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Shia Can't Win Internet, Just Gives Up
I love that I did not even have to make up that title.

For those who are like me and frequently too lazy to click links...

Back on December 16, Shia LaBeouf (whom you may remember from such films as Monkey Business, A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, and Nymphomaniac...and I guess also that one movie series with giant-ass robots and explosions) was caught cannibalizing -- I mean, plagiarizing -- from graphic novelist Daniel Clowes. LaBeouf's 12-minute short film "HowardCantour.com" was heavily lifted from Clowes' 2007 comic book "Justin M. Damiano." When called out on it, LaBeouf appropriately apologized for his plagiarism by plagiarizing an apology posted on Yahoo!Answers over four years ago.

But wait, there's more!

LaBeouf hired a skywriting company to take his regret over his actions to dizzying heights, thereby unintentionally foreshadowing the rest of this story. He also tweeted countless apologies, which were also plagiarized from stars such as Lena Dunham, Kanye West, Russell Crowe, and Eliot Spitzer, thereby setting the Twittersphere a-twitter with mocking. Seth Rogen claimed that "this is by far the most I've been entertained by Shia LaBeouf," while Patton Oswalt marveled at the spectacle: "Not easy to pull off crazy AND moronic, but you did it, Shia LaBeouf." (Someone clearly needs to introduce Oswalt to the all-stars of Fandom Wank.) He even "had an exchange with Dunham" after she wrote: "I've always felt, utterly and unchangeably, that only sociopaths hire skywriters."

Fast-forward to earlier this week. LaBeouf somehow decided that nobody was going to catch onto the fact that the storyboard for his next short film, "Daniel Boring," was also lifted from another one of Clowes's graphic novels. Considering he didn't even have the grace to change the name from Clowes's original, it should come as no surprise that LaBeouf was C&D'd by Clowes's attorney. What is surprising is that LaBeouf posted the letter on Twitter in what I assume must be a desperate cry for help from the Galileo Defense.

But the Galileo Defense only turned, looked at him, and mouthed: No.

On January 10, LaBeouf posted a tearful Twitter farewell:

Taken from the article linked at the top of the post.

...which he then proceeded to break 14 hours later with a picture of what looks like the skywritten hashtag #stopcreating:

Brave the Yahoo comments if you dare. Or just enjoy what a friend culled for me!

Completely missing the point of the post:

Good for him, I admire in what shia is doing, he's not like any other man in this world getting oscars or golden globes forget about those well recognized trashy hollywood stars. Shia likes to live a normal life like any of us, and that's the reason why i like him for who he is.If he chooses to back away from the spotlight let him be that's what he chooses to do. Good luck in anything you do Shia, i will be rooting for you!

Multiple burns:

I feel truly sorry for anyone who has to borrow Kanye West's words over their own.

***

When he comes back next week can I sue him for breach of contract? He has made the offer to leave public life and I accept. Offer and acceptance! A contract has been formed. Too funny that he uses the phrase "artistic integrity." He is not an artist and seems to have no integrity!

Not sure if troll or actual idiot Yah:

Shia's artistic integrity is now the messiah:

And no plagiarism story would be complete without the ~~false-and-failtastic~~ tried-and-true Cassie Cla(i)re defense, taken from this earlier article on the sordid affair:

ETA: The apology to Clowes was skywritten over Los Angeles...but Clowes lives in the Bay Area.

More details on LaBeouf vs. Dunham.

ETA #2: LaBeouf to possibly hold a repentance-themed performance art show at a Los Angeles art gallery. Just when you thought this guy couldn't be any more of a drama queen...

(Post a new comment)

	ladyvyola 2014-01-11 01:39 am UTC (link)
	hook-nosed "consultants" Oh, goody, bonus anti-Semitism from defender Joey. Just when I was enjoying the CC defense, too. He was stoned! He was drunk! He was on the moon with Steve! (Reply to this)(Thread)

	cinnamonical 2014-01-11 02:01 am UTC (link)
	Oh my gods, I totally missed that. That just adds a new layer of "wow" to that comment. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	phosfate 2014-01-11 01:40 am UTC (link)
	I thought the skywriting was somebody's internet gag. Oh my God. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	cinnamonical 2014-01-11 02:04 am UTC (link)
	Even better -- the apology was skywritten over Los Angeles, but Clowes lives in the Bay Area and thus was completely unable to see said apology. This really does take Heidipologies to new heights. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	phosfate 2014-01-11 05:45 pm UTC (link)
	Ohhhhhhh dear. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	keri 2014-01-11 02:21 am UTC (link)
	no i can't do it i can't stop going lolololololololol at this whole thing. i'm not sorry. (Reply to this)

	rosehiptea 2014-01-11 02:31 am UTC (link)
	When I saw he quit the internet I thought it was because he was sick of "Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf." (I know, old meme, but somebody had to say it.) (Reply to this)

	bienegold 2014-01-11 08:12 am UTC (link)
	Now all we have to do is to get him to quit acting, too. Come on, internet! We're so close! (Reply to this)(Thread)

	wankismyfandom 2014-01-11 10:38 am UTC (link)
	He ever started? (Reply to this)(Parent)

	brennalarose 2014-01-11 10:02 pm UTC (link)
	To think, I had a crush on him growing up... Why are the cute ones always married, gay, clergy or utter fucknuts? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	ekaterinv 2014-01-12 01:45 am UTC (link)
	... they're not. But if you put this skeezy douchenozzle in the "cute" category, we obviously have completely different definitions of "cute". (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	brennalarose 2014-01-12 08:38 pm UTC (link)
	Physically, I find him attractive. I like scruffy, and vaguely youthful as much as I like well-groomed and mature. Mentally and emotionally, I want to kick him down the stairs. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	agent_hyatt 2014-01-12 12:34 am UTC (link)
	This- can't be real, right? He can't really be that stupid repeatedly, right? This has to be an elaborate joke/publicity stunt that everyone he's plagiarized is in on. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	rosehiptea 2014-01-12 12:51 am UTC (link)
	I'm pretty sure you're right about the "publicity stunt" part. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	ekaterinv 2014-01-12 01:46 am UTC (link)
	How much celebrity gossip do you read? This is actually not surprising from him. No, that's not true; what's surprising from him is that he can read well enough to plagiarize in the first place. He was a child star. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	annathepiper 2014-01-12 02:48 am UTC (link)
	I'm still rather in awe of the interview he gave in which he asserted that "authorship is censorship"</a>. Wait, did I say awe? I meant "disgust". (Reply to this)(Thread)

	omgpolarbear 2014-01-12 12:26 pm UTC (link)
	I'm still in awe of the fact that half of what he answers is stolen from other, more intelligent people, yet he still manages to sound like a stoned teenager. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	annathepiper 2014-01-12 07:28 pm UTC (link)
	I'd say that takes a particular special kind of talent, but I'm pretty sure 'talent' isn't entering into this equation ANYWHERE. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	bobafeis 2014-01-12 03:12 am UTC (link)
	The skywriting mishap seems to cement that he really is that clueless, but there will always be some small part of me that believes he saw people like Misha Collins and Orlando Jones and said to himself, "Hey, I want to be like that!" (Reply to this)(Thread)

	taktuk 2014-01-15 12:55 pm UTC (link)
	Wouldn't that requite a modicum of talent? (Reply to this)(Parent)

	kumquat_of_doom 2014-01-25 12:12 am UTC (link)
	Aaaaand now he's plagiarising HIMSELF by getting into a fight in the same bar he already got into a fight in! I don't know how he finds the time, I really don't. (Reply to this)