Fanfic is violating the sanctity of my...
Ahhhh, the smell of batshit in the morning, to quote someone from the wank.

Fanficrants is often a source of some interesting wank and such, but this one hit a whole new level of it.

So there's this chick, see, she likes X-Men fandom just a teensy bit too much, as posted here in FFR.

From jean_summers to fanficrants:

I've heard that some authors claim their characters "talk" to them and that makes some kind of sense. I mean, when I write discussions, I like to imagine the characters talking. Anyway, in one of my fandoms *cough* X-Men *cough* there's a loon who not only claims that she is "soul bonded" to one of the main characters but that SHE IS THE CHARACTER. The character is Cyclops.

This person will flame, insult and throw little temper tantrums whenever someone writes her "beloved" character. She actually started sending people emails telling them that writing fics about Scott is "killing" her because it is "making him upset."

Highlights include:

... Anne Rice is in your fandom?

You could always introduce yourself as Jean Grey, and ask if she's interested in a threesome...

But it gets BETTER, ladies and germs, because the nutter in question hath SEEN the FFR rant and gotten positively irate.

I saw your fanficrants rant and it was uncalled for! I am not crazy and I don't appreciate people like you who can't possibly understand me insulting me! I asked you and the other medicore (sic) Jott writers to LEAVE HIM ALONE. None of you write him well enough to be called authors or authoresses. I tried to ignore your fanons and canons and stupid retracing of his life but I can't anymore! He is mine and not yours! YOU ARE DESTROYING HIM. It's making him mad and its making me cry! I can't bear to see him this upset!

Let me put it to you like this: some people believe they take Jesus Christ into their hearts and souls. I believe I have taken Scott. This is my religion and its really rude of you to think your (sic) better than me! We are not only soul-bonded we are married and he is part of me! I feel him within me every day and his presence is comforting. I turn to him in times of need, celebrate in times of happiness and gather strength from him when I need it. I have even changed my last name to his and my two kids even call him "Daddy."

Stop judging things you tiny mind cannot possibly comprehend. If you leave Scott out of your fanfics you won't hear from either of us again. We just want to go about our lives.

What follows is four pages of comments that are much win.

But wait, here's the batshit trifecta!

"scottswife" responds directly!

So jean_summers posted here about me. Yes, I have developed my own religion and I am raising my children into it. Who the hell cares? Leave me alone. Yeah I get mad at some of the X-Men Jott writers because I don't want their crappy fanfics insulting me, my husband, our marriage or the love I have created.

My children lost their biological father to a dumb 20-something whore so I raised them to believe in soulbonding. They love their "new" father. They love him like Christians love Jesus Christ. Christians are the original soulbonders. Why don't you go screw with them and leave me alone!!!!!

Don't insult something you can't possibly understand. Soulbonding has been around for a long time. In one of jean_summers posts, mergle posted that they invented soulbonding. THAT IS NOT TRUE. IT HAS BEEN AROUND MUCH LONGER THAN YOUR OR I.

Oh, yes this is an alternate journal that my usual one because I don't want you losers bothering me!!!

elsewhere7 gets it FTW!

I don't think it's over!

Besides, everyone knows that he loves Emma anyway.

ETA the first!: She's back! Troll or hoax, this is some primo stuff

ETA the second!: baron_waste shows up to tell us how dumb we are to think this is real:

And the “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate” Award goes to -


I think that whoever jean_summers actually is, she (he?) ought to be given an award of some sort, an A + for effort, and a round of applause.

Look at it: Creating a sock-puppet LJ account (have none of you people bothered to read the "entries"?! Day 1 "Hey, I just wandered off an aircraft carrier - looking for work - say, let's launch this fanficrants story!" The next day - "Well, can't find a job - I'm thinking of signing on for another tour of duty...." As of five days later, no further entries... Which end of the clue bat would you like to be hit with first?)

- then creating a troll account that just happens to use the very same LJ format as her (his?) own...

And out of the hundreds upon hundreds of indignant and vociferous and eye-rolling entries, only a bare handful even voiced a suspicion that this community was being hoaxed.

My word, but you lot are gullible. Poke you with a properly-crafted stick, and you fly up and around screeching like a flock of birds in a cage.

She (he?) must have laughed herself sick. We'll hear no more of, or from “jean_summers” -- but from the actual author we may expect to hear again, and soon.

My word, but we lot are enjoying this.

And Scott's Wife is responding to questions, complete with furbashing!