Get your Satanic wank out of my distro!
Background: Ubuntu is a distribution of Linux. Think of it as a version of Linux like you have Windows XP, Vista, Me, 95, etc. Some people created Ubuntun Christian Edition, which annoyed some members of the Ubuntu community who didn't see why a special religious-based distribution was needed but it was mostly a polite argument. Then, in retaliation, Ubuntu Satanic Edition was created.

Cue wank.

Not from the Christians, though! The wank was all provided by a Satanist called HHS and another Satanist who called himself 'friend of HHS', both of whom popped up in the comments box and kept a running argument going with several different people until he randomly disppeared.

Most of it is under the cut, because it's long and takes place over years, but here are a few highlights to whet your appetite, both from him and people who were arguing with him.

HHS starts off with saying "This is very insulting to my religion. I really don’t think you should misuse the Lord’s name like that.

Richard M. Stallman, who is responsible for GNU and Linux, is a jewish psychopath who does not deserve to come near Hell. We do not want to be associated with him or anything made by this communist who never bathes and eats his own hair."

People get confused and think he's a Christian who's objecting to Linux SE. Cue HHS exploding and warning them "It’s very unclever to go against the Lord and dishonour Him and His people. When you die and meet Satan, just try calling Him “jesus boy” too and you’ll know what I’m talking about. I assume that you two are Jews because they call everyone Christian who aren’t Jews or Muslims."


Knifethrower thinks that he gets the credit for the starting the religious war and JB wants to screw with HHS on purpose but misses the point. He argues that "Likely-hood of Jesus existing == Likely-hood of Luke Skywalker existing" since he apparently didn't get the memo about HHS being a Satanist instead of a Christian.

Bringer of Darkness asks : "How can software be “jewish”? It doesn’t go to temple every saturday. It works on saturday. It doesn’t parade around a star of david. It doesn’t quote the Torah so how is it jewish? Oh wait your rationality is that the person who made it is a jew even thought you have no evidence to support this. If that isn’t paranoia then I don’t know what is."

HHS responds by calling Bringer of Darkness a jew and asking "Why the hell wouldn’t something made by jews be jewish you stupid moron? What else would it be, fucking Australian?"

Foobar, meanwhile, says that "Sorry guys, but Cthulhubuntu will eat you all, he’s the TRUE lord".

Things then degenerate to the point that Bringer of Darkness attempts to call HHS out on the threat to beat him up by offering to show up if he's given an address.

HHS proves he isn't entirely an idiot by refusing to give out his home address. Unfortunately, he does it right after claiming:

"Wikipedia is mostly written by little shithead nerds who don’t know what they’re talking about.

If you want to get your face smashed come to Oslo, Norway. Just tell me when you’ll be at the airport and I’ll come and kill you."

BringerOfDarkness declines because: As for you living in Norway that’s way out of my money budget because I work for the money I have. I live in the States therefore considering you have faith in “father satan/jesus” why don’t you meditate on some money to come here an prove your point. Or will you use the retarted destruction ritual to kill me? Com’on do something other than wine, I dare ya..

And with that, the wank seems to be over. At least, from HHS.

A few people are still unsurprisingly mad at HHS, more for the anti-Semitic notes in his replies than the Satanism, but SatansHelper wants to convert HHS to the true Satanism and The Anti Desecration Taskforce is not offended -- they're an Australian-based Jewish group against the desecration of any religions and they don't find a Satanic Ubuntu offensive!

Garry, the developer of the distribution, has been classy and polite in every comment he's made. The discussion then does the reverse of most flame wars and changes from an entertaining flame war between fools to a deep and interesting theological discussion between people of dissenting opinions. Given that's not FW-material, I'm quitting the quoting of annoyed Satanists. Though trust me, HHS is not the only one. Read through the thread and plenty of Satanists are complaining about how the distro doesn't properly represent the dark side.

Solo funny comments follow:

Xircon:

Excellent, Headless Horseman is vast improvement of Unbunt beige. May I suggest Infernal Incantation as the next edition.

I am a Pastafarian (for I have been touched by his noodley appendage) and as a Pastafarian I believe heaven contains beer volcanoes and a stripper factory. Hell is similar, except that the beer is stale, and the strippers have VD.

But hey, I drink vodka and if your dead the clap is nothing to worry about.

Anyway got to go, the voices are calling me and I am all out of chickens and virgins (but the local Tesco is now 24 hour).

Behold the Flying spaghetti Monster, for he is lord.

Keep up the good (or evil) work Garry, the internet needs more free thinkers like you.

Jeremy de Stabwound:

Hello!!!!

thanx ofr supporting the french underground metal!!!
It really surprised me to see my band on this website while searching for some website on google!!!
Thanks again and again

KEEP SPREADING THE (METAL) DESEASE!!!

STAY RAW STAY TRUE STAY METAL

There's also a random spam from IAMCHRISTIAN (methinks the lady doth protest too much!).

30Mil:

Oh man you guys suck!
I ran the distro backwards and it installed Windows Vista! WTF!

Jon Jermey:

I see that both the Christian and Muslim versions of Ubuntu come with web filtering software to screen out sites containing material unacceptable to devotees of their religions. Does Ubuntu Satanic come with web filters to screen out religious rants, apologetics, pious and devotional material? Seems to me it should…

Judas Iscariot (Yes, that Judas!):

Is it eviler than Microsoft Windows 7th level of Hell, that was released a couple of days ago?

And I would also like to know, is there is an evil project planner and some world domination mapping software for it?

Oh, and if I may suggest a feature for future versions. I would very much like a button on my desktop that takes me straight to fornication, gambling, drugs, alcohol, and all that shit on the internet without the hassle of looking for the really good stuff. Preferably it would say “Get it here! ” Or just a big red button that destroys the entire world would suffice.

Cursing you most cordially,
Judas

There's also a rather weird love thread between harru & Onegawa with luis being a sort of matchmaker. "what is this i don't even" probably describes my feelings there perfectly. More wtf than funny, really, given that it's about the relationship between a Pagan and a Satanist but the fact that they seem to do all their relationship communication on a forum board about a Satanistic distro of Linux...

Finally, the developer creates a forum for everyone to talk about the distro. The actual distro. Not religion or relationship woes.

Moral of the wank? It's hard being a Satanist, yo. Especially if you're dating a Pagan.