Now imagine if George Lucas has in addition to making those changes, stated Chewbacca was actually canonically a lesbian and changed the scenes to make that very obvious, as well as claimed the Jedi’s goal was to oversee the development of humanity according to the Force and lead them into the light through taking over the Empire.

Actually, I think it's more like someone took the Special Editions and then cut them up into a version where Han shot first, that whole scene with the stupid cartoon Jabba doesn't exist, and all the special effects look like they were made in the 70's. But maybe that's just me talking like a person who refuses to re-watch the Special Editions.

I would totally watch a version where Chewbacca is a lesbian, though. Tilda would rock that wookie costume like whoa OMG.