Entry tags:

actors, conspiracy theories, crazy people, fandom: supernatural, far too complicated, gay, oh christ here we go again, outraged mice, person: jensen ackles, rps, slash is the specialest snowflake, the gay is canon, what is wrong with you people?

Supernatural Fandom: THE AWFUL TRUTH...Is You're Deluding Yourself
Thanks to a mousie on wank_report for this tip!

Even though they might be the same asshat!mousie who has linked the wankers to the wank_report already. This has happened before, so I suspect we have a repeat-offender moron!mouse on the loose.

(Update: reporter!mousie says no; the fink ain't hir. Many apologies to our intrepid reporter!mouse for the libel.)

Also, before we start, I humbly dedicate the following post to the presumably-different and very amusing outraged!mousie who continues to snipe in any and all posts on wank_report that feature

spn_gossip. Everyone loves a bonus wank!

This wank involves a nice long thread on

spn_gossip, but before we can get to that, you're going to need some definitions and facts:

Who the hell is Danneel?
The show Supernatural features two handsome lead actors named Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki. "J2" fans believe Jensen and Jared are lovers. This is with little proof beyond imagined eye-sex and clothing shout-outs, and in spite of both men having hot girlfriends. Jensen's girlfriend is Danneel Harris.

Who the hell is Ted?
Ted Casablanca writes a blog called "The Awful Truth". He dishes Hollywood gossip, often in the form of blind items.

What the hell is a BB?
This is short for "Bitch-Back!", which is the name of Ted's question-and-answer style blog posts.

What the hell is JJO?
On Feb 20, Ted dishes on a closeted gay actor in Hollywood who supposedly has a "beard" (fake girlfriend) and an ex-boyfriend who he is still hitting up for sex. Ted knicknames this fellow "Judas Jack-Off", which is shortened to both J.J. and JJO in later posts.

What the hell is DDD?
On Apr 10, Ted mentions J.J. again. He also mentions another closeted gay man called "Toothy Tile" who apparently also has a beard-girlfriend as well as a boyfriend, the latter of which Ted dubs "Grey Goose".

On Apr 15th, a Supernatural Tinhat asks Ted to confirm their dearest J2 dreams, and Ted shoots them down.

Dear Ted:
You really know how to create a riot on certain sites with your cryptic Toothy comments. Here is my guess: Are Toothy Tile and Grey Goose Supernatural boys Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles?
—Paula

Dear Decoder:
You've got the wrong boys, sorry babe. Think slightly less supposedly angelic, but just slightly.

In the very same post, someone fishes for more information on J.J. and basically doesn't get any.

Dear Ted:
Is Judas Jack-Off's main gig outside of Hollywood? And if you are going to continue to tell tales about JJO and his BF, I think the BF needs one of your fabulous nicknames. Also, is said BF in the acting biz?
—Bizzend

Dear Introducing…:
We will be hearing more about Dashed Dingle-Dream quite soon, promise.

Hence, Judas Jack-Off's boyfriend is knicknamed Dashed Dingle-Dream, or DDD for short.

Where the hell is the wank?
On Sept 16, a J2 Tinhat rather disingenuously asks Ted to define what a "beard" is and to say what Ted thinks of Jensen Ackles' and Danneel Harris' relationship: Is ~~it real~~ Jensen having hot, oily man-love with his co-star Jared Padalecki?

Ted responds by defining what a beard is, and what a double-beard is, and then he says precisely nothing about Jensen Ackles.

Later in the same post, someone else speculates about J.J. and DDD, and Ted teases that person.

Dear Ted:
I don't even care about Twilight, and yet I'm obsessed with all of the Robsten drama. What kind of voodoo do you work, anyway? I have a few questions about Dashed Dingle-Dreams. Are Dashed and his beard on the same network by any chance? And just what did JJO do to win him back in the first place? Hope things work out with those two in the future.
—Twice Shy

Dear Too Close for Comfort:
If you're so confident, why don't you just out them already?

And this, finally, leads to a satisfying tale of delusion on

spn_gossip.

The Wank Highlights:

Remember how Ted defined beards, double-beards, and said precisely nothing about Jensen Ackles? Well, clearly that means Danneel is gay. (Note: Jensen being gay is considered an iron-clad fact.)

Remember how Ted teased a certain querier to go ahead and out the couple they were so sure Ted was referring to? Clearly that means Ted was telling the querier they were absolutely correct--and oh, obviously the querier was talking about Jared and Jensen. Never mind the letter was fairly non-specific.

The clanging of Tinhats banging their heads together is briefly overwhelmed by some genuine wank when one Anon says Danneel pings their gaydar because she has short fingernails, and another Anon argues fairly aggressively that gaydar doesn't exist.

And finally, OMG, TED IS ~~ONE OF THE POD PEOPLE~~ A NETWORK STOOGE!! WE'RE BEING PLAYED FOR FOOLS!!!

I love Supernatural. One of these days, I'm going to have to actually sit down and watch the show.

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(Post a new comment)

	sablemouse 2009-09-19 12:40 pm UTC (link)
	What is this I don't even throws hands up in disgust At least outraged!mouse is amusing pets (Reply to this)

	aewgliriel 2009-09-19 12:48 pm UTC (link)
	Can't stand Danneel, but geez, people! I swear, this is reaching Snapewives levels of delusion. (Reply to this)

kijikun
2009-09-19 01:06 pm UTC (link)

I think the boys could have sex with their girlfriends right in front of some of these women and they'd still be screaming that the boys were gay for each other.

Yeah it's fun and all to imagine those two hot actors/actress from your fav show/movie getting it on after the cameras stop rolling, but its not really happening. No matter how many RPS fics you write. Not happening. No all those pictures of them touching does not prove anything. Just like this picture is not proof that Liev and Ryan are having sex.