Fandom Wank Lives!

the_sun_is_up] 10:28am - Toy company makes grown men rage; film at eleven.
mood: Sparkly

Hasbro’s robust My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic franchise is doing something that a lot of girl-aimed television franchises have done: it’s spawning a semi-canonical tie-in movie.

The film, entitled “Equestria Girls,” is about Twilight Sparkle getting sucked into the human world, turning into a human, and winding up in what appears to be a technicolor version of Mean Girls. As you can imagine, the Brony fandom is absolutely delighted that the production team is making such a drastic change to their beloved formula and... oh wait, no, they're pitching a fit about it.

Knowing Brony fandom's reputation for grade-A unfunny, I have done my best to sift through the wank and bring you only the funny bits! (Though if you click any of the links, be warned — you're going into no-man's land.)

First off, there's some minor wanking on this April article on Equestria Daily, where some poor souls are still holding out hope that it’s not real: ( De Nial is a river full of hungry violent hippos... )

However, the wanking really gets going with the release of a trailer.

There is capslock o’ rage and harsh language! ( Cut for whinging )

There is vast overestimation of Brony fandom’s importance: ( Bronies make the world go round )

Some people think the anthro-ed ponies look too much like their pony selves. Because changing things is bad, but not changing things enough is also bad: ( Why is it different/not different? Why?!? )

Twilightisbest suggests a protest! ( Walk-outs and demographics and greed, oh my! )

There is talk of CENSORSHIP and the FIRST AMENDMENT! ( Get thee to a Civics class )

Naturally, there are conspiracy theories: ( Hasbro just wants to stick it to us! )

Some people are worried that the movie might be blighted by the heinous scourge known only as... [scare chord] ...the ROMANCE SUBPLOT! ( Anti-shipping wank, right this way )

Some people are getting a tad melodramatic: ( Tell me about your pony angst )

And of course there’s complaining about the complaining: ( Like a mobius strip! )

But at least this guy has his priorities in order:

Derpendable
The cmc have boobs..

(CMC = Cutie Mark Crusaders = Applejack's kid sister and her two little pals)

Dark Qiviut seems to be repeating himself a lot: ( Cut for stampede of bluish quadrupeds )

Okay, enough of that windbag. Back in the May ED posts, Blackstar033 wants the option to expunge all hints of the movie from the Equestria Daily site: ( Stick your fingers in your ears and go la la la )

And to top it all off, the CEO of another toy company makes a cameo:

Novem_Vulpes
Ooh boy all this hate is giving me the bronchitis. How come it is so easy to rile up the internets with a CHILDREN'S CARD GA-- I MEAN TELEVISION SERIES?

inDerpxar
SCREW THE RULES I HAVE PONIES

Seto Kaiba
don't make me send my lawyers

David_Ker
Mr Kaiba, I have a question: in your world, are court cases resolved through card games?

THE END (until the actual film comes out)

Edit: I am sososo sorry about the html fuckup. orz

(82 wanks | kerfluffle!)

Monday
May 13

[

seca] 10:19pm - The Great Con Conspiracy Desu

I would like to thank the mousey over at wank_report for bringing this little nugget up. So lets revel in some actual funny here.

In Colorado the main anime convention has been Nan Desu Kan. In recent years another anime convention has been building up some steam, Animeland Wasabi.

Right after this year's Animeland Wasabi ended in the beginning of March anime company Funimation announced a lawsuit against Miller Timmons, and ten John Does for selling counterfeit items at Wasabi. (Anime News Network article) Timmons also manages the convention under his Think Art Media and Animeland businesses. There is also a nice breakdown of the lawsuit in this screencap.

A few days ago an announcement is made on the front page of Animeland Wasabi that basically decries that Funimation and Nan Desu Kan are trying to get rid of Animeland Wasabi because NDK totally got their people to find some bootleg merchandise at Wasabi to show to Funimation to get them to sue Wasabi.(Be warned of glaring green background.)

And who would doubt these claims after such strong opening statements like these:

To our anime community, Animeland would like to give details about the lawsuit between Funimation vs. Miller Timmons. The framework of this lawsuit that is pending in the Denver court system is an attempt for Funimation, Nan Desu Kan and Wasabi Anime to drive Animeland, Miller Timmons, and their fans out of the anime community in Denver because we have grown over the past six years.

At the end of that tl;dr there is a screencap of a reply from ThatGuyInTheHat who manages to Godwin himself, in German no less, to a poster on the forums.

Also in the comments to the ANN article the CEO of the site says that they did try to contact Timmons before they posted the article, which goes against Animeland Wasabi's claim that they have not been contacted for a statement. There also seems to have been some wanky comments that have been since deleted in that thread without being screen capped unfortunately.

There is a discussion on the forum (which seems to now no longer be, but there are screen caps) about the announcement where we learn that the screed went through lawyers before being posted. ThatGuyInTheHat believes that anyone who is sticking up for NDK is NDK staff. That he can only give vague hints of NDK's wrongdoings because they could be spying on their forum and use what is said against Wasabi.

Nan Desu Kan has released their own press release on the matter, where they avoid saying much of anything outside that they are not making any anime company to anything for them and are too busy with their own con to care about anyone else's.

With all this popping up shortly after the hearing to figure out the scheduling for the case one can only assume that this may be the beginning.

And in case anything else appears to go poof here are the screen caps collected so far.

(47 wanks | kerfluffle!)

Sunday
May 5

[

redcoast] 04:34pm - What happened to SPN's bi pride?

( Read more... )

Edit: The consensus was that this wasn't funny. Sorry about that. I obviously made an error in judgment yesterday. Also, some people said this was triggering/upsetting with regards to bi/homophobia, so be warned.

Edit 2: holy shit. That's a nice painting.

(230 wanks | kerfluffle!)

Sunday
April 28

[

cleolinda] 03:08pm - Decoupaging the text from the wrong perspective?

A blogger buys a used, beat-up copy of Anne Rice's Pandora, ends up not liking it, and decides to get crafty with it. (Well, she also says, "Don’t be mad at me, even if Pandora really is one of the worst Anne Rice novels then it’s still better written than Twilight. Just not by as much as you think.")

Anne Rice finds out.

Anne Rice links to the blog on her Facebook.

You know what happens next.

( HOW DARE YOU EVEN COMPARE SHITTY ASS STEPHANIE MEYER TO THE QUALITY WORK THAT IS ANNE RICE )

(273 wanks | kerfluffle!)

Wednesday
April 17

[

redcoast] 02:39pm - Supernatural fans use their decoder rings

I thought I'd write about the SPN fandom doing something that wasn't horrendous, but, rather, harmlessly crazy.

Jerry Wanek, a/the production designer for Supernatural, Tweeted after episode 8.17, "Goodbye Stranger," aired on March 30 2013, hinting that a clue had been included in the set design for Naomi's office. Naomi is a new character played by Amanda Tapping, and, naturally, a lot of people in the fandom hate her character. (Youtube link.) She is a lady. Coincidence?! Anyway, Naomi (Tapping) hacked into Castiel's brain and has been controlling him most of the season. She tries to use this mind control to force him to kill Dean, but Dean's Love For Castiel breaks the spell.

No, I'm not kidding. That's an objective description of what happens.

You can watch the scene on Youtube here if you want, but I must warn for violence, gore, and somewhat disturbing content.

Jerry Wanek tweets, "Speaking of detail! Naomi's office windows have a certain pattern no one picked up on?"

A fan named Neinka takes some screencaps and notices that the lighting on the windows changes from white to blue/purple/pink. She writes, "OK I will bite…what’s with the different colors?" dean-man-of-feathers replies,

I’m not saying that when the control this place and Naomi had over Castiel [broke] the colors changed into the bisexuality pride flag, but

IT LITERALLY CHANGED INTO THE BISEXUALITY PRIDE FLAG

Indeed, the Bi Pride flag is pink and blue with a purple streak in the middle, though the color scheme is reversed in the episode (pink's on top for the flag, blue's on top for SPN). Andythanfiction - yes, that Andythanfiction - weighs in:

*blink*

Ok. I’m usually the first guy at the head of the “you’re reading too much into that shit” line, and I still freely admit that it sure as fuck could be that we’re still missing the point. But damn. Um. When we’ve been told by the set design staff to look for a hidden message in Naomi’s office windows in this episode, and when Cas’ love for Dean breaks through Naomi’s control in the same episode we learn he is in fact sexually interested in women and a sexual being the windows in her office change color abruptly into the bi pride symbol with no other apparent impetus and when it makes for ugly-ass and awkward lighting?

I give in. That theory is definitely legit plausible.

Before you can type "Sounds legit," Wanek shoots the theory down: "My dear friend Serge [Ladouceur] controls the lighting. It was about emotion and the passage of time. Although I am happy to support LGBT."

The fans have not stopped seeing Jesus in soap stains, of course. @SingSimpleSongs on Twitter asks Russ Hamilton, who is a location manager or something, if his erratic capitalization has any kind of hidden meaning to it, and takes his reply as a confirmation:

Notice that Y, U, and S are capitalized spelling “YUS” [sic]. So either the guys fucking with us, or there’s something there. I say we give it a shot. Could be fun.

So here’s the rules:

Find a tweet on Russ’ twitter that he has made about Supernatural and note if there are any capital letters in the tweet (starting with the first one he made about 8x23)
Screenshot it and then submit it to me with the timestamp and the capital letters he uses as the caption. (Example found here)
I have made a page on my blog to compile all the tweets. Make sure you check that before you send me your screenshot so we can avoid doubles.
As they all come in, I’ll see if anything pops out at me.
Have fun. Let’s show Russ Hamilton how hard [sic] it is to mess with us. It’ll be like a twitter treasure hunt.

casswantsthe-d-ean scours his twitter and comes up with the message "He IS BI." When they tweet the theory at Russ, he replies that it's an "impressive body of work." Or rather he replies "I think I shall call you Sherlock Reptar. it IS an impressive body of work, but I cannot comment on it beyond that." The secret message there is "IISRISI."

221bowties has had enough of this nonsense and selects the capital letters of one of Hamilton's tweets to spell out "BUTSEKS." And then they must clarify that they were making a joke because people are taking them seriously.

I have only one thing to say and that thing is TSTFBUTSEKAS.

(90 wanks | kerfluffle!)

Monday
April 8

[

annepackrat] 11:54pm - AIDS is not a viable marketing strategy for sports teams
mood: *sporfle!*

In the USA our big soccer/football league is called Major League Soccer, or MLS. In this league there is a team called Chivas USA who are best known for being the Los Angeles team that Beckham did NOT play for. They are also the "little brother" team to the very popular Mexican team Club Deportivo Guadalajara (who's nickname is Chivas, or goats in Spanish). Both teams are owned by the same man.

However, Chivas USA is nowhere near as popular as it's big brother team. Lately it's been averaging 6000 or so per game (the much loved Seattle Sounders average 30000 or more a game). The folks over at Big Soccer have been discussing the reason for the team's low attendance.

A few posts in a user named djkas14 comes in and enlightens the plebian fans as to the true problem with Chivas USA. (Unfortunately, djkas14 was banned like so many prophets before him, and his posts were deleted at the same time. However, he was quoted quite a bit so his words are still present to enlighten us all.)

( It's all in the name. )

So there you have it. A short and silly wank to start off your week.

ETA: I'll probably be making minor spelling / grammar and formatting corrections for the next few hours.

ETA 2: We've been spotted!. And Darkwing387 wants a plaque to commemorate this event if possible.

(127 wanks | kerfluffle!)

Friday
March 29

[

isntitironic] 10:31pm - Drive-By Shipping Wank

This just happened on Tumblr, and I think everybody involved is more confused than anything else. Our dramatis personae are Fuchsiamae, Tumblr Portal fandom's most vocal and prolific Caveline shipper, and a persistent anon.

( Cervidae of the Turquoise Persuasuion )

(82 wanks | kerfluffle!)

Saturday
March 23

[

queencallipygos] 12:14am - Just In Time For FW's Anniversary!

My friends:

I have just found a wank that arguably combines elements of three of the classic wanks recently featured in the Deathmatch: His Wife, A Horse, the Snapewives, and My Ponies Hate You Now.

Simply put: Deviant Art member Kevinsano specializes in My Little Pony art. However, another Bronie recently wrote him a letter asking him to curtail his more erotic MLP art, particularly art depicting Twilight Sparkle - because, argued this correspodent, he and Twilight Sparkle were engaged.

I'm totally head over heels in love with Twilight Sparkle. I have been for 11 months now and at this point I'm in a committed relationship with my Twiley.

Actual email reproduced here. MTV coverage here, and the AV club weighs in here.

Enjoy.

Updated: For your convenience, a dramatic reading of the letter, if you prefer podcasts...

Update the Second: The blushing bridegroom's account of his love story on the MLP fandom fora. (I couldn't get the link to the profile to work, so than you for this!) (Update of the update: link now goes to a Googlecache as the forum link proper stopped working.)

(401 wanks | kerfluffle!)

Monday
March 18

[

snacky] 09:38am - And the winner is...

Msscribe! She defeated Crystalwank easily in the end, and who was really surprised? I am sure she's out there somewhere, cackling over this latest triumph in her quest to dominate fandom. :D

Thanks for playing along! I hope you all had a good time. I don't know if we'll do this ever again, but it was fun to go back to all the old wanks and take a stroll down memory lane.

(96 wanks | kerfluffle!)

Sunday
March 17

[

snacky] 09:40am - Tenth Anniversary Deathmatch, FINALS

Both of yesterday's battles were closer than I had expected, in the beginning at least. But once Msscribe and Crystalwank gained momentum, there was no stopping them (which is actually kind of true for the wanks and the wankers, now that I think about it), sorry Mrs. Horse and Snapewives.

But as Sep said: "Harry Potter and Lotr wanks in the end: Just as God intended."

Now there can only be one.

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