How to Wank Like Lady Syb Uh, Lordy Syb-Basuko, Who Is a Completely Fictional Character I Just Made Up

And I drew a picture of him:

That means he's copyrighted, so there.
Step One:
Write a "tribute sequel" to a popular young adult fantasy series, featuring an ending you wish the creator had written, i.e. one that conforms to your ship. Try to pick a title that elicits laughter from those more sane than you - a truly good one would be vaguely racist and put people in mind of vegetables.

For greater effect, your "publisher" should not be a publisher at all, but a completely different kind of company that you run yourself. Like maybe a paranormal investigations media company, whose videos you post to your own Youtube account. Lordy Syb-Basuko would surely approve.

Step Two:
Completely misconstrue copyright law. As my friend Lordy Syb-Basuko would have said:

The characters in [redacted]'s novels were not copyrighted because she never drew them or hired an artist to draw them. Today she shares her character copyrights with [redacted]. And, no, Lordy Syb-Basuko does not have direct permission from [redacted] to publish this sequel, which is why the article says that it is a "Tribute" or "Unauthorized" Sequel.

In case someone questions you (and you know someone will), have a Publaw link at hand with which to defend yourself. Ignore evidence that you're wrong.

Step Three:
Start selling your magnus opus online, perhaps through a well-known auction site. (Bonus points for making enough identical listings to drive any wank chronicler crazy.) You should definitely do all this months before you intend to make your product available, even if it violates that auction site's pre-sale policies. Lordy Syb-Basuko cares little for such petty things!

Step Four:
Read the preface of your masterpiece out loud, and share it with Youtube. Lordy Syb-Basuko especially likes sharing lengthy passages in which nothing happens!

Step Five:
Put out casting calls for someone to play the main character in your tribute sequel - which is what I need to do next. If you know a guy who has a mustache and a head shaped like a whale, I'd like for him to depict in the Lordy Syb-Basuko in a graphic novel I'm planning. If you need my contact info, just do a whois search on my personal website, 'kay?

Step Six:
Put out a press release to advertise your tribute sequel! That's at least one step farther than Lori Jareo ever went, after all.

If you're lucky, people are already starting to talk about it!

Step Seven:
Tussle with mods on a popular fandom site. After all, "all comments, positive or netgative, are welcome," as Lordy Syb-Basuko would say, and "the massive amount of non-transformative Twilight fanfics out there are also in violation of copyright laws, especially considering that webmasters are making money off the ads." So you can tell any naysayers to suck it.

Step Eight:
You might want to put out another press release. As Lordy Syb-Basuko might say in this case,

[Redacted] has just as many haters as it does fans. The novel hasn't even hit bookstores yet and it's already the talk of the town, ahem, web. Read on to find out factual information about copyrights.

Then he'd educate everyone about how

When fictional characters become such an intricate part of the popular psyche... legal boundaries become blurred, and copyright laws become increasingly difficult to define. This is especially the case when actual cities... are used as the novel's settings. Such settings are not copyrightable, as they are considered public domain. Similarly, [an entire group, along with its culture] is also not copyrightable, and neither are [boobies] or [boobie] legends. Copyright laws protect writers from unauthorized reproductions of their work, but such reproductions only include verbatim copying. Characters are only copyrightable if their creator draws them or hires an artist to draw them. [The original author] borrowed a great deal from previous works dealing with these mythologies.

Step Nine:
If you're still getting backlash, try putting out another press release. Lordy Syb-Basuko thinks the best way to handle negative attention is to court more!

Is it possible for a fanfic to create such a worldwide scandal in less than a week? Perhaps it has something to do with the hordes of enraged teens working overtime and for free to witness a lawsuit that may never take place..

Perhaps you might poll internet users as to whether you should go ahead with your plans to publish. Decision-making is best left to public opinion, after all!

Step Ten:
Keep yo-yoing with the sales of your tribute sequel. Keep people on their toes!

Ignore anyone who says that you've maybe got the attention of the actual copyright owners, unless they also say that the original creator is extremely flattered by your tribute, wishes they wrote the ending your way, and wants to be BFFs.

Step Eleven:
Make sure you make snarky comments to trashtalking bloggers. That'll show 'em!

Pretend your detractors are actually working for you:

After the crepuscular period, the sun comes between the earth and the moon when the moon can't be seen anyway. Then a smashing morn threatens to make physics work right again. But, after the sun leaves the dawn behind to rise to its zenith, wordy words word wordy words. Lordy Syb-Basuko is thriving, and all he had to do was drama-llama a bit. Where are the C&D's and the lawyers?

Lordy Syb-Basuko and his imaginary friends are delighted to see how well established the promotion machine is by now. We don't have to move a finger, and the mob of "killer whales" is really lining up to be meanies. Does life imitate art or what? Fortunately, though, we send love to all the civilized people out there who know better than to judge a book by its cover . . . oops . . . author.

Try to spam franchise fans if you can, to spread the word!

(Quick Aside)
Stealing art is bad, and I would never do it. So if a couple of Japanese schoolgirls tell you that I did not create Lordy Syb-Basuko, and that his name is actually just Basuko and they actually made him to be the mascot of their "whale gang," tell them to STFU. I paid them good hush money M&Ms to use his image and "whale gang" sounds dumb anyway.

Step Twelve:
If you've got any listings left for your novel on that auction site, yank 'em. Even if you defiantly declared (as Lordy Syb-Basuko might have) that:

[Redacted] is a Tribute Sequel to [redacted]'s [redacted]. It is a tribute sequel, which means that the author is NOT [redacted]. Lordy Syb-Basuko's intention is to honor [redacted], to pay tribute to [appropriate gendered pronoun as indirect object]. The only reason this novel is being sold for money is to cover publishing costs. However, buyers BEWARE. There is a massive hate campaign going on against this novel all over the web. You must do research about this campaign before you decide to buy this novel. Get informed. Do not buy this book, unless you are absolutely positive that you want it. There is a chance that we might get sued, censored and silenced. We may only be able to auction a few more pre-orders before we get shut down. Do not bid on this book before doing the research. Please do a google search for "Lordy Syb-Basuko" to find out what is being said before you bid. If you are in disagreement with us selling this book, do not bid on it. These are [redacted]'s characters and this is a fanfic of the [redacted] Saga.

Oh, what the hell, yank your seller blog too. Anyone who's keeping tabs on your theatrics will get whiplash this way. It's a shame that you'll lose your positive feedback, though.

Step Thirteen:
Censor and ban your own promotional site! Lordy Syb-Basuko assures that no one will see this coming.

Step Fourteen:
Email the person you hold responsible for the "massive hate campaign" against you. Lordy Syb-Basuko likes to be equal parts vague and passive-aggressive when doing this. Back up any threats with information gleaned from whois, Google, or just pull stuff out of your butt. It's effective!

Make sure this person also knows how awesomely snarky you can be when putting down those mouthy bloggers!

You might also want to change your promotional site's pretend-banninated message to a Mary Shelley quote. That's so goth!

And above all, never give up. As Sugitchi would say,