It's a wank of two halves
A minor wank, but with tasty bits of hilarity.

Football (or soccer to everyone on the other side of the Atlantic) is an integral part of British culture. There's few things fans find more enjoyable than spending a Saturday standing in the rain watching your team lose again before going off to the pub for pie and a pint. It's serious business.

Southampton FC (aka the Saints) have been going through some hard times. The club is in desperate need of a buyer, or risks being shut down. They find one, but right before the final whistle it pulls out. Saints fans are distraught:

"OMG!!!!!! that officially says THIS IS IT!!!! Saints is FINISHED!!! I cant believe it! no one is buying saints its finished!!"

"Here i am led on my couch on my laptop, tears in my eyes knowing that i have seen my beloved saints for the last time..."

"BLUE SQUARE
YOU SAW ME CRYING ALONE
WITHOUT A DREAM IN MY HEART
WITHOUT A CLUB OF MY OWN"


Then, amidst the wailing and gnashing of teeth, someone raises their voice:

"Amazing how quickly the post-count on any Saints story rises. It's only a game, peoples"


Furious keyboard mashing follows:

"WHO the hell are you tosay this is just a game! Just a game! this is people lively hoods! People passion! Just a game! This was what I was bought up to! I watched when I was a kid, watched with my family, my friends! wore there colours (WITH PRIDE - AND STILL WILL) JUST A GAME! Your telling me you have no passion! I don't want people like you writig on here! Go get a life! Useless!!!"

"Agreed. Anonymous you are a total t##t. Get back to world of warcraft and your 'online friends'. Football clubs are a cornerstone of the community and mean alot to people, the death of SFC is inconceivable."


Oh dear. The original poster senses an opportunity, and goes for it:

"Lol yeh, everyone who isn't you on teh interwebs is a WoW-playing teenager. Football clubs aren't the cornerstone of anything, let alone communities. SFC is dying, get used to it rofl"


Wait, that sounds like...ANONYMOUS! It's a small internet. But, like some kind of bizarre mating call, another anon is attracted and joins in with their voice of support. The original anon disappears, leaving the second one full reign.

All us internet-savvy people out there have probably noticed at this point that anon is blatantly trolling. The rest of the commenters however are clueless, rising to the bait over and over. People even become concerned about starving children in Africa. Then again:

"I wasn't thinking of the starving Africans.. I was thinking about all the retarded posters on this webshite"


True Saints Fan however has twigged what's going on and shows their support for anon:

"I can just picture all the angry fans posting on here. All red in the face swearing at the monitor.. I could always pick you out in the crowd at St. Mary's. Always hurling abuse and swearing at the players and coaching staff -thinking you knew best -without any regard for the little kids sat just infront of you .. It's a sad reflection on you and society how angry and upset you're all getting at something so trivial.... I am a Saints fan but I'm also a rational human being unlike the majority on here. Saints will be bought eventually and very soon I'm sure.. In the mean time let's all just calm down and spare a thought for all those less fortunates in the world."


Luckily there's an expert on the internet in the comments!

"Don't worry about "him" "he's" a troll. Only trolls use the phrases "interwebs" ad "lulz""


During all this, the fans continue to describe just how gutted they are and start fighting over whose fault this whole mess is. The manager, the buyers, the rival team Portsmouth or each other. Well, the fans who aren't as hardcore as themselves. The wank rumbles back and forth for a while. Then True Saints Fan comes out with an absolute blinder:

"This is a fantastic psychological experiment.. Thank you all for taking part."


Anon and TSF giggle and high-five each other as everyone else misses the point and calls them crap psychologists. There's an amusing misunderstanding of what NO U means, but after TSF's shark jumping the wank gradually fizzles out.

I think what makes the whole thing amusing is that the comments are clearly being trolled, but nobody save TSF notices and so take it at face value. That and the sheer vitriol being hurled at anybody they think is to blame for SFC's troubles. Oh wank, you do show up in the strangest places.