Current mood:	amused
Entry tags:	conspiracy theories, crazy people, fan theories, fandom: true blood, i see stupid people, lost the lulz, lurk moar, mommy make it stop, not you again, oh my god sarky tags noooooooooo!, omgwtf, please mommy make it stop, rape is not funny, wankers who will not shut up, wanking inside the house, what the shit is this?

WTF, Y'ALL??!!!
midnight_charm just can't stop wanking. She apparently figured her convoluted theories were too much for poor LiveJournal to handle, and she moved to a brand new blog.

But first, she left this gem at her journal:

Not questioning everything you are told will make you "susceptible to all forms of thought manipulation".

You've been had, you've been glamoured and false memories were implanted. "The plane arrived we just weren't on it".

Gullible, as scrunchy woman said.

No, things are not usually what they seem. Only children and animals deserve to be taken at face value. Even inanimate objects can be more complicated than appearances would suggest.

Fiction from the twisty mind of Alan Ball is never as simple as it seems.

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

What makes me accuse Truebies of such heinous naïveté?

Well, In order to believe the maenad wedding ritual in the season 2 finale of True Blood

STOP, explanation time!! For the ones who don't watch True Blood, it went like this:

Maryann (maenad) was tricked into believing Dionysus (the greek God of intoxication, drunkenness, and all those divine things) had come to her in the form of a bull. She gave up her immortality so that he could kill her and her soul could join him in eternity. However, it was actually Sam in the shape of a bull, who took the opportunity to gore her, pull out her heart and crush it, killing her.

went down as you were told (you mean, as we saw), you have to believe all of the following:

There are a total of 21 items, so I'll just highlight some:

7- Jason as the god with horns foreshadowing meant nothing

Foreshadowing?? *facepalm* It was a trick!! A stupid, but surprisingly well-thought-out trick. You don't seriously believe Jason could be the God with Horns, do you?

8-Bill knew Sookie could call upon her power touch at will to topple the huge heavy meat tree as a distraction ("Can you do that again?" "I don't know! I don't even know what it was I did!")

Uh... she actually couldn't use her power at will.

12-MA[Maryann]] allowed herself to be fooled by a shape-shifter she knew to be a shape-shifter, and despite the fact she'd been dealing with "two-natured" vessels for centuries

How could she know it was Sam? He isn't the only shape-shifter in the world.

14-MA[Maryann] questioned the existence of her god because she'd been fooled by a shape-shifter, and then allowed herself to be killed by the shifter instead of the god she no longer believed in because that makes sense

O_O wtf does that even mean.

16-Bulls roar like Eric (compare "bull roar" to roar Eric emits after the redneck hit him with silver)

Eric, the God Who Comes all over your face.

21-Sam has at some point imprinted upon a rare white Brahma Bull (no, the show has not mentioned him being able to use a picture of the animal-"as long as I've imprinted on it" I take to mean the actual animal)

Sam is 30-something, right? I can assume that, being a shapeshifter, he has seen plenty of animals in his life.

And then the fascinating conclusion:

That is a lot to swallow.

So you either have to believe-

1-Alan Ball and the other writers are incompetent and have no idea what they are doing. The Academy Award winning screenwriter thinks it's perfectly fine to toss around cheap red-herrings like a drunken soap opera scribe, ignore his own foreshadowing, throw continuity out the window, and make meaningless the mythology he himself laid out.

Okay, so True Blood isn't perfect research-wise, but jeez... take a chill pill.

2-Or--What we saw was the implanted false memory of an as yet unknown character or Bill's wishful fantasy making himself into the hero, which is similar to the unreliable narrator theory I postulated in relation to the bullet sucking scene.

3-OR--Alan Ball sucked out your brain and planted all his own babies in there. The viewers themselves were glamoured or put into a trance state and false memories implanted. Diabolically clever fictional device, that, and bolstered by the non-character specific shot of the wavy yellow trance-eye view of Sookie as she is led down the steps of her house to attend Maryann's wedding.

BRB, LOLING FOREVER.




So, now with the blog. Her latest post dissects season 2 episode "Hard-Hearted Hannah", which features, among other things, Bill's wild past with Lorena (his yandere maker), human Hugo (vamp Isabel's bf) pretending to help Sookie infiltrate the FOTS Church, and Daphne (Maryann's minion) showing her true self to poor Sam.

*Did you notice how well Hugo the Traitor played his part? Almost like a professional thespian. He totally fooled Sookie, going so far as to control his thoughts. If he is one of Bill’s minor alter ego’s then we can surmise this about Bill: He will betray her somehow in the future because she won’t give him what he wants.

Wishful thinking =/= canon.

*Did you notice Sookie downright simpering in that scene with Bill, Hugo, and Isabel? Bill has turned her into a brainless child.

Do you have any idea how love works?

*Steve Newlin: “Oh my God, I didn’t even think of the parallels.” Neither did we Steve but we’re gettin’ it now!

Wth does this have to do with anything.

*Daphne, another of Bill’s alter ego’s, used sex to hush Sams questioning. And did you notice how sweet and supportive she was of him until she viciously turned on him?

So now there's two alter egos. Man, I wanna know how he does it!!

*Sookie: “Yes Yes, a thousand times YES!”. Sookie is suffering from Pride and Prejudice.

wut?

And now for the crowning moment of (unintentional) comedy:

*Eric: “We want the same things, you and I.” Lorena shoots him a look. “Ok, Bill has something I want and he’s in the way”. Did you notice how he changed tactics here? It wasn’t just that he is incapable of lying, he was accomodating Lorena’s worldview and giving her a reasoning for summoning her that she could understand and relate to. He went from magnanimously including her in his plans and turned on a dime to make himself seem as cold-bloodedly ruthless as she is. I think he does that alot. Where Bill’s delusions cause him to make himself seem more noble, Eric endeavors to come off as colder and more ruthless than he is in reality. I’m beginning to think that Eric is, at his core, the person we see in his sweetest alter ego: Hoyt.

Eric is like Hoyt

Eric is like Hoyt

Hoyt

Hoyt

Hoyt

Our very own momma's boy Hoyt Foternberry.

WHAT.

So what have we learned today, kids?

1. Alan Ball mind-rapes people and puts his own twisted soul in them. Hence, we're all Alan Ball's horcruxes.

2. Hugo and Daphne don't have a mind of their own, because they're both Bill with different apperances. Hence, Sam has been in love with Bill all this time.

3. Eric is totally like Hoyt, because he still lives with his mom and is too shy to talk to girls.

4. Seriously, if you watch every episode 800 times you will see the things midnight_charm sees. DUH.

5. midnight_charm is actually Lysette with a different nickname.



BONUS: You also can't miss Bill fans are like rabid Bush or Ann Coulter supporters.

ETA: The crazy takes a whole new level with Sookie is USA and Eric is Jesus (thanks to mariem_1 for the find!)

ETA II: Hey guys, it's me again. This is from the About page of her blog:

While I adore reading and contemplating film theory and criticism I am far from a qualified expert in the field. My admittedly amateur forte is and has been for some time in the area of conspiracy research- sussing out propaganda and official lies with it’s attendant psyops and mind control techniques which are practiced on the unsuspecting population through the corporate controlled medium of television. I QUESTION EVERYTHING I am told and I diligently apply this motto to my analysis of True Blood. My rigorous intuition tells me Alan Ball is well versed in conspiracy lore and is using it to the hilt to tell the story of True Blood.

“The media’s the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent, and that’s power. Because they control the minds of the masses.”
-Malcolm X