Entry tags:

entitlement, fandom: twilight, petitions

"Petition" doesn't even look like a real word anymore.
Be gentle, it's my first time.

Oh, hi! I didn't see you come in there. I suppose you've come to hear about the Twilight fans; I've been expecting you. Please, pull up a chair.

As you know, many moons ago the land of literature was invaded by the forces of Twilight and their insane leader ~~Zant~~Stephanie Meyer. Their batboop-crazy antics have been recorded fully elsewhere in these halls, and so let us proceed swiftly to the latest news.

It seems that Twilight fans have developed a thing for petitions. Lots of petitions. For everything. Let me explain.

The actor who plays Edward, Robert Pattinson, is working on an unrelated movie, entitled "Water for Elephants" (based on a novel that began as a NaNoWriMo entry, fun fact). It seems possible his co-star from Twilight, Kristen Stewart, might conceivably visit the première, right? Most people would have no reaction to this. Most people wouldn't even have spent the time to think up the connection. Twilight fans, on the other hand, start a petition to ban her from attending.

This was the report that tipped me off. There was apparently a big flaming thread on IMDB about it, but it has since been deleted. If anyone happened to see it and take screencaps, let us know!

Anyway, while I was searching for a few links to put in a writeup (and maybe some 'caps), I happened across an unrelated page. Apparently Robert is a smoker. Twilight fans' solution? Sign a petition, of course! So I got the impression that this was a "thing" in Twilight fandom, and I started to get curious. Let's see how deep this rabbit hole goes....

Maybe Kristen could work as a television presenter, what do you think? Normal person's reaction: Yeah, I guess so. Or: I don't think that would suit her. Twilight fans' reaction: Let's sign a petition!

There's a new Twilight movie on the way, and some of the fans are getting a bit excited. Which is perfectly normal in any fandom, really. Normal fans' reaction: I can't wait! I can't wait! Twilight fans' reaction: Petition for it to be released early!

Of course, that's just for the U.S. release, I suppose. Maybe the Twilight movie should be released at the same time across the world! Normal person's reaction: Yeah, why do the movie people do stuff like that anyway? Twilight fans' reaction: I'll give you a hint: it begins with "P" and ends with "etition". Oh, and there's a sub-complaint about how Mexico handles these things.

The movie people, Summit Entertainment, considered changing the casting of one of the characters at one point. Normal fans' reaction: Okay, admittedly, this one would probably cause uproar in most fandoms. Not sure if the petition is of a normal tone, though. "We are furious. We hope Summit will consider us, that's why we made this petition. Be sure, Summit, if you don't rehire Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black, our anger will be more stronger, and we'll ~~rule the galaxy as father and son~~boycott the movies."

Oh, and the movie is supposed to be rated PG-13, despite the book having some gorey stuff (like chest-burster babies) and of course a little bit of sparklesex. Normal person's reaction: write smutty fanfic as a replacement. If you don't know what the Twilight fans' reaction to this is, you really haven't been paying attention. See me after class.

Maybe Stephanie Meyer should appear on the Oprah Winfrey show (a ludicrously major U.S. talk-show)! Normal person's reaction: I suppose it would make sense. Twilight fans' reaction: Is it can be petition tiem now? What's wrong, not content with just one? They're multiplying!

Robert Pattinson uses an American accent in the Twilight movies, but a British one in Harry Potter. Normal fans' reaction: Ok, I'm kinda getting bored writing these gimmicks, you're probably bored reading them. I'll just link to the accent petition. Please sign if you want New Moon to be a greater movie than Twilight! (PS: "in Twilight his acting came up a bit short" — I had to take a minute to compose myself.)

Twilight fans are scary. As in, the dangerous kind of scary. They have at least retained enough self-awareness to vaguely recognise this fact, hence them creating a petition aimed at... themselves? I guess? Anyway, it's about not causing the movie stars physical harm. Some of us can manage to pull off something like that without using petitions, but I digress.

This one is addressed to Stephanie Meyer herself, regarding the whole Midnight Sun débâcle. Stop punishing your fans, Stephanie! MeganCullen has... uh... sorry, I uh... that username. Anyway. She has heard that Stephanie intends to finish Midnight Sun once all the hype has died down. Megan's approach to letting the hype die down: gather signatures for a petition. Vickio also has her own take on this petition, but she's gone old-school. I might sign one of these? If it means more people get to read about the "obsessessed^[sic], vampire stalker" (actual quote, p75) then all the better.

What does this person have against punctuation? I don't know, but she's good friends with Stephanie Mayer^[sic], so if you would like to leave your phone number she will have her call you. She will also make 6 new characters based on her 6 biggest fans. Sounds legit! (The actual petition subject: Please write more Twilight books. Please do nothing of the sort.)

We started with a Kristen Stewart-oriented petition, and indeed these seem to be a subcategory. My writeup here is getting a bit long, so I'll just list some quickly.

The "Kristen Stewart Should Leave Hollywood!" petition.
The "Kristen has the right to have a life" petition.
The "Defend Kristen Stewart" petition. (Petition target is, and I quote: "The Press and haters")
The "Against Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan" petition.
The "Keep Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan" petition.
A petition proposing banning Kristen and Robert as casting candidates for some other film. ("[...] completely unacceptable for numerous reasons, including their popularity")
The "Stop Stalking Kristen Stewart" petition, which actually has the jazzier name of "Lookafteryoukstew". Twilight and stalking? Who'd have thought?

Phew. I'll close with one last link to Twilight Lexicon's thoughts on e-petitions and why they don't work. Sending chess pieces, bags of peanuts, and/or socks to the producers is totally effective though, everyone knows it. There is a light dusting of trollery and excessive explanation in the comments, for your entertainment.

Bonus extra: I lied about that being the last link. Happened across the following while I was researching, and thought I would share it with you guys. Because if I have to get weirded out then so do you. There is no need for this many photographs of anything.

ETA: Icon by

chienne!