Dear Writers,

I'm not going to read your fic if your summary:

breaks the fourth wall - especially if you're trying to be mysterious or witty about it
vehemently claims not to be a Mary Sue fic
has incorrect grammar or spelling. I may forgive you if it's obvious you were trying to work around FF.net's summary word count, but were all those warnings really necessary?
mentions an original character that's the daughter of Snape, Voldemort, or Lucius Malfoy. (That's not an exclusive or.)
loudly proclaims "NO SLASH". Yes, I know there's readers out there who have issues with reading slash, but the "gen" label works just as nicely and is more character count-efficient. By the way, you're posting to the "Harry P. & Draco M." section - trust me, anyone trawling here isn't looking for het.
has a canon male character as a female then pairs hir up with a male character - I smell Sue! The name "Alyssa" is not helping; that was my Sue name back in the day. When I was 10.

Sincerely,
Not Alyssa