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Zephyros, a tumblr user with the URL 30secondstomurder, doesn't like Supernatural and decides to express their feelings on the matter:

This show sucks ass. The only reason I know about it is because my dumb ass little sister watches it in the living room, which is sadly where the computer is at.

The worst part of Superntural is the tumblr fans. Always clogging up my dash with fucking gifs and graphics, and they’re always the same fucking picture. IT’S NEVER ANY DIFFERENT. Always talking about how awesome Misha Collins is or isn’t - I’m gunna have to say he sucks ass, his acting is shitty and he looks like a hipster dad trying to be young - Always screaming ‘destiel’ or ‘wincest’ is the best pairing.

Always making gay porn images that look N-O-T-H-I-N-G like the Supernatural cast members and saying they do look like them.

It’s fucking irritating when I reblog a picture of guys kissing or fucking and I get a bunch of notes informing me that the Supernatural fandom has gotten ahold of it and are saying how much it looks like Cas and Dean, or Sam and Dean, then attaching shitty written fanfiction next to it. I’ve actually had to DELETE a lot of my rebloggs because it was filled with so much Supernatural bullshit.

So fuck you Supernatural, fuck you and all your fucking fans. In the ass. With a big rusty stake.

Fuck you Misha Collins for coming on the show and being all over my dash, you damn hipster.

Fuck you Jensen Ackles for lowering your great acting abilities on a shitty teen show.

Fuck you Jared Padalecki, I used to think you were hot but now you’re doing steroids and look creepy.

Fuck anyone following me that reblogs Supernatural, please remove me.

Fuck anyone I’m following that gets offended or posts Supernatural. I’ll be removing you shorly.

Their rant quickly generated over 1,000 notes and more responses, including a dramatic reading edition and an influx of anonymous messages all asking the same thing:

Hey are you Misha?

You see, there's a persistent rumor on Tumblr that Misha Collins often lurks there and has a "secret tumblr," apparently something he's talked about with fans but never on camera. Several blogs have been suspected of being Misha's before, and - well, let me let anonymous explain:

You know, you REALLY had me going there. I thought, "Geez, this guy sure has anger problems!" and I thought "Damn, what a d-bag!" But then, I took a gander at your tumblr and I have to say, you nearly had me fooled, Misha.

What gave it away? You blog a lot of green eyes, freckles, gay pride, drag queens, Justin Bieber, and Burning Man. You bashed everyone in your rant except Jensen. Your name translates into 'west wind', and we all know your son's name is West.

But the most damning evidence is the kale. We all know Misha loves kale.

Well played, good sir. But not quite good enough.

Zeph responds:

311 messages.

THREE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN.

ALL. ABOUT. FUCKING. MISHA MOTHER FUCKING COLLINS.

Who gives a shit about him. If I was him, I’d kill myself. I wouldn’t be able to stand looking in the mirror everyday, looking at my old windbag reflection, putting on hipster clothes in a futile attempt to look young and hip. I wouldn’t be able to live knowing that my dayjob is acting like an angel with down syndrome that undresses Dean with his eyes every episode.

Zeph pledges to start ignoring SPN fans from then on, but soon posts that they are in financial need and will do "anything" except porn, such as write an essay or draw something. They promptly are hired to write "a lovely 1,000 report on why Misha Collins is so awesome," and "a God among men," no negativity or sarcasm allowed.

An excerpt:

Did you know that Misha Collins actually has a son? Yes, fandom, some lucky little broad has actually slept with Misha and bore his child. I don’t know how a human can mate with God, but it happened. It happens and God produced the cutest little scamp to ever exist. West is so cute, it makes mothers everywhere across the world want to throw their hands in the air and shout “WHY BOTHER!”, because they know they’ll never have an offspring as cute as West. It would be like comparing a white dove to a piece of crap; One is beautiful and makes my heart sing, while the other is on my car and baking in the 100 degree heat, where it will forever remain and embarrass me, just like it will embarrass you to ever think you’re child would be even half as cute as West.

[...] Did you know that Misha Collins also dresses in drag AND likes Justin Bieber? Holy shit! I didn’t know that until recently, and it only added to my big list of ‘reasons why Misha Collins is the most perfect thing to ever exist’. But wait, there’s more! Did you know he likes kale? I didn’t either until just recently and I wept for hours thinking about how God likes to eat the same food I do. But then again, he created kale, so it’s not a surprise that he would enjoy the most perfect food to exist.

[...] It makes my heart weep to know that I, a mere mortal, will never be able to kiss those holy lips, or run my hands through his messy (and yet totally sexy) hair. How I’ll never feel stubble burn on my face from his unshaven jaw. How I’ll never get to orgasm just by hearing him say my name in that deep, seductive voice of his. How I’ll never get to sleep with him, and knowing when I scream “oh GOD!” that I would in fact be calling out the right name this time.

Oh Misha Collins, why must you be so perfect? I feel like your existence is only here to remind us humans how insignificant and unworthy we truly are. Do you wish me to kill myself? Because I consider it daily when I see your pictures and know that perfection is something I’ll never get to have in my life.

Oh Misha, I’m gonna do it tonight. I’m gonna make you know who I am and I’m gonna make you LOVE ME. I’m going to break into a local church at night, and then I’m going to slit my wrists and write a declaration of love with my blood on the walls and floor. When they find my dead body, and my love letter, I’ll be on the news and you’ll be called in for questioning. Then, Misha, then you will finally know I exist and realize how crazy you make me and everyone else who happens to see you. Maybe then you’re realize that God doesn’t belong on Earth. Maybe then you’ll go back to Heaven and spare the millions of deaths that will definitely follow mine, because, trust me, everyone will be quick to kill themselves knowing that it will finally get your attention. Yes, please go back to Heaven, I can’t take this amount of perfect, it’s just too much!

Just stop it, Misha. Stop it before it’s too late!

Zeph quickly raises the money they needed, mostly from SPN fans who also contract him to write Supernatural fanfiction and draw Supernatural fanart. Which means Zeph has to watch the show. And look up Misha Collins. For research. Yes. Research:

YOU GUYS I DON’T GET WHY YOU NEED FANFICTION

LIKE I REALLY REALLY DON’T

WAS LOOKING UP PICTURES OF MISHA COLLINS FOR REFERENCE AND I FOUND ONE WHERE HE’S TRYING TO GIVE HIMSELF A BLOWJOB.

AND THERE IS ALSO ONE WHERE HE HAS WHITE SHIT ALL OVER HIS FACE AND IT LOOKS LIKE CUM.

THE MORE I FIND OUT ABOUT THIS GUY THE MORE I’M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM.