"HARRY POTTER IS A BABY BOOK. ANY GROWNUP WHO READS THEM IS A DUMMY."
As wanks go, this one is pretty mild -- being on the web site of a newspaper and all -- but it's got some goodies in there.

Someone going by the name of "Bidisha" writes a piece in the Guardian about the HP films, decrying them as "safe" and wishing for a director who'd really grasp the dark aspects of the books. Someone like, say, David Lynch. Or David Cronenberg. Or Kathryn Bigelow. No, really.

Thus we get the allcaps abuse quoted in the title of this post and other amusing bits:

"David Lynch would fill Hogwarts with dwarfs and introduce a strange woman whose best friend was a fish or something."

"Oh gosh, yes, a slash film by pointless gibberish merchant David Lynch would be the perfect adaptation for the next Potter book. Mercy me."
(I think the poster may have meant "slasher", but I'm not sure.)

"I read the first book and found it tedious, snobbish and ill-written. Anyway the books are basically about school and as I hated school they have little appeal for me. If adults must read books about school then try "Tom Brown's School Days" - much better written."

"Homoerotic obsession with Draco Malfoy? Rubbish. Harry's obsession was based on hatred and suspicion, not the desire to jump his bones. Why read into it something that isn't there?"
(Ahahahahaha. Oh, dear poster, stay away from fandom.)

(Is it wrong of me to actually want to know what Harry Potter by way of David Cronenberg would be like?)