Current mood:	Catty
Entry tags:	reviews, videogames

AV Club gives C grade to Uncharted 3; fanboys go ballistic
Scott Jones of the AV Club gave a mixed review of Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception, a hotly anticipated game for PlayStation 3. Jones praised the storyline and dialogue but criticized the gameplay mechanics:

[T]he story still zips and characters are still conflicted, but targeting is as twitchy as ever, bad guys still require three or four shotgun blasts to the head before they’re deterred, and the game’s star, Nathan Drake, still has no clue whatsoever about how to crouch. Two years after Thieves, Uncharted’s gameplay mechanics and conventions are no longer dated; they’re borderline archaic.

His final grade for the game was a C.

In the comments section, things started out innocuously enough. There was a minor kerfuffle over whether the game's protagonist was a serial killer. A couple of people speculated about what would happen when the review showed up on Metacritic. "Frankly," said one, "if I had the power to fuck with metacritic like this, I don't think I'd be able to resist giving an F to every single triple-A title. It's like having nuclear launch codes for internet fanboys."

And the internet fanboys did not disappoint. You see, elsewhere on the internet, game critics were creaming themselves about how wonderful Uncharted 3 was. Every single other review on Metacritic was positive; Jones's review was the only mixed one. When the Uncharted fanboys saw the AV Club review, they realized that one bad review was not a threat to their beloved game franchise, and moved on with their lives.

--

Just kidding. They registered for the AV Club so they could comment about how Scott Jones is WRONG WRONG WRONG. The sarcastic hipster types who populate the AV Club comments section were only too happy to bait them.

Some highlights:

Let me tell you how much I don't care about this review! (p. 2)
"Another worthless 'review' by Scott Jones. This guy is a troll and a pure idiot and it's unfortunate this this reviewer and website get attention, hits and web traffic that it doesn't deserve." (p. 2)
A surprisingly thoughtful thread on grade inflation in game reviews (p. 2)
An AV Club staff writer responds to a stupid comment with an allusion to Shakespeare. Unsurprisingly, the commenter doesn't get it. (p. 2)
"It just sounds like DRand is pissed off that this review doesn't spend 6 paragraphs blabbering on about how amazingly well the light bounces off Nathan Drake's immaculately modeled crotch bulge." (p. 2)
I am better than everyone else here because I am a second year med student. (p. 2)
People make fun of IGN's sycophantic reviews and grade inflation (p. 2)
"You are not the Roger Ebert of computer games" (p. 3)
Some asshole named Eric D. Molino doesn't understand formatting or threads (pp. 3-4)
Everyone likes a good Commie joke (p. 4)
I know the gameplay is good, because I watched a walkthrough! (p. 4)
"I could pull a bunch of hard facts out of my ass to prove this guy is an idiot, but I'll just state my opinion." (p. 4)
Microsoft or Activision must have paid Jones to give this game a bad review! (p. 5)
"Sony is going to sell millions of PS3s with this game and you losers will still be in you're moms basement... HAHAHAHAHAHA" (p. 5)
"Are you insane? And by 'insane,' I mean clinically, non-ironically, eat-your-own-shit-and-strangle-kittens batshit nuts." (p. 6)

Here's the best part: the angry comments were posted on October 30 and 31, but Uncharted 3 wasn't released until November 1 (November 2 in Europe). That's right: these valiant fanboys were defending the besmirched honor of a game they'd never played. Except for this guy. Maybe.

EDIT: I just realized that my links to "highlights" aren't working. That's just the AV Club comments system being difficult -- I can't link to anything past page 1. I've put in some page numbers to help out a little.

Also: Eurogamer, which published an 8/10 review of Uncharted 3, has also been overrun with angry fanboys lately. 8/10!

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	cosmosin_strife 2011-11-03 04:31 pm UTC (link)
	Lol look at Dynasty Warriors, my favourite series. Play UK (the official Playstation magazine) gave DW7 only 32%, while they constantly give every FPS a mimimum of 70% at worst. IGN likewise love to bash the series and always give every 'Warriors' low scores. While yeah, the games aren't perfect but they're definitely not as bad as the reviewers think. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	tofuknight 2011-11-03 07:35 pm UTC (link)
	Just looked at the 8.8 TVTropes page and saw an example where FE:Radiant Dawn was panned cuz it was too hard. I thought that was the point of the FE games? (I admit I haven't played RD, but only bcuz all my Wii time is currently spent on Donkey Kong...) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	iris 2011-11-03 07:57 pm UTC (link)
	RD also got knocked in one review for failing to include Mii support. \o_O/ (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	deliciouschaos 2011-11-03 08:33 pm UTC (link)
	How...I don't...that's a whole new kind of special. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	iris 2011-11-03 09:14 pm UTC (link)
	Though I would find it kind of hilarious if you lost a Mii in battle and it was deleted from your hard drive. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	deliciouschaos 2011-11-03 09:36 pm UTC (link)
	I endorse this product and/or service. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	tofuknight 2011-11-09 06:02 pm UTC (link)
	I, too, endorse this product and/or service! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	totally directed at the "too hard" crowd not you deliciouschaos 2011-11-03 08:31 pm UTC (link)
	FE:Radiant Dawn was panned cuz it was too hard At first I laughed and then I realized they were serious. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: totally directed at the "too hard" crowd not you sol 2011-11-04 12:17 am UTC (link)
	It's sorta sad that they were playing on Normal mode (or Easy mode, which would make the whole thing funnier/sadder), which is fairly easy as long you don't screw up. Hard mode is kinda stupid though, since it removes range identifiers and the weapon triangle. Of course, you have to start RD with Micaiah, so maybe they just couldn't stand her? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: totally directed at the "too hard" crowd not you

deliciouschaos
2011-11-04 04:06 pm UTC (link)

I still giggle a bit that importing an easy mode file from Path to RD breaks the game.

I have to try Maniac Mode someday once I've played RD as many times as I've played Path, which I think will take me over 200 hours. oh god

The first eight stages require a special kind of masochism, especially if you have voice-acting turned on. Mashing start through all of the non-combat may reduce teethgrinding by up to 60%.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	maverickz3r0 2011-11-04 06:35 am UTC (link)
	...Complaining about a Fire Emblem game being too hard is akin to complaining about being too wet when you've just been swimming. Unless it's Sacred Stones. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	jkefka 2011-11-07 05:00 am UTC (link)
	In which case it's like complaining that you could pick up that empty coke can on your desk and throw it in the recycling, but it's just so heavy. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	tofuknight 2011-11-09 06:04 pm UTC (link)
	I LOLed. :D (Reply to this)(Parent)

	iris 2011-11-03 07:56 pm UTC (link)
	Oh man the review hatred of DW pisses me off. I wouldn't be giving it 9's and 10's or anything despite how much I personally adore it, but 32%? Hell no. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	bacon_lover 2011-11-06 06:33 am UTC (link)
	This. It's not a simple hack and slash, although killing 600 or 2000 enemies is awesome. The fact that you do actually have to pay attention to the map and stop specific things from happening makes it a blast. Also: Zhang He. So brilliant. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	tofuknight 2011-11-09 06:07 pm UTC (link)
	Also, sometimes you just want to kill lots of people with a ridiculously big sword/spear/umbrella, and that's ok. (plays Samurai Warriors, but is going to get Dynasty one of these days, really) (Reply to this)(Parent)

ekaterinv
2011-11-03 11:16 pm UTC (link)

Yeah, the score inflation applies to FPSs and RTSs far more than to any other genre of game. Other genres often get points taken off for basically not being FPSs, unless they're from Rockstar or Valve. RPGs are particularly prone to this, but they can make up for it if to some extent if they pump enough into graphics, or if they're Fable. Game critics from the big sites also weigh graphics incredibly high. Well, they rarely have time to actually play the whole game, so they have to focus on bling.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	adevyish 2011-11-04 07:02 am UTC (link)
	I hate RTSs and I can't play FPSs, so I live in happy bubble of word-of-mouth. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ekaterinv 2011-11-04 11:08 am UTC (link)
	Even word-of-mouth doesn't work for me. Hell, even demos don't; I hated the Dragon Age 2 demo but I can't stop playing the damn game. I've started acquiring games in a perfectly legal fashion, then spending the money on them if I end up liking them. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	justira 2011-11-04 02:33 pm UTC (link)
	I've started acquiring games in a perfectly legal fashion, then spending the money on them if I end up liking them. It took my morning brain a minute to process that, and then I laughed. But this is actually the method I've taken to for pretty much all media. I will gladly give money to creators who, you know, should be encouraged. (Reply to this)(Parent)

(Read comments) -