Yes, I Am Attacking Your Character.
As many of you no doubt saw, Don S. Davis recently went to his reward. In his memory, I thought I would reminisce a bit about a batshit fan of his: alt.tv.twin-peaks's own katbeneda.



Kat's short but interesting stay on the surprisingly long-lived usenet group began in the summer of 2005, with this inoffensive request:

A minute detail. Does anyone know the name of the instrument Albert Rosenfield was using to jab at and wave in the faces of Will Hayward and Benjamin Horne during the fight at the morgue in Episode 3?...I'm compiling a list of "Wisdom of Albert Rosenfield, fictional forensics genius" and would like this information to enrich his comments in that scene, as a stage direction.

A very ordinary sort of fannish question, and if her style was a bit pretentious and prolix, it was not unusually so for that group. For a few months, all was well.

Then in October, another newbie appeared on the scene: Helen, aka wonderfalls. Helen's introductory post mentioned her dislike of the character Annie. katbeneda felt the need to reply at length.

I'm not sure if you'll be able to follow my reasoning because it's pre-disengaged from a standard that is both universal and positive, but I think it'd be a cop-out to blame it all on Annie.

She goes on to explain that we cannot fault Annie for being so attractive as to activate Agent Cooper's self-sacrificing tendencies, then suddenly veers onto her favorite character - Major Garland Briggs, who was so memorably portrayed by Don Davis.

I wasn't aware of it at the time but it was the Major's Protestant orientation that I was attracted to. Speaking personally, a Protestant upbringing - or even just the *illusion* of a Protestant upbringing - is something I feel I absolutely needed in order to live like a human being but did not receive, and I have fought all my life to replace that lack with a sustained effort to heal myself and others. That's a huge part of what I as an individual viewer have brought with me to Twin Peaks, and all my observations are heavily colored by that awareness.

wonderfalls, apparently having nothing to add regarding Major Brigg's illusion of Protestantism, replies:

I would argue with this notion of Annie being attaractive. The only reason we think that is because Cooper finds her attractive.

...His attraction to Annie, for me, implies things about his character that I don't like. And Annie is a pawn...of the writers. She is a plot device put there to get to a certain end and not because she fits into the show.


katbenda responds with some helpful advice:

That's just an abject cop-out. If you are upset about being assaulted by the entertainment industry's (heinous) masturbatory dictates, which is what I strongly suspect your problems with Cooper and Annie (as portrayed) really are, then you are *obligated* to take better care of yourself and the people around you by working to first accept and then improve your so-called real relationships in your so-called real life. Your personal problems are not invisible. In other words try getting rid of your infantile sexual jealousy *before* losing control over it when you see it in television or elsewhere. First you must own it before you get rid of it.

wonderfalls is not grateful.

How exactly is that a cop-out? I explained in technical terms all my issues with Annie. I think it's ridiculous that you expect me to agree with you just because you have such burning love for Annie.

...Yes, she's perfect within the fictional universe of Twin Peaks. I just don't like perfect Mary Sue characters.

katbenda's response to this is unfortunately too lengthy to quote in its entirety. It begins with,

You're just jealous because you can't get laid well.

and ends with,

Kids these days. Not only do they have no experience of decency and respect; they also seem to hate it.

But the really wanky parts are in the middle.

A few days later, realizing that the rest of the group experiences an ongoing disinclination to enter into meaningful exchange, katbeneda made her farewell post - the promised collection of Albert Rosenfield quotes, bringing her time amongst the peaksters full circle. However, she had a few things to say first, concerning "grumpy Nancy-boys," the "magic" of direct banking, the inadequacy of Star Trek: The Next Generation as a religion, the evil of slash fic, and... well, other stuff.


Say what you will about katbeneda, she stood on the rim of the volcano. She stood alone, and did her dance.