Entry tags:

bitter so bitter, crazy people, ding dong the witch is dead, i fought the law and the law boggled, i see stupid people, lying liar that lies, person: turimel, person: victoria bitter, plucky girl detective, stop giving strangers money you idiots, this is the wank that never ends, what the shit is this?

The Not So Triumphant Return of Victoria Bitter, aka thanfiction, part the third
Lost in the comments of the last post, julian_black tells us that idiomagic has spit out the kool-aid.

The evil twin is yesterday's news, people. Now there's an UNDEAD SHAMAN-WIZARD.

Yeah, I'll repeat that: UNDEAD SHAMAN-WIZARD.

I don't even know. Does it top channeling fictional hobbits? You decide.

ETA: HOLD THE PHONE: UNDEAD SHAMAN-WIZARD EMAILS HERE! All personal info redacted, of course. Thanks bacon_lover!

Also, idiomagic would like us to know that She never drank the kool-aid. She was *cue dramatic music* THE MOLE!

I dunno, there's a reason Deep Throat's identity was never revealed...

Reminder: please use male pronouns when referring to VB/thanfiction, and leave the transfail in the other post, thanks.

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	phosfate 2009-12-28 06:37 am UTC (link)
	FUCK YOU IT'S GOT A BAGGIE LINER! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ari_o 2009-12-28 07:07 am UTC (link)
	I HATE YOU! I have popcorn kernels stuck in my sinuses now. :( (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ecchaniz0r 2009-12-28 08:31 am UTC (link)
	Doritos, man. I feel your pain. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ari_o 2009-12-28 08:33 am UTC (link)
	OUCH! MSG must burn. The kernels are just stabby. I think I managed to flush them all out. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ecchaniz0r 2009-12-28 09:47 pm UTC (link)
	IT DOES, MAN D: I mean it's gone now but it DID. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	librarianmouse 2009-12-29 03:50 am UTC (link)
	Candy cane bits. D: (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	tetradecimal 2009-12-29 02:38 pm UTC (link)
	On the other hand, you'll have minty-fresh nostrils for a week! (Reply to this)(Parent)

phosfate
2009-12-28 04:37 pm UTC (link)

Seriously. There are five of us, all over the country, so we decided to divvy her up, so she could get a little travel in. My sister and I went to Hobby Lobby and got cute little fruit-label tins (on clearance - Mom would've liked that). But we kept putting off the actual...division, since, well, Mom chunks. (I also kept picturing the bit in Annie Hall with the big pile of cocaine.) Finally, when we could delay no longer, we spread newspaper on the floor, got out the tins, a couple of scoops, and the box-o-remains.

We opened the box. Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNN.

And found that the mortuary had kindly put her in five separate plastic bags for us.

"Oh, thank Christ!"
"I thought we were gonna have to--"
"INORITE!"
"Oh, thank you Jesus. Hi Mom."
"Hi Mom."
"Poor Mom."
"Yeah. You know, she's in a lot less chunks than Dad was. They've really refined the technique since the Seventies."
"I was just gonna say."
"Really fine grind there."
"Yeah."
We looked at each other. Then we said, simultaneously:
"Oh Mommy you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mommy! Hey Mommy! Oh Mommy you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mommy! Hey Mommy!" etc.

In my defense, Dr Coffman had very kindly comped me a packet of antipsychotics for the week.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	gelasius 2009-12-28 05:29 pm UTC (link)
	Now I want to film you and your siblings and watch it every Christmas. Is that weird? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	phosfate 2009-12-28 05:32 pm UTC (link)
	I honestly don't know anymore. Most of my ability to discern what is and isn't weird died in the Eighties. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	hallidae 2009-12-28 09:25 pm UTC (link)
	Tears of laughter over here, and at the same time I feel horrible about it. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	phosfate 2009-12-28 09:46 pm UTC (link)
	You're a terrible person, and you should feel terrible. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	kumquat_of_doom 2009-12-29 05:53 pm UTC (link)
	I think I kind of love you - and your siblings - for this story. giggling (Reply to this)(Parent)

	mneiai 2009-12-30 03:45 am UTC (link)
	Oh, man, I was really looking forward to an awkward story about trying to evenly separate your Mom and then maybe fights because some people got more Mom than others. (Reply to this)(Parent)

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