Someone didn't get the message that Friendship is Magic
Brief disclaimer: this wank, while funny, there is, quoth a fellow FW member, "one dickbag who starts using slurs." There are one or two instances of this. For the most part, I've tried to minimize these insults.

Anyway, it's more pony!wank.

Equestira Daily is a fansite for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, with a very specific group of fans: /b/ronies, or those who have come to the show through 4chan. It’s neat layout, regular updates, and ability to break Pony-related news, however, has made it pretty indispensable for any fans of the show.

You’d think that a place originally created and geared to 4channers would be pretty inhospitable all year round. However, as you might have learned from this previous wank, MLP:FiM has really softened its /b/ronies. Hell, they’ve even held events like Derpy Day, an event dedicated to sending messages of friendship, as well as sharing muffins, with people.

Anyway, this is a fandom website, and as such, you might find pictures and images dedicated to shipping. There’s even smushed names; for instance, AppleDash refers to pairing pony Applejack with Rainbow Dash. Shipping is a little controversial in MLP:FiM, because all the characters are ponies, or at the very least, some manner of animal (griffon, zebra, buffalo…). There has been some discussion of whether this is furry or not, but for the most part, people have learned to stay away from things with [Shipping] labels if they don’t like pony!ships, and people are usually tolerant of shipping discussions in comments to more general posts.

Usually.

Cottonmouth is not supportive of the alternative lifestyles of lesbian ponies. In the comments for the post discussing the latest episode, he was displeased with some casual shipping discussion. (Specific shipping comments can be found at the beginning of the comments in this post. As you can see, pretty tame, talking about cute moments, and done in a polite fashion).


Ignoring the spirit of friendship, he starts off by firing this shot across the bow:

Oh look, I come in expecting some actual discussion of the episode but instead get Faol and Sethisto screaming about ships.

You people are pathetic. Probably only watch the damn show to pick up on things like "dashie" to throw in your next shipping fic.

This brings up a small, generalized discussion from some of those who don’t like shipping. Typical comments are: Meh, I don't think shipping is the first thing on the vast majority of people's minds when they watch the show. I just watch the show to enjoy the ponies, and I think that's the case for most people.

However, not everyone is in as calm and reasonable mood as that commenter. Shit starts a-stirring. There are a lot of corners of shit-stirring, mainly some anonymous posts (which may or may not be sock puppets), but the main show is happening between Fon Shaolin and Cottonmouth, with Cottonmouth providing the real show.

Fon Shaolin takes Cottonmouth personally:

@Cottonmouth
Don't you have a shitty/boring Snails story to be writing? Take your vitriol and impotent rage somewhere else.

Cottonmouth responds:

Anyways, now that Fon has kindly decided to shut the fuck up and go back to writing the same character over and over I would like to say that this episode has by FAR the best joke in the series….
And to the anon above me, they stopped talking about shipping when I told them to. When you call people out for their bullshit they'll usually get mad at you (like Fon did) then stop what they're doing.

He then accuses Fon of making it look like he’s…well, in 4chan parlance, they tend to use the derogatory term for homosexuals which rhymes with "bag," as a suffix. In MLP:FiM we tend to replace this word with "friend." So, a name for a fanfic author would be "writefriend," a fan-artist, "drawfriend," and a sock-puppet, "samefriend." Cottonmouth says that Fon is trying to make him look out as a "samefriend" without using that particular phraseology. I'm not sure WHERE Cottonmouth is getting this. Frankly, I just think he's paranoid. Anyway, Fon says that Cottonmouth isn’t contributing to actual ep discussion, just raising about shipping with unnecessary vitriol.

Cottonmouth strikes back:

@Fon Shaolin

You convict me of raging, when you yourself are showing extreme signs of butthurt.

And I'm OH so sorry I'm not 'contributing' enough. I'll make sure to shit out a few more Spike shipping fics so that I can be in league with someone as good as you.

By the way. If you want to call me a 'hack' at least give an explanation. Right now you just seem to be throwing baseless insults.

It's actually quite amusing, watching you scream "STOP BEING MAD". Keep it up if you want to make yourself look like an even bigger asshat than you already are.

People begin to call Cottonmouth on his trolling (in pony-speak, that would be “paraspriting”). Cottonmouth “respectfully” disagrees with your assessment that he’s a troll.

Respectfully like this:

It's ok, I love you to.

But you should really come up with a better argument than just labeling someone as a... "parasprite".... and calling it a day.

As soon as the discussion that happened DURING the show ended, Sethisto and Fon went into a shipping frenzy. I simply called them out on it.

If you don't want to listen to my opinions and instead stay ignorant, that's fine. I'll love and tolerate you.

Lots of recriminations, discriminations, etc. People finally start pointing out that everything was going pretty reasonably until Cottonmouth swaggered in. A bit of a dogpile begins (and really, I would encourage you to read the thread), but instead of backing down, Cottonmouth, in the way of a true wanker, shines on.

Cottonmouth’s words of wisodom:

Your right. Damn me for trying to actually keep the discussion on the episode and not which two ponies are fanonically dating.

How stupid of me. How could I forget this fandom only watches the shows now for shipping fuel. Guess I'll just go back to my hack writing.

In answer to why he’s so angry about shipping:

Because it conflicts with my interests. Welcome to the world.

I want to discuss the episode, Fon wants to discuss how much Applejack shipping fuel there is in the episode.

Conflicting interests. Fon gets mad. Argument starts. The end.

Re: allegations that he’s taking this too seriously and also…”aspie-ing out” about the show:

Great argument there, one that will go down in history.

I have no self-importance. I have no desire to... uh... "aspie out" as Fon so neatly described.

Also I'm laughing at how you threw the Chris-chan label at me. Tell me Fon, how far down the rabbit hole are you willing to go?

It's ok. You're safe. Keep getting angry at me. Keep throwing random, baseless insults my way. Apparently no one is willing to call you out for it, so what's the repercussions?

When he is called out as a hypocrite for calling Fon immature:

You know what they say... it takes one to see one, and right now Fon isn't looking to different from me.

One of the worst things you can do in an argument is become like your opponent. Fon managed to do that in 1 post.

Cottonmouth fauxpologizes:

You know I've said like 5 times now I was being too harsh originally. If you want to keep shoving it down my throat without listening to me, please excuse yourself.

Fauxpology part II: friendship related boogaloo:

Calm down and think before posting. I didn't when I posted originally, and that's what got this started.

Maybe me, you and Fon can go take some anger management classes together. Bro it up

Finally, Cottonmouth passive-aggressively “learns” a lesson, all while PROVING how much the people who disagree with him are evil:

See, now you became what you hated. It is a terrible thing to happen, and it happens so often to.

I did learn from this. I learned that both Fon and I need to learn self control.

You however... you still have something to learn. I suggest you go back and read over what you posted, then calm thyself.

As for me, I really need to get back to my hack writing. Thanks for the entertainment.

In conclusion, quoth an anon: ITT: people who have never been part of any other fandom

The End.


Or is it?

Hint: It’s not. A few days later, Cottonmouth is back. This time he doesn’t like a fic. Unsurprisingly, this fic has a brief mention of shipping.

Cottonmouth supplies this review:

Eh... this is really just your typical baaawww story, which is starting to get as rampant as Rainbow Dash shipping stories. Also why did you randomly just slap Appledash into the middle of the fic? Whatever.

We also got no word of Spike, who is pretty much Twilight's best friend.

I mean it's not really bad writing, it just seems like quick attempt at a bawstory.

Sad stories are starting to get annoying and as bland as the shipping stories. Just talk about how someone died and then its sad.

When a couple of people say that maybe he should rethink his tone and point out that he’s been a source of unwanted negativity lately, Cottonmouth explains that he’s, ”just calling it how I see it.”

And also, HE’S GIVING OUT CRITICISM. He has A RIGHT to criticize you. He can’t help it if people don’t want to learn from his critical thoughts!

Cottonmouth finally crystallizes his thoughts. Highlighted bits are my “favorite”:
You've all been drowned by this notion of "friendship" that any time a condescending critique falls upon a fic you lunge at someone.

When you submit your stories to the blog, you are putting them out there for everyone to see. You are taking up space on my screen.If I'm interested in the fic, I'll read it and say what I thought about it.

Sure I also love putting in my own opinions (the "bawfic" part) but I also lay out this fics problems. Phoe actually said what I was trying to convey in a much more efficient manner, so congratulations to him.

Also, I would LOVE for you to read my fics, ESPECIALLY if you want to critique them.

You guys, he has to critique things in a condescending manner. Otherwise, people might keep taking up space on his screen!


PS: If you want to see an example of the guy's fic, I recommend this story in which he personally insults fandom for liking an ascended meme character (Derpy Hooves), ends by saying “And then they had lesbian sex” in the belief that this will increase readership, kills off one of the main characters, and insults another fandom member by implying that he plays too many video games via a music video. Oh, that Cottonmouth. He's a real gem.