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Faulty Premise (![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} faultypremise) wrote in ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/community.gif){kind=small} fandom_wank,@ 2010-09-11 10:27:00 |
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NOBODY EXPECTS IT.
With apologies to Monty Python.
Jaina: Trouble at Fanficrants.
Kutsuwamushi: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Jaina: Ona trlls 's rilin' up the 'mmunity.
Kutsuwamushi: Pardon?
Jaina: Ona trolls 's rilin' up the 'mmunity.
Kutsuwamushi: I don't understand what you're saying.
Jaina: [irritated] One of the trolls is riling up the community.
Kutsuwamushi: Well what on earth does that mean?
Jaina: *I* don't know - Theo Harrison just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at Fanficrants, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Wankish Inquisition.
[JARRING CHORD]
[The door flies open and Wanker Izzanami enters, flanked by two junior wankers, Jinxy-sama and Ravyn Skye]
Izzanami: NOBODY expects the Wankish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is wank. Wank and insanity. Our *two* main weapons are wank and insanity. And a dogged determination to get attention. Our *three* weapons are wank, insanity and a dogged determination to get attention and an almost fanatical devotion to all things /b/. [Pause.] Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as--- oh come in again.
[The Inquisition exits]
Jaina: I didn't expect a kind of Wankish Inquisition.
[JARRING CHORD]
[The wankers burst in]
Izzanami: NOBODY expects the Wankish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: wank, insanity, a dogged determination to get attention and an almost fanatical devotion to all things /b/. And old memes no one cares about anymore. D'oh! Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ... our chief weapons are wank...blah blah blah. Ravyn, read the charges.
Ravyn Skye: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit stalking against the Wanky Trio. And something about cun--
Jinxy-sama: That's enough.
[To Jaina and Kutsuwamushi] Now, how do you plead?
Jaina: We're innocent.
Izzanami: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! We'll soon change your mind about that! Now, Wankers -- the fake lj entry images!
[Jinxy-sama and Ravyn make an attempt to frame Kutsuwamushi with the fake lj posts.]
Izzanami:Right! How do you plead?
Kutsuwamushi: ... That's pretty obviously not me.
Izzanami: Ha! Right! Wankers, post the anonymous comments!
[Jinxy-sama and Ravyn rush to post their anonymous comments with a flurry of fast typing and speedy fingers.]
Izzanami: Now, moderator -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by not catering to us, heresy by banning us, heresy by ignoring us, and heresy by not unbanni -- *four* counts. Do you confess?
Kutsuwamushi: But those posts don't even sound like me.
Izzanami: Ha! Then we'll make you confess! Jinxy-sama! Fetch...THE MYSTERIOUS BETRAYING ANON!
[JARRING CHORD]
Izzanami: Now, moderator -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of ignoring us, unban us from Fanficra -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Kutsuwamushi: But no one believes you anyway. And it's not hard to create fake lj screencaps.
Izzanami: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Wanker! Poke her with more anonymous comments!
[Jinxy-sama and Ravyn carry out the anonymous comment attack.]
Izzanami: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Jinxy-sama: It doesn't seem to be bothering her.
Izzanami: Have you been sprinkling in enough foul language?
Jinxy-sama: Yes, I have.
Izzanami: Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Wanker Ravyn Skye! Fetch... the faulty logic!
[JARRING CHORD]
[Zoom into Ravyn Skye's horrified face]
Ravyn Skye [terrified]: The... Faulty Logic?
[Repeated voices saying 'The Faulty Logic!' over and over again.]
Izzanami: So you think you are strong because you can survive the onslaught of anonymous comments. Well, we shall see. Jinxy-sama! Assault her with the faulty logic!
[JARRING CHORD]
Izzanami: Now -- you will put up with our faulty logic, comment by comment, until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Jinxy-sama] Is that really all it is?
Jinxy-sama: Afraid so.
Izzanami: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, moderator. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess!!!
Jinxy-sama: I confess!
Izzanami: Not you!
[CUT TO TRANSITION SCENE]
EPILOGUE: EVIL MOD ON A STICK.
EDIT: Just for clarification, I was not at all involved with this particular wank. I was actually away for a few weeks, and returned to see the report in wank_report and realize they were still at it after all this time.
ETA!
Izzanami: Wankers, we are being mocked!
Jinxy-sama: What?! No one mocks the Wankish Inquisition!
Izzanami: Ha! Ha! Ha! I have the perfect plan.... Wankers, fetch... the EMPTY THREATS OF DOOMY DOOMINESS!
[JARRING CHORD]
ETA 2:
We have contact. Always happy to entertain, thank you for the compliment.
