Sung to the tune of the obvious:

Don't stalk me to Argentina
The truth is I never wanked you
Through all my disdain
My awful squicked-ness
I kept my temper
Don't lose your shit

And as to bottsex
And sproinging cocks
I didn't expect them in here
For it seemed to the world this was just plug & play
That was an illusion
D'ya think you could warn us?
My eye-hymens are scarred
The solution is not frickin' hard
I asked nicely, and you blew your nut

Don't stalk me to Argentina
The truth is I never wanked you
Through all your swearing
Your apoplectic threats
I kept my temper
Don't lose your shit