Current mood:	Literary
Current music:	Ode to Joy

Fetch Me My Oriental Penis! or, The Wanker's Progress

Act 1:

Crowfrog: Woe betide me! No one loveth me! The world loatheth me! This forum loatheth me! Sob out my little heart I must!
Chorus: What hath transpired, O snookums?
Crowfrog: Oh ye who aspire to the pinnacles of humanity, ye sicken me! For I suffered, and ye knew me not; in my hour of need, ye abandoned me.
Chorus: Though we still know not that of which you whine, let us hug you and squeeze you and name you George!
Crowfrog: ::DRAMATIC WEEP::
Chorus: Oh, we are undone!

Act 2:

Inu: Thus be what hath so sorely vexed Our Heroine. It be nearly a year in passing, and she art verily a strumpet that ought to be condemned to the Pit.
Chorus: Villainy! Cruel villainy! Can ye not let that which is bygone stay in Fight Club?
Crowfrog: I shall overcome!
Alfador: Someone hug me!
Svzurich: Nonsequitur!
Snowhart: How dare someone think ill of Our Heroine for weeping publicly over a long-dead matter? Away with ye, foul devildog! Can ye not see ye cleave us in twain?
Chorus: Hurrah! What Creatrix hath joined, let no man put asunder!
[Huggling, exeunt.]

Act 3:

Earlessa of Wank: 'SBLOOD, THE COPIOUS SEMEN STINGS MY CORNEAS! Why doth the Lord suffer tards to live?
Horatio: You should wank this.
Earlessa of Wank: It is done!

Fin.

I spent days unable to physically move. I didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t breathe. I just lay on the floor trying to scrape myself back together. It was months before I finally returned, only to find that no one knew why I had disappeared.

This is my favorite paragraph in all of American literature.

(Post a new comment)

This means that now I can be called Horatio or Ho for short.

irk
2003-08-09 06:54 am UTC (link)

And now I don't know what's funnier, that thread or this post.

But my favorite passage is a different one:

This forum represents something very special. We have here a composition, not just of intelligence, which in the end means very little to a personality, but rather of heart. We have a collection of some of the best souls in humanity. We have here Wisdom. We should therefore represent what humanity strives to be.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: This means that now I can be called Horatio or Ho for short.

rikoshi
2003-08-09 12:27 pm UTC (link)

This forum represents something very special. We have here a composition, not just of intelligence, which in the end means very little to a personality, but rather of heart. We have a collection of some of the best souls in humanity. We have here Wisdom. We should therefore represent what humanity strives to be.

As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, wank without end, amen.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	shoiryu 2003-08-09 06:54 am UTC (link)
	And YE it was written in the book of Jennifer! (Reply to this)

	sagralisse 2003-08-09 07:05 am UTC (link)
	She didn't breathe for days?!?! Dude! (Reply to this)(Thread)

	banal_o_rama 2003-08-09 07:06 am UTC (link)
	o_o All glory and honor to the Hypnotoad. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	sorchar 2003-08-09 08:39 am UTC (link)
	She was sleeping the sleep of the Undead, dude. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	hoshiryo 2003-08-10 04:48 am UTC (link)
	Hm. Zombie or vampire? Or perhaps duppy? (Wait, vampires are cool...so she can't possibly be one.) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: sorchar 2003-08-10 06:35 am UTC (link)
	Zombie, fer sure. (Reply to this)(Parent)

rikoshi
2003-08-09 12:21 pm UTC (link)

Lo! I am slain with wit and humor!

Seriously, that's the funniest thing I've read in I don't know how long. And I read some funny shit, yo. My head is literally spinning with so many compliments right now, that I don't know which ones to give, other than YAY.

Hurrah! What Creatrix has joined, let no man put asunder!

Can this be incorporated into part of our greater creed or something?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	banal_o_rama 2003-08-09 08:12 pm UTC (link)
	Please, call me a genius. I like it. >:D (Reply to this)(Parent)

dawnswalker
2003-08-09 01:01 pm UTC (link)

As I commented to

rikoshi, I never thought I'd see the day where JDR would be one of the more concise posters in a thread.

And you know it's a trivial argument if the UJ Forum is willing to let it go to the point of forgetting it entirely (for the most part, anyway).

Consider me floored. I don't think I'll be eating, sleeping, moving, breathing, thinking, or living for the next few days, m'kay?

(Reply to this)

	sagralisse 2003-08-09 06:23 pm UTC (link)
	I forgot to tell you... the play made me giggle like a schoolgirl. :) (Reply to this)

	snoozy 2003-08-10 07:12 am UTC (link)
	Wow. The UJ forums are just an endless bounty of wanky delight! ...Someone should hug Alfador before he suffers a meltdown, yo. (Reply to this)

	mirabellawotr 2003-08-10 07:23 am UTC (link)
	Heeheehee! <3! (Reply to this)