Butthurt Makes the Baby Jackson Cry
This is a story of capslock-rage, sparkly-penis font, and the healing power of Michael Jackson. Thanks to this mousie on wank_report for the tip.

Shamone_MJ is community created for fans of Michael Jackson who supported each other in the aftermath of his sudden death. What a gentle, benevolent place--surely no one would disturb its peace? But wait!

BEEP BOOP RIBBY RIBBY

WHY HAVE YOU BANNED
cherisheddesire
sunredskyblue
anais_molko
bombfrostings
yaburnt
mirrormirror1
baby_bytes
ihaveapc
kaeleer
giadaa
thebloomroom
cab
strawberrymaj
spattergroit
glassbetween
treradical
annemarie272727
ich_liebe_emily
zdisneygirl1990
diapergenie
karahaha
stam_bag
????

The above post turns out to be the opening salvo in an 11-page comment war for great justice--but who is fighting this war, exactly? Sock puppets. They're banned, they're back, and they're mad.

For example:

ab3rcr0m1e: STFU WHAT'S PATHETIC IS THE MODS BANNING US FOR NO FUCKING REASON UGH

And also:

x_neverbroken: SHAMONE MODS ARE SHADY, AND THEY'RE BANNING ONTD PEOPLE FOR NO REASON, AND THEY'RE TRYING TO KEEP IT IN THE CLOSET

Now, we all know frothy-mouthed rage is just good clean fun, but the comm members don't know what the hell is going on. Slowly the story begins to emerge--along with terrifying demonstrations of the socks' ability to type <font size=10> and then hit the capslock key.

Wherein the socks demand a mod step forth: (1/2-inch font, Pocohontas background)

A MOD IS FUCKING ON RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE THE LAST POST GOT DELETED, AND ONE OF US JUST GOT BANNED NOT TOO LONG AGO

Wherein the socks cry foul: (1/2-inch flashing font, penises background)

WHY WHY, TELL EM THAT IT'S SHADY NATURE, WHY WHY DO THEY DO US THAT WAY

And fouler:

THE POINT IS STOP BEING FUCKING SHADY AND BE UPFRONT.
TELL US YOU BANNED US FOR BEING CUNTS.
THAT'S ALL WE WANNA HEAR.
AND LET THE PPL WHO DID NOTHING BACK IN.

Wherein the socks fail to notice there appear to be no mods around...
(pretty good wanking in this thread, btw)

GOD SOME OF YOU SHAMONERS ARE SO FUCKING DUMB
SOME OF US WERE BANNED FOR NO FUCKING REASON. I LIKE THIS COMMUNITY AND I GOT BANNED BECAUSE I AM A MEMBER OF BLAMEITON_ONTD. SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT SHIT. YOU BITCHED ABOUR ~ELITE~ GROUPS AND YOU'RE DOING THE SAME DAMN THING U DUMBFUCK HYPOCRITES.

...and the comm members desperately try to tip them off to that fact:

pp2006: SHAMONE, FESS UP YOU LEOTHONG-HATING, OBLIG PIC BURNING IDIOTS
TELL US WHY WE WERE BANNED AND WE'LL LET YOU BE

callme_boots: WE DON'T KNOW.

Wait, I promised you their story would come out, didn't I? Let me summarize, because it doesn't come out in a linear fashion.

1) Apparently, back in the misty mists of time, a member of Shamone_MJ insulted the members of BlameItOn_ONTD (a members-locked comm that apparently has a lot of party posts about Michael Jackson.)

2) Hurt feelings developed, and BlameItOn_ONTD staged an invasion of Shamone_MJ. Apparently it involved nude pictures of LaToya Jackson.

3) Things settled again. Everyone was happy, right?

4) Members of Shamone_MJ who were also members of BlameItOn_ONTD began copy-and-pasting or screencapping members-locked posts on Shamone_MJ. They then posted the 'caps on BlameItOn_ONTD and mocked the contents.

5) But why should skullduggery only work in one direction? Someone screencaped their fun and sent it to peacewillfollow, one of the mods of Shamone_MJ.

6) peacewillfollow banned the members of Shamone_MJ who were involved in the mocking posts. Then, to protect her source's identity, peacewillfollow instructed her co-mods to not reply to any emails coming from the banned former members.

7) The banned members created sock accounts and sallied forth.

Back to the fun.

Wherein x_neverbroken accuses mysterygal_re of stalkeriness:

BACK THE FUCK UP, HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT, I DIDN'T MENTION THAT HERE IN SHAMONE.
GET OFF MY DIQ, CREEP

Wherein the witchhunt for the "rat" begins:

leothongainturs: (1.5-inch font) SO WHO'S THE RAT? COME ON. FESS UP BITCH.

x_neverbroken: MYSTERYGAL

And continues:

loch_lomond: (1/2-inch font) SRSLY WHO IS THE RAT, THIS IS RIDICULOUS! YOU ARE THE REASON FOR ALL THIS, ASSHOLE.

And continues:

leothongainturs: STOP BEING A PUNK ASS BITCH AND SAY WHO YOU ARE.
WE KNOW YOU'RE LURKING THERE RIGHT NOW

And continues:

x_neverbroken: (1/2-inch font) THE RAT IS FUCKING MYSTERYGAL, I'M TELLING YOU. YOU SHOULD NOT KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME.

loch_lomond: WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT A STUPID BITCH

sans_weave: WOWW. I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO REPEAT SOMETHING YOU SAID ON BLAMEIT.

mysterygal_re: just so you know, i'm not even a part of that blame it comm. and i'm sure a lot of other people know what i know.

And continues:

leothongainturs: BITCH WE KNOW ITS YOU

badworshipper: LOL AND WHO AM I? NOT IN BLAMEIT THATS FOR SURE.

Some people try to calm things down:

sparkling_lily: This community is about Michael, one of the most important thing he teached us was respect for the others. Where is respect here? Do you really think writing with a bigger font will make your argument better? Do you think insulting people will make things better and that people will be unbanned? Really?

And some people troll:

badworshipper: LMAO @ YOU GUISE LOSING YOUR SHIT OVER A "SPY".

leothongainturs: MORE LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

wontsuckitself: STFU

x_neverbroken: YOU WOULDN'T BE CREEPED OUT IF SOME BITCH WAS MEMORIZING EVERYTHING YOU SAY? GTFO

traci, who is not one of the socks, proposes voting in new mods:

OKAY THIS ISN'T REALLY MY PLACE TO SAY BECAUSE THIS ISN'T MY COMMUNITY NOR AM I A MODERATOR BUT I THINK IT'S PRETTY CLEAR TO PEOPLE FROM BOTH SHAMONE AND BLAMEIT THAT THE CURRENT MODERATORS HERE ARE JUST NOT CUTTING IT. OTHERWISE ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED.

SO, IF MARY AGREES, WHAT WOULD YOU GUYS SAY TO NEW MODERATORS BEING CHOSEN THAT MEMBERS OF THE COMMUNITY VOTE FOR SO THAT THEY'D BE PEOPLE THE MEMBERS KNOW THEY CAN TRUST AND WOULD BE ABLE TO GET IN CONTACT WITH WHEN NEEDED.

Y/N?

And the socks rejoice at this suggestion:

kerplunkburnout: (1-inch flashing font, wheelchair background) COUP D'éTAT

msofarc: COOTIE TAW?

dontstopnaw: DID YOU TRY SAYING COUP D'ETAT?

kerplunkburnout: yeah the html fucked up NOT MY FAULT NOT MY FAULT

Everyone else is getting silly and sleep-deprived, but mindswim appears on the scene full of vim:

mindswim: (1/2-inch font with sparkles) THIS SHIT MAKES ME TWICE AS ANGRY BECAUSE I'M STILL FUCKING DRUNK FROM LAST NIGHT AND HUNG OVER AND SHIT.

loch_lomond: lol that sucks that you barfed [sparkles], i did that once, it was not pretty

What makes mindswim special? Because unlike other people, who post their drunken rants while drunk, s/he posts them later, when s/he's sober. For the lulz, presumably. Example one:

I SEE THAT SHAMONE CAN'T HANDLE PEOPLE BEIGN CUTE OR FUNNY OR SARCATIC OR SHIT. FUCK THEIR ONVERLY SENSATIVE FACES> O I C. I SAID SOMETHING AGAINST THEIR GROUp. THAT MEANS THEY NEED TO PIUT ME IN A CONCENTRATION CAMP.

IS IT ABGECAUSE I AM JEWISH SHAMONE? YOU FUCKING NOAZIS.

Example two:

I SEE WEL LIVE IN A COMMUNIST TOTOLITARIAN SOCIETZY WHERE PEOPLE ATCH ME POST SHIT THAT IS NOT ON SHAMONE AND DOESN'T BOTHER SHIT ANd THEN PROSOCUTES ME FOR SHIT THAT DOESN'T RWALLY MATTER.

FUCK YOU. I"M FDRUNK AND PISSESD AND MY MCDRONALDS IS ALL GONE NOW> FUCK YU SHAMONE FOR ALEVERYTHING> ARKLJAKR FUCK. I AM ANGRY>

I NEED ICE CRAEAM

Did I mention people are starting to get silly?

dontstopnaw: (1/2-inch font) HEAL THIS COMMUNITY
MAKE IT A BETTER PLACE
FOR YOU AND FOR ME AND THE REST OF THE MJ STANS

x_neverbroken: (1/2-inch font) THERE ARE BITCHES BANNING
IF YOU CARE ENOUGH FOR THE MEMBERS
MAKE A BETTER COMM FOR U AND FOR ME

Finally, things wind down and abused_by_you suggests an amnesty for the socks:

IF THE MODS ARE WILLING AND THE PPL WHO WERE BANNED (ME BEING ONE OF THEM) OF CONSIDERING A ~PEACE TREATY~ UNBAN ALL OF US THAT WERE BANNED, FESSED UP AND TOLD US WHO THE RAT WAS AND ADMIT THAT THEY WERE JUST AS GUILTY AS SOME OF US, APOLOGIZED, GAVE EACH AND EVERYONE WHO WAS BANNED A REASON TO WHY....I WOULD BE HERE AND ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED AFTERWARDS.

---

But wait! You think we're done? Holy shit, no. Shamone_MJ has five more posts about this. Don't worry, I'll get you through those a bit quicker.

Wherein peacewillfollow finally shows up to explain:

I always seem to go to sleep at the wrong moment in time.

Reactions to her explanation vary:

kerplunkburnout: So you have your own little spy? Nice.

callme_boots: But really guys...so do you.

kerplunkburnout is still cranky:

kerplunkburnout: This is so fucking hypocritical.

enagwolo: She's not posting the blameit posts on here, is she?

kerplunkburnout: THE POSTS WERE LOCKED. SAME FUCKING THING.

abused_by_you is still cranky:

abused_by_you: OH AND LET'S NOT FORGET THAT THE FIRST TIME YOU BANNED PPL IT WAS FOR POSTING THESE MACROS
(reposts macros)

peacewillfollow: Those macros were not the reason why I banned people the first time around.

leothongainturs is still cranky:

ALSO I THINK WE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW WHO THE RAT IN OUR COMMUNITY IS.
BUT ~PROTECT~ YOUR SOURCE. GO AHEAD.

And flowerings is cranky about something else entirely:

I understand why everyone is pissed, but the big text and sparkles are crashing my iPhone.

Oh, hell; even I'm getting tired of this by now. The short version of what follows next is: Everyone finds their gentle, soft-spoken and benevolent inner-Michael-Jackson again!

peacewillfollow asks how to make everything better.

itwasherdoom suggest unbanning everyone.

peacewillfollow unbans everyone in exchange for peace.

peacewillfollow considers stepping down but the comm members convince her not to.

And Michael Jackson smiled.