of crazy crazy. I... can't even properly word a long rant about this because it seems so obvious. You don't treat people like that what the fuck. Sits next to you at a movie =/= wants to be your wank fodder. Gay men with their own lives and families are not the same thing as the fictional dudes in your smut. How the hell do you get to be in your late teens/early twenties and not know something that basic?
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| I'm all for alternate universes, but ... |
[09 Jul 2009|04:20pm] |
How far down the barrel do you have to get before you make Jeeves (Stephen Fry) and/or Bertie (Hugh Laurie) Japanese schoolgirls or transvestite pirates? Now we also have Jeeves introducing Bertie to the delights of BDSM. It's not that I object to the subject matter, but as it's so far from the characterisations as originally written by Wodehouse I would expect a half-way competent writer to take the time and trouble to set it up properly, not just plunge into the middle without explanation. I'm perfectly prepared to be convinced by a wacky story premise, if only the author makes an effort, but there's experimental and there's experimental - and some of these are just ... words fail.
I know it's 'just a hobby' and all, but that's no reason not to want to do it well.
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[08 Jul 2009|06:48pm] |
Alright, to revise my older rant.
I could give a shit what you think of my favorite character. You could call her a "bitch, slut, whore". It still wouldn't phase me. You could write intellectual rants about why you think the character sucks. I wouldn't care. Really, I could care less. I just smile and kindly ignore any posts of the sort.
So, you say that I can't like said character. Now, I start giving a shit. Also, your only compromise is to abide by a strict set of fandom rules, because every fan of said character is rabid. These rules are just idiotic. You want me to admit the character's flaws constantly. Her virtues can never be mentioned. Also, I can't ship this ship, because only immature fangirls ship it. Oh, go fuck yourself in a corner. If I didn't ship it already, I'd ship it out of spite.
Ugh, go die in a house fire or something.
Rant done. Now to go practice my audition song for Annie Got Your Gun, because contrary to fandom belief, this fan of said character has a life.
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[03 Jul 2009|08:08am] |
I remember those good old days. I was twelve years old, and I thought everyone's internet opinion was serious business. I got my panties in a tight wad whenever someone dissed that one character I obsessed over. Then, I would proceed to declare internet war and make big essays about why no one should say mean things about my favorite character ever.
Really though, why do people care so much? It's a fictional character. That character is a figment of some creative author's imagination. It's not anyone's mom or something. Sure, people's reasoning behind things can be dumb, but let's face it: they'll get lives in a couple of years. Wankers usually do. Okay, not all of them, but still! I love Cassie Ainsworth from Skins. I have this girl crush on her, but I'm not gonna get all pissed the hell of if someone on the internet called her a stupid bitchy whore. Really? I'm too busy keeping chicks off my real life man to care about some fictional character's e-reputation.
/cleans the splooge up
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[08 Jun 2009|11:06pm] |
""Yes, that must be it. Tell me, Fujino-san, if the public clearly enjoys my music, despite knowing my sexual orientation, what makes you think shame and disgrace will come to your family? Think about it this way: charts show around 87% of Japan is open-minded to homosexuality. If there is something anti-gay, they tend to stay away from whatever that is. This has also been proven. Right now, your company is number one in the amount of sales made. 92% of the population in Japan come to your products first. If that 87% were to find out you were anti-gay, how much do you think your profits will plummet?" (I have no idea if this is true. I'm making it all up. XD)"
This is not cute. It is INFURIATING. There is The Fucking Google. Hell, there is The Fucking Wikipedia, if you feel like skipping Step 1 in the Google chain and going straight to the source. Please make use of either of these options, lest I take a bat to your hands.
Bonus Rant: I did not read your fic to get a fucking lecture about Why We Need To Love The Queers. As an official, card-carrying Queer, my sole interest is not in your politics but reading mocking your fic. I am not going to sit through your page-long, teenager-righteous, OOC "I Will Survive" speech. I am going to briefly sneer at it and go back to looking for bad!porn with dissolving vaginas.
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[22 May 2009|10:34pm] |
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Okay. So you kids like your RPF. That's all well and good and dandy, I like me some RPF too.
But where I get pissed right the fuck off is when your little fic community is full of fics of a really implausible pairing, and every single fic includes a line about how the male half of the pairing's wife of nearly 9 years is a "crazy bitch." Usually enumerated by an actress known to be one of the classiest in the business, which just seems so out of character. Also, to write him cheating on said wife... just no.
(Literally. Every. Fic.)
Of course, seeing wank reports about various fandoms, I know that the real-life significant others of people who get in the way of their beloved ships often make fen froth and kermitflail, but this is such a small fandom, with a lot of not-as-well known people, I don't know why I assumed this one would be different.
It's disappointing to say the least. Guess I'll have to stick to the outskirts of the fandom once again, cause I don't want to get the crazy on me.
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