The Adventure of the Special Snowflake
It was a frosty morning on the 29th of December when I was surprised to find Holmes already awake and active, pacing back and forth in a show of nervous energy before the hearth in a manner that suggested he had been waiting for me to arise for some time. Upon catching sight of me, he immediately presented me with a single piece of paper, now fraying slightly about the lines upon which it had been carefully folded.

“This letter,” he began impatiently and without a word of greeting, “was posted on the front gate of an authors’ community of fair reknown. It was found this morning. Tell me, Watson, what information can you gather about its writer?”

I took the piece of writing from Holmes’ hand, and read:

I have two matters of business I would like to bring up regarding this community.

1) With the recent windfall of movie-based or inspired fanfiction, we definitely need a new 'fic' or 'fiction' tag. I assume our mod, the esteemed lady folkhore will be able to see to that with minimal trouble. It will be up to us to add the new tag to all upcoming fics as well as go back and re-tag all of our previous posts. All this new ficery must be correctly archived and cataloged for the new generation of fans.

2) I am tired of Newbie posts. With the advent of the new movie, we are going to have a huge influx of new and enthusiastic H/W fans. This is a good thing, having our f-lists spammed up because of it is most certainly not. A lot of the people are also ACD canon-virgins and i would prefer if they kept their ignorance to themselves. I come from the mentality that being a Newbie is a bad thing and that the goal when joining a new community is to inconspicuously assert themselves as if they had been there from the start. Case and point--my own damn self. *wink*

Come on, people. Pull a Holmes. Your disguise is simple: act like a total born and bred H/W shipper and we'll all get along great. No one will have to know of your gargantuan sin and you'll be accepted into the Holmes/Watson09 community, no intro required. If enough people vote/complain, can we get this put down as an official rule on the community profile? Cox and Co has a similar edict and I believe that the rule is not inappropriate for this particular venue either.

Do other members of this comm concede to these two proposals? Yay or nay?

The letter was signed by one “pro_prodigy”.

Upon concluding my perusal of the letter, I exclaimed aloud. “Holmes – what is this commune mentioned here? I can scarcely understand what the devil this fellow is going on about, but he mentions both you and I by name.”

“You recall, no doubt, penning for the general public some purple prose detailing somewhat whimsical recollections of my more interesting cases,” my companion answered a bit dryly. “It seems these recollections have caught at the fancies of a few zealous individuals, would-be novelists of their own right. But never mind! I posed a question to you: what details can you deduce from this writing about the author’s character?”

“Well,” I answered, hedging for a moment, “I have never read anything quite like it. This man proclaims that he is acting as in individual in good faith, yet I cannot imagine how a call to action thus worded would not cause division and strife among the very members of the community to which it is addressed.

“As to the author himself, he is full enough of his own importance, I suppose; the tone of the letter makes that quite clear. And he certainly seems at home proposing rules and regulations. Surely it is not too much of a stretch to say this hand belongs to a bureaucrat of high standing, with the authority to administer such edicts. Or a gentleman of some distinguished house, with his talk of breeding and proper conduct.”

“On the girth of the man’s ego, we are in agreement,” said Holmes, “but I am afraid that is where we part ways. An influential official? No, I envision the author of this letter to be none other than an idler of a weak and careless temperament, little authority, and few friends within the society in question. Also, that he is a university student, most likely eighteen to twenty-two years of age, who resides in a warm clime – specifically, the territory of California.”

“Well, Holmes!” I exclaimed, incredulous. “I expect that with explanation, you will no doubt convince me that you are perfectly right. But I cannot see how you would infer those details from so paltry a clue as this.”

“My dear Watson, there is no man so enamored of rules and regulations than he who has no authority to pronounce them. Indeed, were he possessed of influence or allies, he would not need to propose these changes at all, nor engage in half-hearted attempts to cajole his audience to his point of view – he would simply carry them out, regardless of protest. From his preoccupation with the trappings of manners and breeding, we can further deduce that this is a man who has never been formally inducted into the ranks of polite society.

“Indeed, upon further investigation, I have obtained the names of the commune members who would have the power to put into practice the actions this fellow insists so vehemently upon. It is a lonely list, with but one entry – the “esteemed lady folkhore” referred to in the letter’s contents.

“Now, observe here, and here. The author of this letter takes great pains to frame their argument in the most officious of manners, yet the basic rules of proper writing -- spelling, grammar, capitalization, even use of the correct idiom-- are sometimes wholly neglected. I would doubt, doctor, that a gentleman such as yourself would ever exhort his peers to vote 'yay' or nay.”

“And his occupation and place of residence?” I pressed.

“My dear Watson,” said Holmes, “Given a man’s name and the social circles in which he frequents, would you doubt my ability to track down his location and means of employment – or lack thereof?”

“No,” I said wearily. “I have seen the extent of your investigative resources often enough. I defer once again to the great detective Sherlock Holmes. I assume, then, that this morning shall be devoted to those details of the case that have brought this writing to your attention?”

"Yes, I suppose," my companion answered with a sigh, reclining upon a convenient chair. "And yet I suspect that the particulars of our little tyrant and his would-be fiefdom, once revealed, will be singularly common."

"Wankers," I offered amiably.

"Wankers and special snowflakes," Holmes muttered in reply.


(Thanks to wank_report)
holmeswatson09 is an lj community devoted to Holmes. Its motto? "Welcome to Holmes/Watson '09, a slash fan fiction community dedicated to Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes and its epic bromance!"

Along comes pro_prodigy, who demands a vote on two issues: a new tag for fanfic posts, and that the noobs all stfu and pretend to be proper canon Holmes fans.

futureperfect:
JFC, I have been into a lot of new fandoms in the past six months and not a single one of them has had someone making such a retarded, ridiculous and appalling suggestion.

Just because we're new to your fandom, darling, doesn't necessarily mean that we're new to fandom or the internet. I'm pretty sure most of us know how it works by now and have done this before. Suck it up and enjoy the new people, otherwise you have your own personal journal for grizzles about the stinkin' newbies getting their newness all up in your fandom. ;____;

As for your point number one? I would probably suggest checking out the userinfo for this community, as this community is actually dedicated to the new movie. Which leads me to wonder... perhaps you merely posted this to the wrong community?

sibyllevance:
I can't believe you. What on earth has your second proposal got to do with anything? It's disgusting to me. Either this community is to discuss the 2009 movie or it's to discuss the books, you know full well they are completely different so how could you possibly suggest that people who haven't read the books keep quiet? As if reading the books was required to appreciate the movie completely. They're different. People who have no film studies background whatsoever and nonetheless voice completely astonishing and ignorant opinions the way you do make me sick because you position yourself as the voice of authority simply because you read the books. Well, newsflash: a movie is new work of art in itself and should be treated as such.
Your attitude is pompous and elitist and I'd be sorry to see it become the rule.

stackcats
act like a total born and bred H/W shipper and we'll all get along great
Speak for yourself. I love meeting people who are just discovering new things, and I infinitely prefer their company over those who want to tell others how they should behave when they are not even the community moderator.

igrab:
ALSO, RE: EVERYONE? PLEASE NOTE THE "I would prefer". I would also prefer, but many apparently disagree. That's all right. And no one said anything about not wanting new fans, just 'don't be an idiot wanking about with your ignorance'.

radioactivepiss
Oh, you would 'prefer' it if they kept their ignorance to themselves?

Well I think they'd 'prefer' it if you stopped being condescending and acting like not knowing about a book makes you some sort of bad fan of a film.

naive_wanderer:
Oh, thank god you've accepted newbie fans like myself! I don't know how I could have possibly joined in without your approval!

Just...give me time to acclimate to the sudden growth in population.

Give you time? What's all this talk about you? Who are you? Did you write the books? Did you make the movie? No? Then nobody cares. It's fandom, for goodness' sake. It's not as important as you think it is.

And of course, pro_prodigy returns with an edit:

God, i love a good dispute. My comments were meant to...mildly offend, admittedly. It doesn't mean i'm outcasting or branding the new fans. What i was trying to do was say we're ready to accept you into the bosom of the fandom anyways...there is just an appropriate time and place to do it, somewhere otherwise unobtrusive where non-assholes like me can properly welcome you onto the scene.

And as for being canon-virgins being a sin. *sighs* You have to understand something. I'm thrilled there's an influx of people who are now wonderfully enthusiastic about Sherlock Holmes and that the mythos has found a new and improved avenue that will keep SH alive ever longer and eternal, but...

But a lot of us have been like that from the start. A lot of us have loved Sherlock Holmes before RDJ became his face, before trailers started rolling, before Hollywood promised us so much (and delivered). A lot of us original ACD fans grew up, in some capacity, with Sherlock Holmes. It's sacred and for a long time, it was ours and we reveled in our singularity, in our uncommon knowledge, even if it was a little lonely.

I'm excited you are all here and what you represent. Just...give me time to acclimate to the sudden growth in population. I've been with a rather close-knit sort of fan base for a long time. ;)

Doublepost ETA: pro_prodigy would like you to know that the movie subs were totes inaccurate.

Also, how many times have you watched the movie?

ETA2: Original post deleted by a moderator, alas.