Entry tags:

Decoupaging the text from the wrong perspective?
A blogger buys a used, beat-up copy of Anne Rice's Pandora, ends up not liking it, and decides to get crafty with it. (Well, she also says, "Don’t be mad at me, even if Pandora really is one of the worst Anne Rice novels then it’s still better written than Twilight. Just not by as much as you think.")

Anne Rice finds out.

Anne Rice links to the blog on her Facebook.

You know what happens next.

HOW DARE YOU EVEN COMPARE SHITTY ASS STEPHANIE MEYER TO THE QUALITY WORK THAT IS ANNE RICE HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING HAG, I HOPE YOU GET HERPES

INSANE. To destroy a book like that is honestly the most disrespectful, idiotic thing anyone could ever do. An opinion is an opinion, but to do that… loved the rich descriptive narrative and historical context and character development (the other reason I read them).

Disgraceful.

This review is garbage. If you get this emotional then you are not reviewing a book, you are having a mental breakdown. I am left wondering not what is not right about the novel by Anne Rice, but what is mentally wrong with the [next comment] Person who wrote this tripe of a review.

“I couldn’t simply write my opinion I had to be a destructive little shit aren’t i awesome?”

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - GODWIN'S LAW:

"Jose": My dear: Even if you dont like a book i dont get why you have to destroy it, Nazi memories perhaps?

Miss Articulate, the OP: The book was dying anyway, it would have been thrown away if I’d given it to a charity shop and I clearly underestimated the offense people would take. Relating it to Nazi’s is incredibly disrespectful to what people went through during WW2, including my own family so please don’t throw that around. Thanks for the comment.

Jose: It’s merely stating that destroying books is one of the things Nazis did, why get so personal? I respected your apology for offence caused, but that is yet another petty, attention-seeking remark. Did anyone refer to the other horrors the Nazis did? No. Therefore your response is irrelevant.

And there's so much more where that came from.

ETA from sandglass: "The Facebook link itself is worth looking at, too. Rice is replying to comments as well."

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	puipui 2013-04-29 07:56 am UTC (link)
	YOU FUCKING HAG, I HOPE YOU GET HERPES Herpes? Really? You have all the time in the world to come up with something good, and you come up with herpes? That's just sad. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	sepiamagpie 2013-04-29 09:18 am UTC (link)
	Nose-weasels or something. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	dorothy1901 2013-04-29 10:26 am UTC (link)
	Or murrain. Last time I saw murrain used as a curse was Exodus (not the Leon Uris novel). It's overdue. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	queencallipygos 2013-04-30 06:53 pm UTC (link)
	Now I wanna read a story about someone having nose-weasels. Just to see what it'd be like. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	yattara 2013-04-29 03:05 pm UTC (link)
	Kids these days. They've got no imagination, or even a good dictionary. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	ekaterinv 2013-04-29 03:17 pm UTC (link)
	"I hope you get a relatively easily manageable rash that over 50% of the U.S. population already has!" Isn't there anything from Anne Rice books that's more horrific? Like, permanently erect penis or something? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	paladin 2013-04-29 09:22 pm UTC (link)
	You're thinking of Laurell K. Hamilton. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ekaterinv 2013-04-29 11:55 pm UTC (link)
	I'm pretty sure Anne Rice wrote something about permanently erect penii back in the 70s when she was writing porn. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	phosfate 2013-04-30 03:03 am UTC (link)
	I hate myself for being able to confirm this, but it was a motif in the Beauty books. I'm still not sure if she was fantasizing, or genuinely thought that this was something men can do at will. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

aiwendil
2013-04-30 04:58 am UTC (link)

Well, there is a medical condition called Priapism, where the erection does not subside. It's a medical emergency which without treatment can result in ischemia, thrombosis, impotence, or - in extreme cases - gangrene, resulting in amputation.

The condition is named for the minor Greek god Priapus, who most commonly is depicted with an absurdly large and permanent erection. Apparently some scholars think that garden gnomes are a descendant of Priapus, of sorts....

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	phosfate 2013-04-30 05:03 am UTC (link)
	Thaaaaaaaat's not really what she was going for, no. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	aiwendil 2013-04-30 05:19 am UTC (link)
	The world is perhaps a better place for Anne Rice not writing garden gnome porn, I guess. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

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puipui, 2013-04-30 06:38 am UTC

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queencallipygos, 2013-04-30 06:54 pm UTC

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ekaterinv, 2013-04-30 07:16 pm UTC

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puipui, 2013-04-30 08:41 pm UTC

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spawn_of_kong, 2013-05-02 02:10 am UTC

kita0610
2013-04-30 05:38 am UTC (link)

Didn't her vampires come with permanent erections? They couldn't/didn't use them, but they were always at least semi-erect, if I recall correctly. And actually now that I think about it, one of her vampire couples did have sex while sleeping in their coffin together. But it wasn't really sex, because her vampires didn't have sex! But it was penetration, and therefore uhm, sex. She confused the hell out of me as a teenager.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

ekaterinv
2013-04-30 07:15 pm UTC (link)

Right around when the movie Interview With a Vampire came out, I had about a short period in which I thought vampires could be hot, focused on Anne Rice vampires. Then I learned her vampires couldn't have sex, and I thought, wtf is the point of that? And went back to my normal stance of thinking vampires were boring.

Is it like, they didn't orgasm so it's not sex? That sounds like the kind of weirdness she'd come up with.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	uldihaa 2013-05-01 09:28 pm UTC (link)
	They made unicorns! Oh wait, wrong vampires. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	tehrin 2013-04-30 08:14 am UTC (link)
	Rashes come with guilty pleasures like cheesy vampire novels. I think they were flaccid, but later retconned. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	the__ivorytower 2013-04-29 05:03 pm UTC (link)
	Because I read this right after playing Cards Against Humanity, all I could think was that someone picked it as their second blank. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ladyvyola 2013-04-29 05:33 pm UTC (link)
	Ah, Cards Against Humanity! One of my favorite rounds was someone reading out "In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with ____________ for the first time." I almost hurt myself with how fast I slapped down "double penetration." Good times, good times. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	the__ivorytower 2013-04-29 05:42 pm UTC (link)
	Oh man, that's awesome. I think one of our best ones was the following: "What gets better with age?" A: Preteens. (We're horrible people) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	hadesphoenix 2013-04-29 10:48 pm UTC (link)
	Oooh, I've got some. 1. " A placenta : kid-tested, mother-approved." 2. "The next popular superhero and sidekick: God and a falcon with a cap on its head ." 3. "pulling out" + "a salty surprise" = "kids with ass cancer" (Reply to this)(Parent)

	cleolinda 2013-04-29 05:32 pm UTC (link)
	To be fair, that was the ACTUAL FIRST COMMENT RIGHT OUT OF THE BOX, so I guess they didn't want to waste time on a really good insult or being reasonable on the internet or anything. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	puipui 2013-04-29 09:17 pm UTC (link)
	Herpes is the new "FIRST POST"? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ladyvyola 2013-04-29 11:38 pm UTC (link)
	What?! Nobody told me you could get herpes your first time! Woeful lack of sexual education in the schools, you have failed me again! (Reply to this)(Parent)

full_metal_ox
2013-05-03 12:05 am UTC (link)

Herpes? Really? You have all the time in the world to come up with something good, and you come up with herpes?

That's just sad.

Let's see...in the Fafhrd and Gray Mouser novella "The Lords of Quarmall", one prince of an intrigue-rife subterranean kingdom has assigned his court wizards the task of cursing his brother with a dozen simultaneous noisome degenerative diseases:

From his hours of sitting at the foot of the table, Fafhrd had learned that most of the spells were designed to inflict a noisome disease upon Gwaay: the Black Plague, the Red Plague, the Boneless Death, the Hairless Decline, the Slow Rot, the Fast Rot, the Green Rot, the Bloody Cough, the Belly Melts, the Ague, the Runs, and even the footling Nose Drip.

--Fritz Leiber and Harry Fischer, "The Lords of Quarmall"

(The sorcerers protecting Gwaay from this biomagical assault wind up being suddenly wiped out en masse by friendly fire; suffice to say that Little Bro does not get to leave a good-looking corpse.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	justjenn 2013-05-07 05:04 am UTC (link)
	It was funnier in Enochian (Reply to this)(Parent)

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