Hiddlesgate? Hiddlesplosion? His name doesn't even look like a word anymore.
Tom Hiddleston, British actor who played Loki in the movie Thor, and beloved of many many obsessive and sometimes creepy fangirls on Tumblr, has recently come out.

No, not as gay. As married.

And Tumblr suffers a wanksplosion, monitored gleefully by ONTD, as dozens of "Hiddlestoners" rend their hair and sob into their hug-pillows because some actor who doesn't even know who they are failed to share with them all the details of his personal life.

Let the flouncing commence!

—im so angry right now

For the first time i´ll write something for my own, i´m so sad and angry for this new things about Tom Hiddleston maybe many people think that i am a fucking crazy and maybe i am, i don´t care. But now I REGRET EVERYTHING i don´t like his wife or girlfriend whatever and i don´t think they look “cute” together. He most to said something about this before. This is over for me, i´m not a “hiddlestoner anymore” and just close this chapter of my life.

Goodbye hiddlestoners i won´t vote for him anymore and i need to cleen my dash :(

To which an anon replies:

—I think it's perfectly understandable why you would leave the fandom. I unfollowed many Hiddles blogs. I feel as though I am not ready to accept the couple yet and I want to take my time before returning to the fandom. Though I will admit it was a great fandom while it lasted. It just won't be the same anymore. :/

Some fans share the sentiment:

—I understand all of the chaos that’s happening for Tom’s fans on tumblr. At least they have the guts to say how they feel. I personally feel very uncomfortable when a celebrity I like is involved in a relationship.

—Tom Hiddleston just announced he is married, and has been married for who knows how long.

I feel sick to my stomach.

—maddie-son: I’m sorry but that’s fucking shocking.

I could have handled him dating someone. Whatever.

But, boom. Wife. It’s…yeah. I…

—Not saying that this is what Tom did, but I have a problem with people presenting themselves as available when they’re not (mainly because I have huge fucking personal issues with cheating and adultery). Celebrity or not, public figure or not, it’s not cool to do something like that.

—I think it’s rude that he wouldn’t even acknowledge her.

Being private is one thing.

Ignoring everything is another.

ScarJo and Ryan Reynolds were private. But people knew they were together.

Not saying you’re fucking MARRIED is a bit much.

—and for the record, I'm calling her Wife of Hiddles. That's much better than her real name anyways.

—I do hope he’s not married. And it’s not jealousy or ‘I was hoping to get with him’ or anything like that. I know he doesn’t owe anyone anything and doesn’t have to explain if he’s with someone or not, but it would have been nice. I can’t even explain it. I think it’s just that there are so many people who could, off hand, tell you just about every fact about him. But this is huge. Marriage is huge. It just strikes me as something Tom would bring up.

—If he were to be married, I don’t know how I would take this. It would probably take some getting used to to be honest. Yes, Tom is an amazing actor. But that realization came to me while I was pretty much drooling over his good looks. Not going to lie. Therefore, I need to get my priorities straightened out. It’s completely stupid to say that I’m jealous, but who wouldn’t be? I just feel really strange (and don’t judge me on this one) day dreaming or writing a story about him knowing that he’s married. I think the level of excitement goes down for me a little bit.

To which someone replies: "So… like… he’s supposed to stay single and lonely and miserable forever so some horny fangirl in Nowhere, USA can have more “realistic” masturbation fantasies?"

Lots of people are weirdly relieved that Hiddleston isn't gay (because again, realistic masturbation fantasies), and some are upset because this breaks up their RPF ship:

—sweetsummerchild: I suppose i should be happy for them but nope i’m too busy thinking about the fact that now Tom will probably never get married with Jaimie and have lots of beautiful and talented kids with her.

Some fans are upset by the mockery they're receiving from ONTD and others:

—OH MY GOD THE TOM HIDDLESTON TAG IS FULL OF ASSHOLES

“LOL I GOTTA GET POPCON”

“LOL OMG TIME TO WATCH MORE DRAMA”

“LOL WOW YOU ARE CRAZY”

thanks for being accepting of the world!

And other people are just... strange.

—The only reason I'm kind of sad about Hiddles being married is that I like to celebrate when my favorite celebrities get married.

When Jensen and Danneel got married? I was so excited I had to run and tell my mom and she was like “WTF?” and I was like “IT’S SO CUUUUUTTEEEEE!” and then I bought a cake. I bought. A cake.

And there are topical macros and gifs, and ONTD makes jokes about Hiddleston being the IRL God of Mischief.

As a side note, someone on ONTD discovers the Snapeswives for the first time and much newbie boggling and oldbie reminiscing ensues.

(Sorry for all the ONTD links — Tumblr wank is hard to track down and some of the wank was bahleeted due to flouncing.)

EDIT: There's more!

—doremiylonenway: all of this thing about the wife is like “OMG, WHAT?” because we have never seen him with her like a couple, we saw pictures of them but we thought “another actress, or just a friend” and yes, it is shocking, I felt like I couldn’t breathe for a second, but honestly, I’m amazed of his ability to keep this in secret or in private, that’s awesome.

right now I feel like “I’ve been through things like this before, I can handle this” maybe this is what I needed to calm down my “obsession”

Not because I think “he’s single, there’s a chance for me to get married with him!!” pff, noo, by “I needed this” I mean.. “He has his own life, it’s time for you to get out of the internet and look for your own”

I now I’ve been wasting so much time here, I won’t let my blog but I need to put my attention on things that are happening in my life, not in someone else’s life… I though I learned this many years ago.

I realized that something is missing in my life right now, like years ago when I started to be a fangirl.

I love to be part of this fandom, I’m not saying goodbye, hiddleston’s army are the best fandom I’ve ever met, I love you all! but suddenly I have all this feelings and emotions… it’s hard.

I just wanted to take this out, thanks for reading!! and I’ll always say this, seriously: I love you :D and I won’t stop loving him

A reply to one of the earliest posts, when the fans were first hearing the news:

—thelusciouslumberjack said: He’s not married… he wouldn’t hide it like that. Why would he? He would at least be wearing his wedding ring.

Yeah, I can't imagine why he wouldn't want his army of possessive fangirls to know that he's married.

EDIT 2: The Morning After:

—nygis: I thought about it a bit last night and this morning, and to me it’s just plain shock. Of course Tom doesn’t owe us every detail of his personal life, and he has done nothing wrong. He hasn’t insulted us or anyone. But I think a lot of us felt at least some kind of connection to him from his interviews or his roles, so it was like we did sort of know him in a weird way. Then yesterday the “he’s married” bomb dropped and it was so out of nowhere that it felt like we didn’t know someone that we’d followed for a long time anymore.

Am I upset or mad at Tom? Absolutely not. Am I puking rainbows over his newly publicized relationship? Nope. But I do feel kind of down today in a bittersweet way, like someone ripped my bandaid off before my little papercut healed. I think I have a right to feel at least a little blue about the unexpected situation.

—mcelise responds: I agree with all of this. Let everyone have their own reactions, and deal in their own way, even if you don’t agree. Don’t be rude and call them crazy and insist that they should react exactly as you do. No one ever reacts the same as another person, and as long as we all realize this and allow everyone space to deal (or not) in the way that is natural to them.

This too, shall pass.

—suphiddles: The thing that dissapoints me is the huge loss of character: normally he’s so open and charming with the press and his fans( that is one of the things which made me like him as an actor so much) but now it’s just bamn- no warning- no inkling of this absolutely enormous elephant in the room

—qchord: until the dust settles

i am not checking the hiddles tag.

it used to be my favourite tag, second to martin freeman. it was like going to a land of bunnies.

it’s not anymore..it’s just giving me chest pains.

EDIT 3: Whoops, looks like we've got some wanking inside the house. For those wishing to avoid the unfunnybusiness, it's in the thread that mentions Michael Fassbender.