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hobosocks (![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} hobosocks) wrote in ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/community.gif){kind=small} fandom_wank,@ 2010-07-13 17:39:00 |
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| Current mood: | OMGWTF |
| Entry tags: | conspiracy theories, crazy people, pseuicide, sports |
"Now he is just as much an iulluninati pawn as his hero lady gaga."
Thank you, wank_report mousie, for this little morsel of sheer, unadulterated crazypants.
In the land of figure skating, all was quiet -- well, okay, all was wanky, but no more than usual. Then, Aunt Joyce (skating's most popular blogger, perpetrator of much unfunnybusiness, and generally awful human being) makes a post about the retirement of popular and controversial figure skater Johnny Weir. The actual post is rather disgustingly homo and transphobic, so we won't really dwell on it. It doesn't have much of anything to do with the impending weirdness that follows.
Now, a good number of Johnny Weir's fans are well known for their special snowflake attitude, so I'm sure you can all see where this is going.
At first, the comments are generally divided between snarking about Johnny's career and outrage over the fact that AJ is basically a huge ass. That is, until this comment, when, to quote directly from the wank_report, "someone claiming to know Johnny's friends (who he calls the Dingles) IRL pipes up, claiming that Johnny is happy now after being in a black hole of despair following the Vancouver Olympics, and even has a new special someone. Of note, he says that Johnny doesn't really hang out with the Hollywood types, but prefers a small circle of personal dingles (aka friends). "
Initial response is a mix of people thanking the commenter for their insight and more wank about Johnny's personal life. Until somebody else who claims to know the Dingles chimes in.
Then it gets downright bizarre.
Conspiracy theories abound! According to wank_report, this second anon "claims they're all just a bunch of backstabbing, crazy people who want to mooch off Johnny and possibly be his girlfriend." There is also some wanking about whether or not Johnny Weir is gay or not, which I hesitate to include in the event that it may be unfunnybusiness material.
However, there is a wonderful tinhat conspiracy embedded within: "The issue with Drew [Johnny's ex-boyfriend of two years] could have been created for public relations for all you know." And why would a person perpetuate such a claim if he wasn't, indeed, gay? Especially if it negatively affected his career in such a way? Our helpful anon obliges us with the answer: "It's a pretense used by some of the dingles on behalf of one of their own so that other ladies/women will not want to date/sleep with/or have sex (dirty love?) with Johnny." Of course, it all makes sense now.
One wonders if one of these people insisting that Johnny Weir is straight is the woman that claimed to be his astral wife in a previous wank.
Anyway, the wanking and conspiracy theories continues in full force:
-"I would just like to say that if this is the level of some assinine fans here then it's no wonder his skating career is over before it has a chance to really take off. And I can't help but get the feeling that this is all being done behind Johnny's back so that Jeremy Abbott can sail ahead with his lofty skating dreams with great ease. And all because Johnny's "in love"? I think Johnny's current "love interest" was created by team tara/nicole/rob/dingles and put in place on purpose at his party to help create a distraction in Johnny's life so that everything with skating would crumble and fall into Jeremy's lap. [Jeremy Abbot, another figure skater] Who stands to benefit most at this time from Johnny's w/d?
Also I have noticed a connection between some posts and such. Nicole is also "reet" and "weirsjohnny" and she is rumored to be the daughter of Tara's sister who was also taking pics at Johnny's party (chubs redhead in green with Tara). If "Nicole" aka "reet" and "weirsjohnny" among god only knows what other demonic names she uses (and I love how she pretends to be so stupid and illiterate when it comes to computers but really she knos whats she's doin fo sho), and BBs violet-crumble, becca, Karin, Alice (all who frequent livejournal and other blogs like they don't have anything better), stand with Paris as members of Johnny's very old "close-knit circle of friends" and I use that term very slightly cuz Johnny can do sooooo much better, then it's no fn wonder his career is spiraling down and OOC. Boy I would love to take a look inside their PCs. Oh and they're all connected to "Paris Wonderlust" on Twitter. Check it."
-Something about birdsong, I don't even
"One more little thought: Say this lark or nightingale doesn't really desire fame or fortune or the spotlight, and all they want to do is sing their song back to Johnny? What if the lark or nightingale is willing to risk going through hell, pain, death just to sing one part of one song back to him?
I've met some of Johnny's friends and I doubt that their hearts are singing the exact same tune or that the tune is being sung in the same key."
-A pseuicide!
I've been thinking. I entered the picture with Johnny skating and as a professional skater. Maybe his bowing out of skating is his way of telling me that he no longers needs my love and support. I feel like I'm no longer needed or required. All I wanted was a little love in return but I guess this is his way of saying I'm not worth it. Besides, he's so super happy and healthy with Robert or Nicole or whatever the fuck their names are so tonight I'm giving everybody what they've always wanted: I'm getting completely stoned out of my mind and then
I am killing myself.
I knew you never really cared, Johnny. I knew it was all a lie.
Good-bye, Johnny. I will always love you."
Now, remember how I said that things got bizarre? Yeah.
-Claims that Aunt Joyce is an agent of the Illuminati.
"I know for a fact that AJ is actually an AGENT of the ILLUNINATTI sent to hide the truth. This truth is that Johnny Weir has been fighting the powers of the illuninaty for years but after terrible pressure has fianlly given in and become theirs. This is the real reason he is leaving skating for now. Now he is just as much an iulluninati pawn as his hero lady gaga.
DON'T BELIEVE AJ'S LIES!!! THEY ARE WATCHING US!"
Now, if any of you are confused at this point, never fear -- another anon is here to summarize everything for us!
Let me get this straight. Johnny is not gay, Tara has suddenly produced 2 children, Drew and Johnny was a publicity stunt, Paris and the dingles have been taking all of Johnny's money and spending it on clothes and booze,and Tara was part of a conspiracy to further Jeremy's career at the expense of Johnny's.
I quite like this fanfiction, but could you also include Evan not winning in Vancover, and werekittens if at all possible.
And finally, whatever this is:
"The problem with the series is that it was run through editors of the ILLUMINATY before publishing. Thus there are many untruths. Jeremy is a creation of the illuminati and would not exist without them. A homonculas if you will. He is kept under the radar for fear that the public will see through their plans. HE IS NOT REAL. I have not yet understood just why they created him but it all has to do with the TRUE johnny weir undisclosed. This is Tara's duly on Earth."
I'll let that speak for itself.
In conclusion: LOL, Dingles. I still can't get over that.
EDIT: Thanks to
tarash, who pointed out that a previous pseuicide had been carried out by none other than Johnny Weir's astral wife. It's a good thing they have phoenix down on the astral plane. Some of the people mentioned by name in this wank are also mentioned there. I still don't know what's going on.
