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mariem_1 ([info]mariem_1) wrote in [info]fandom_wank,
@ 2009-01-20 19:12:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:bnf, fan rage, fandom: twilight

Leave the Goddess of Unicorn Orgasms Alone!
AngstGoddess003 is the author of the very popular Twilight fanfic Wide Awake - all-human AU, where Edward and Bella are so traumatized that they can't sleep and where "unicorn" is a euphemism for "orgasm". Not all people are impressed by this fic, though. There is even a hate community dedicated to it - boredawake (friends only).

AngstGoddess003 (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1713572/AngstGoddess003) is getting multiple r00d private messages, and decided she'd take it upon herself to air out her dirty laundry in a fake-out Author's Note (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4627414/41/Wide_Awake) in which she does a surprising rendition of Stephenie Meyer's whiny note to the masses, after the leak of Midnight Sun. (http://stepheniemeyer.com/, 8-8-08 post) (C & P from [info]wank_report).

The author's fans are enraged on behalf of their Goddess:


tlp 2009-01-19 . chapter 41
What the fuck is WRONG with people?!?

For fuck's sake, this story is one of the most frequently updated stories that's on my favorites list, and on top of that, the chapters are ALWAYS long as hell and beautifully thought out and written.

My jaw literally DROPPED at the audacity of some of the messages you've gotten. I'm just... I'm speechless. And not in a good way.

PLEASE don't let these fuckheads get to you. I know that's easy for me to say but I really hope you won't take their bullshit to heart.

CookiesForAll 2009-01-19 . chapter 41
I hate to say it but this is a huge turn-off. I'm not a reader with an account so I definitely don't interact with any of the authors I read. While I'm sorry people are harassing you, I feel bad, and I think its wrong I also don't think that a fake-out chapter is the appropriate way to deal with it. Especially for the rest of us. Not to mention I don't agree with airing out PM's sent in private, no matter how obnoxious they are, should be made public for the thousands of readers you have to mock and laugh at while backing you up. Its unnecessary. All it will lead to is a bunch of hate and anger towards people who are probably immature but well meaning twelve year old girls.

Tempermental authors are the worst. This story has been weird since it got "famous." Then the cockblocked smut ala SM took place which was the worst loss of virginity known to man, the C/E crazy ridiculousness guised as "wisdom" of parenting, and I hear you are taking a 2-3 week hiatus only for that not to be true a few days later. If you need the time, take the time.

Yes, you update a lot. I'd send you a cookie if I could. Or, you used to when the story still had the air of freshness and unselfconscious writing it had before it became the "it" thing of the fandom. I wish you the best. This is great work but there is no need for the phenomenon to get bigger than the story which it has in this case. Still, the best story in the fandom. Hands down. I just wish it could go back to the way it used to be with the characters and story taking center stage. Because really, thats all that needs to shine. I'm sure if anyone reads this I'll get some hate as well. Even though this is coming from someone who absolutely adores the story and has been following since about chapter ten religiously.

nottragedi 2009-01-19 . chapter 41
I'm sorry that so many people are entirely brain-dead and smacked ass annoying. I had something similar happen to me with my Underworld story and I wanted to ring necks. Your story is beyond fantastic but I CAN WAIT for the next chapter because I know that you cannot rush good literature. I hope you are not too frustrated.

Wants to strangle idiots for you,
Bella aka not_tragedi

Twilight's-Mystery 2009-01-19 . chapter 41
CookiesForAll - YOU SIR need to go die in a motherf*cking fire.

That's right, here i'll light the pool into flames for you, hand me your shirt and shoes - you won't need it.

Go fuck yourself.

~*~*~*~*
TO AG:

... I apologize for my language but it's people like him that REALLY make me want to set something or somebody on fire...

Please dear, like I said in my PM - write for you, not for us - we just enjoy the fruits of your labour..

My smile is my tears 2009-01-19 . chapter 41
You need to send me their names! I will beat the shit out of them! I think your updates are abseloutly fine! Like you said they're just inconsiderate assholes! At first when I found out it was an A/N I was angry, but then i realized you had an acceptable reason! I thought it was pretty funny (not you being harrassed but the jokes ...well you know what i mean)! I do you hope you update soon though because I love the story! Like I said at the beggining send me the names and I guarentee you they will never bother you again!

Sorry for wasting your time on my ridicously (i think that's spelled wrong) long reveiw, but I'm angry!


And so on.




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[info]ilya
2009-01-20 06:43 pm UTC (link)
Every time I see someone rec Wide Awake as the BESTEST TWILIGHT FANFIC EVAR!!!eleventyone!!! I feel like reporting the bloody fic to ff.net for abuse. I hate it sfm. The whole unicorn thing is so ridiculous...I mean, how hard is it to type out 'orgasm' or to bloody spell Emmett with two Ts???

I bet this AngstGoddess is some virgin who giggles like an uncomfortable Catholic schoolgirl whenever someone says 'penis' or 'vagina'. She strikes me as the type and that'd explain the unicorn thing.

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[info]solle
2009-01-20 06:44 pm UTC (link)
I mentally manifested the entire concept of the female orgasm into a unicorn.

Yes. A unicorn.

A very pretty, white, majestic, non existent mythical creature that everyone talks about, but you never actually see first hand.

That is… unless that hand belongs to a certain Edward Cullen.

It was like nothing I had ever felt before. Well, technically it was nothing I had ever felt before. I wondered if Edward even realized he granted me two pretty white unicorns.

The first time was great beyond all comparison. But then, just as I was coming down, I felt him shudder lightly beneath me and groan huskily into my neck while I had my hand wrapped as far around him as I could through his jeans. Then I felt… it… twitching in my palm while he continued rubbing me shakily and gasping against my skin. And the realization that I was giving Edward a unicorn of his very own made me fall over the edge once more.



HOLY SHIT I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING

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Wait a sec... - [info]caito, 2009-01-21 08:28 am UTC
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Re: Wait a sec... - [info]mad_teacup, 2009-01-21 10:42 am UTC
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THIS CALLS FOR ICONS - [info]felinephoenix, 2009-01-21 03:32 am UTC
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HOLY HELL MY ICON HAS NEVER BEEN MORE RELEVANT - [info]irised, 2009-01-21 10:10 am UTC
Re: HOLY HELL MY ICON HAS NEVER BEEN MORE RELEVANT - [info]tofuknight, 2009-01-21 05:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]eilan, 2009-01-21 10:45 am UTC
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[info]_goblin_
2009-01-20 06:46 pm UTC (link)
I think I love AngstGoddess003 a little bit for that rant. It was a very fine and flaily bit of McFroth-Froth.

Much better than the wibblings of her fans, in fact, even the one who thinks periods only exist to be used in ellipses.

(Reply to this)


[info]tardiscontrol
2009-01-20 06:48 pm UTC (link)
Okay. I understand having anti-communities for bad books/movies/etc. WTF is up with the trend of having anti-communities for singular members of fandom? You'd think these people are Cassie Claire or Tara Gilesbie with the way they carry on wanking.

As for the actual wank report, I had no idea that not liking a fanfic was punishable by death. I should have burned myself at the stake years ago. *cries*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ilya, 2009-01-20 06:51 pm UTC
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(no subject) - [info]urpletastic, 2009-01-22 09:30 am UTC
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[info]deliciouschaos
2009-01-20 06:49 pm UTC (link)
I wish to thank you for this post, as it contains the funneh.

(Reply to this)


[info]mer1973
2009-01-20 06:58 pm UTC (link)
Her orgasam, a unicorn...?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mer1973, 2009-01-20 07:10 pm UTC
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[info]justjenn
2009-01-20 07:07 pm UTC (link)
Oh Twilight fans, you never fail to amuse us!

(Reply to this)


[info]hypno_jango
2009-01-20 07:12 pm UTC (link)
As soon as I saw unicorn and orgasm together, I immediately thought of the Robot Chicken unicorn sketch.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

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... - [info]sheep, 2009-01-20 10:42 pm UTC
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[info]ingrid
2009-01-20 07:51 pm UTC (link)
not a fan 2009-01-20 . chapter 1
You're now on Fandom_wank sweetie. Enjoy your moment in the sun!


Enjoy your life as a moron!

And 8000+ reviews? Remind me of the secret recipe for this again? Unicorns? Sparkles? Pulling on the waahambulance siren every 40 chapers?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]platedlizard, 2009-01-20 08:49 pm UTC
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[info]sarracenia
2009-01-20 07:52 pm UTC (link)
I can see why Twilight fans like that fanfic! It might even be worse than Twilight.

(Reply to this)


[info]kagutaba
2009-01-20 08:09 pm UTC (link)
I didn't think fans could top the crap that is Twilight.

Oh, Twifans, you always prove me wrong. Just when I try to give you some credit, you prove I shouldn't have.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2009-01-21 05:50 pm UTC

[info]fourth_rose
2009-01-20 08:33 pm UTC (link)
In short, shitty story brings out the crazy in its fans.

I don't quite get how this could come as a surprise to anyone who's in the Twilight fandom?

(Reply to this)


[info]mister_terrific
2009-01-20 08:52 pm UTC (link)
My laughter is tempered by the fear that some of these "defenders" are long past their teens...

Mister Terrific
Doesn't Keep Him From Still Laughing His Ass Off, Mind You

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ari_o, 2009-01-20 09:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mister_terrific, 2009-01-20 09:39 pm UTC
... - [info]ari_o, 2009-01-20 09:42 pm UTC

[info]lasultrix
2009-01-20 09:22 pm UTC (link)
I support her rant. If that was the only medium she could use to get through to people, then that's that.

I may not be up to speed on my internet etiquette, but isn't it considered OK to publish snippets of communications once the name is taken off them?

What really amuses me about this wank, though, is the reader who complains about aspects of the fic, says it has "the worst loss of virginity known to man", and still thinks it's hands down the best fic in fandom. HOW BAD MUST THE OTHERS BE?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2009-01-21 02:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tardiscontrol, 2009-01-21 02:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]msilverstar, 2009-01-21 06:35 am UTC

[info]platedlizard
2009-01-20 09:23 pm UTC (link)
She does have a point about people PMing her three days after she updated to bug her for another update. That's really rude. The only time I've ever asked an author about updates is if we're internet-friends (not just on my friendslist) and it's been, oh, half a year or more. And then I ask politely. A fanfiction write doesn't really owe their audience anything IMO other then politeness.

That said, THIS is the Epic Fanfiction of the Twilight fandom? THIS?! HAHAHAHA!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]trinity_destler, 2009-01-21 04:09 am UTC

[info]empy
2009-01-20 09:53 pm UTC (link)
When I see all the juicy, batshitty Twilight wank, I feel a bit sad, because when I tried to read the books (because I'd read so many wanks about the fandom, yes hi I am weak and curious), I gave up after 37 pages. I couldn't go on, because I was bored stiff and loathed Bella (jesus, grow UP, you whingy girl), and after every second page I was overcome by a tidal wave of contact embarrassment. :( And I say this as someone who once upon a long long time ago used to be a fan of the Vampire Chronicles. (I've since recovered.) I just can't force myself to even skim the books in order to get more out of the wanks.

And yet part of me is relieved that I not involved at all in this mass of crazy.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]lakme, 2009-01-21 02:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]trinity_destler, 2009-01-21 04:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2009-01-21 09:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sneer, 2009-01-21 07:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]perletwo, 2009-01-21 09:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tardiscontrol, 2009-01-21 02:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - tree, 2009-01-23 10:51 am UTC

[info]anonyrat
2009-01-20 10:18 pm UTC (link)
Maybe my fandoms are weird in this regard, but when people in them write fanfiction, they usually have SOMETHING to do with the original.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2009-01-21 02:40 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kelp, 2009-01-21 02:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]volandum, 2009-01-24 09:02 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]eiviiaru, 2009-01-24 02:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]anonyrat, 2009-01-24 03:13 am UTC
More excerpts
[info]mariem_1
2009-01-20 10:33 pm UTC (link)
First:

I held the bag in my hand and fucking frowned at it, running my fingers through my hair and glancing at my girl dismally as she stood by my bedside table.

I mean, it was her first orgasm. Pretty significant shit. After our day in the meadow, I had mentally prepared myself for all kinds of cookie names. I was so fucking creative too.

Oatmeal Orgasms, Explosive Cream Puffs, Euphoric Pecan Palms, Satisfaction Sugar Cookies, Peanut Butter Change of Panties.

Of course, as my smugness grew, the names did too, and the recipes began sounding horrifically disgusting.

Double Raspberry Walnut My Boyfriend Is So Fucking Skilled That He Got Me Off Through My Jeans With One Hand Cherry Chocolate Chip Delights.

Nope. None of those things. Goddamned Macadamia Unicorns. And they weren’t even shaped like unicorns.

Yeah. Total pride fuck.


Second:

Her palm was still wrapped around the base, squeezing firmly as her ass rested on my tense legs and she set her pace. Fucking excruciatingly divine as her lips slid and she used the most gentle of suction. Like it was a goddamn science or some shit.

She set a steady rhythm with my hissing gusts and occasional whimpers and grunts as I grasped the blanket tightly and pushed my arm into my eyes. My toes began curling and I just fucking knew this wouldn’t take long as my head began thrashing again.

I was right as her rhythm became faster, and she continued moaning around my erection with my every whimper and guttural grunt. My hand released the blanket as my side as I lifted it up, trembling as it found the top of her head bobbing up and down, and tangled into her hair. I justified I was only doing it for when I came, so I could let her know.

But the feel of her shiny fucking curls as I grunted huskily through my clenched teeth just increased the mental image of the whole thing when my erection hit the back of her throat once again. And I could feel it coming, building inside of me and working up to one fucking glorious unicorn as my shaking hand found her ear through her hair and tugged it gently.

But she wouldn’t fucking stop her lips as they slid up my length, tonguing my tip once more and making me groan loudly before she plunged it back into her mouth.

My head thrashed more. “Off.” I grunted breathlessly though my teeth, tugging her once again as my toes curled in further and my eyebrows furrowed in concentration against the feeling until it was safe to… arm the photon torpedoes and fire at will.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: More excerpts - [info]greenconverses, 2009-01-20 10:43 pm UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]anonyrat, 2009-01-20 10:58 pm UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]mariem_1, 2009-01-20 11:10 pm UTC
... - [info]varethane, 2009-01-21 06:18 am UTC
Science. - [info]platedlizard, 2009-01-21 01:30 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]salamandersam, 2009-01-20 11:19 pm UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]feenix, 2009-01-20 11:33 pm UTC
... - [info]dez_chan, 2009-01-21 06:40 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]vzg, 2009-01-21 02:43 am UTC
... - [info]dreiser, 2009-01-22 06:53 am UTC
... - (Anonymous), 2009-04-21 05:12 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]luzzleanne, 2009-01-21 04:10 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]eilisliana, 2009-01-21 12:15 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]ari_o, 2009-01-21 12:18 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]deludedvision, 2009-01-21 01:17 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]cleolinda, 2009-01-21 01:56 am UTC
... - [info]bacon_lover, 2009-01-21 02:26 am UTC
... - [info]cleolinda, 2009-01-21 02:42 am UTC
... - [info]anonyrat, 2009-01-21 07:49 pm UTC
... - [info]dives, 2009-01-24 12:29 am UTC
... - [info]lakme, 2009-01-21 02:45 am UTC
Edward is head banger? - [info]ari_o, 2009-01-21 12:19 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2009-01-21 12:22 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]churri, 2009-01-21 12:44 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]lakme, 2009-01-21 02:46 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]dez_chan, 2009-01-21 06:42 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]insanityprelude, 2009-01-21 01:15 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]damisi, 2009-01-21 01:58 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]seca, 2009-01-21 03:17 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]miera_c, 2009-01-22 12:27 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]vzg, 2009-01-21 02:44 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]lissbet, 2009-01-21 05:47 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]mad_teacup, 2009-01-21 10:46 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - (Anonymous), 2009-04-20 08:04 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]bienegold, 2009-01-21 07:17 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]aerobot, 2009-01-21 08:30 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]chibikaijuu, 2009-01-21 09:19 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]dawnswalker, 2009-01-21 10:58 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]dragonsong12, 2009-01-21 06:24 pm UTC
... - [info]dawnswalker, 2009-01-21 11:54 pm UTC
... - [info]tomato_ja_nai, 2009-01-24 03:08 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]sablemouse, 2009-01-21 01:16 pm UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]pipssister, 2009-01-21 05:31 pm UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]tofuknight, 2009-01-21 05:55 pm UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]moonjaguar, 2009-01-21 10:23 pm UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]pfeffermuse, 2009-01-23 05:58 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]mercorir, 2009-01-23 12:00 pm UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]insanitys_place, 2009-01-24 03:17 am UTC
Re: More excerpts - [info]gabzillaz, 2009-01-29 05:04 am UTC

[info]calatha
2009-01-20 10:34 pm UTC (link)
Oh great, I'm going to have to go read this fic now. Mommy, I'm frightened. D:

(Reply to this)


[info]urpletastic
2009-01-20 10:41 pm UTC (link)
Sorry for wasting your time on my ridicously (i think that's spelled wrong) long reveiw

The spolling. It burnes.

(Reply to this)


[info]mister_terrific
2009-01-20 10:51 pm UTC (link)
So at the height of passion, does Bella scream "OH GOD! OH GOD! I'M UNICORNING! I'M UNICORNING!"?

Mister Terrific
Inquiring Minds Don't Really Want To Know

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]paladin, 2009-01-20 11:15 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]_goblin_, 2009-01-21 02:55 am UTC
... - [info]mad_teacup, 2009-01-21 10:47 am UTC
... - [info]_goblin_, 2009-01-21 03:23 pm UTC
... - [info]mister_terrific, 2009-01-21 05:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ari_o, 2009-01-21 12:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2009-01-21 12:22 am UTC
... - [info]ari_o, 2009-01-21 12:26 am UTC

[info]feenix
2009-01-20 11:03 pm UTC (link)
...Good God. And I thought that nothing could beat the original in terms of bad.

This may be on the verge of Touched by Venom levels of epic badness.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]makeshyft, 2009-01-21 02:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]feenix, 2009-01-22 12:16 am UTC

[info]voynich
2009-01-20 11:31 pm UTC (link)
Unicorns/purity/Bella/handjobs....it does not compute and that's probably for the best.

(Reply to this)


[info]panthea
2009-01-20 11:43 pm UTC (link)
this story is one of the most frequently updated stories that's on my favorites list, and on top of that, the chapters are ALWAYS long as hell and beautifully thought out and written.

So I'm loving that the two main compliments here, in the sense of being mentioned first, are that the story is frequently updated and the chapters are long as hell.

Quality = writing a lot! And frequently! Good to know!

(Reply to this)


[info]dubious
2009-01-20 11:52 pm UTC (link)
Why. Why is there a mental image of both Edward and Bella being impaled through their genitals by the unicorn horn in my head?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ari_o, 2009-01-21 12:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]spawn_of_kong, 2009-01-21 02:20 am UTC
... - [info]ari_o, 2009-01-21 03:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sisterelwood, 2009-01-21 04:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]moonjaguar, 2009-01-21 05:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]silrana, 2009-01-21 01:51 pm UTC



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