Log In

Home
    - Create Journal
    - Update
    - Download

LiveJournal
    - News
    - Paid Accounts
    - Contributors

Customize
    - Customize Journal
    - Create Style
    - Edit Style

Find Users
    - Random!
    - By Region
    - By Interest
    - Search

Edit ...
    - Personal Info &
      Settings
    - Your Friends
    - Old Entries
    - Your Pictures
    - Your Password

Developer Area

Need Help?
    - Lost Password?
    - Freq. Asked
      Questions
    - Support Area



Bethan ([info]kumquat_of_doom) wrote in [info]fandom_wank,
@ 2014-09-03 00:26:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:enchanted
Entry tags:author entitlement, books/authors, reviews, self-publishing

If you go down to the reviews today, you're in for a big surprise...
TidBITS, a site which bills itself as presenting the highlights of coverage of Apple products including their iBooks, hosts a mildly amusing and, actually, not particularly negative review of what seems to be a self-published mystery novel called Venice Under Glass, by one Stephan J Harper.

The review includes some comments on the author's use (or lack thereof) of the interactive features available to iBook authors, which become relevant very shortly later.

Now you could be forgiven for thinking that there the matter would rest, but this... is... FANDOM WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!

*cough* Sorry, sorry, had to get that out of my system. Old meme, won't happen again.

The said Stephan J Harper shows up in the very first comment, and proceeds to go ABSOLUTELY RAVING BATSHIT.

For three-hundred and eight comments, and counting.

(He doesn't even bother to say 'First post!')

A few highlights, in no particular order:
- Possible sockpuppetry (including what I strongly suspect is the author reviewing his own work under a false name)
- Winnie the Pooh jokes
- The author comparing himself to Keats and Fitzgerald
- And accusations of plagiarism, oh my!

There's even a whole thread of haiku. This one's my favourite.

As of posting, he's still going -- oh, and did I mention?

The cast of Stephan J Harper's magnum opus, the epic masterpiece of high literature that he claims to have been working on since 1997... are cuddly teddy bears. Every single one of them.

Feel Stephan J Harper's tiny ursine fury, folks.

Feel it.




Bonus: the Wankee claims to be nearly sixty-four years old.


(Post a new comment)


[info]cinnamonical
2014-09-03 12:31 am UTC (link)
Fuck the wank, "tiny ursine fury" is my new favorite phrase.

(Reply to this)


[info]duraniedrama
2014-09-03 12:44 am UTC (link)
When the entire first thread is the author replying to himself over and over again, you know you're in for a most fascinating time.

(Reply to this)


[info]spawn_of_kong
2014-09-03 12:47 am UTC (link)
♫ At six-o'clock, their mommies and daddies
All take them off the 'Net,
Because they're tired-from-wanking teddy bears. ♫

...Yeah, that's all I've got right now.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tez
2014-09-03 03:43 am UTC (link)
Well played.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]kumquat_of_doom
2014-09-10 09:01 pm UTC (link)
Not gonna lie, I was hoping someone would take that and run with it.

*applause*

Well played.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]totchipanda
2014-09-03 01:25 am UTC (link)
Any other Canadians picture this as having been written by our Prime Minister? That makes it 10x more hilarious!

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]tez
2014-09-03 03:46 am UTC (link)
Canadian politicians raging in tiny ursine fury?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]the__ivorytower
2014-09-03 02:39 pm UTC (link)
Stephen Harper is embarrassing as is, so it's entirely within his realm of possibility.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]esther_a
2014-09-03 03:12 am UTC (link)
Wait, I saw a link to this two days ago. He's still going!? Is he trying for some kind of dramallama marathon?

(Reply to this)


[info]mistal
2014-09-03 03:23 am UTC (link)
I half expected a comment along the lines of "I'm the Prime Minister of Canada! I demand you remove this review!!". Way to not capitalize on his name...

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]quantumreality
2014-09-03 08:43 am UTC (link)
My icon, that is all. XD

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]tez
2014-09-03 03:45 am UTC (link)
Tiny ursine fury. Tiny FUZZY ursine fury.

Truly amazing.

(Reply to this)


[info]annathepiper
2014-09-03 05:27 am UTC (link)
Good lord. Yeah, I saw this a couple days ago too, linked on LJ.

I gotta give the guy props for his commenting stamina!

(Reply to this)


[info]cmdr_zoom
2014-09-03 06:09 am UTC (link)
my god. this is... something.

(Reply to this)


[info]quantumreality
2014-09-03 08:43 am UTC (link)
When I see "Stephan J Harper" I keep thinking of Stephen Harper, Canadian PM.

(Reply to this)


[info]jaseroque
2014-09-03 08:55 am UTC (link)
Oh my god. Second-hand embarrassment everywhere. I will be embarrassed for him since he seems to have forgotten how.

(Reply to this)


[info]solelyfictional
2014-09-03 09:54 am UTC (link)
Does he quote the entire book in the comments? Half the things he quotes do seem to match the descriptions. I'm sure Hardy Boys has lots of scenes in which seemingly deep friendships are forged quickly but turn out to be false.

(Reply to this)


[info]keri
2014-09-03 01:24 pm UTC (link)
I see your post fails to point out one of the most amazing things:

Harper's first comment was posted in May. It is now September and he's still posting.

I didn't scroll through the middle to see if he had a gap, but I'd be surprised if there is.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]annathepiper
2014-09-03 02:40 pm UTC (link)
Oh god I missed that part. I'm stunned, stunned I tell you, that he hasn't been banned from posting on the site yet.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]nounbeast
2014-09-03 06:03 pm UTC (link)
When I first saw it last week he'd gassed out sometime early June. But it looks like people came in to stir the pot further, resulting in a brand new wave of indignant rage.

It was probably a reply to an old comment of his or its sudden rapid spread across social media the other day that brought him back, but I like to imagine he regularly checks the page for any new "trolls" so he can "show them their place", since he seems to have appointed himself chief of the People Who Don't Like Me Or My Writing Police Department.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]anthologia
2014-09-03 11:16 pm UTC (link)
'Your critique has no merit. I suppose you find this construction problematic as well: "...the orchestra is playing yellow cocktail music."'

Did... did I miss something? Was that a joke or does he actually think that makes sense?

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]sailorcoruscant
2014-09-04 01:41 am UTC (link)
I think he feels that FS Fitzgerald could do no wrong. I haven't read Gatsby, but I suspect in the hands of a skilled writer, such 'colourful' use of language would be properly evocative, rather than the weirdness it appears to be here.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]rosehiptea
2014-09-09 02:52 am UTC (link)
I read Gatsby a long time ago, and I'll admit I actually like that turn of phrase. (Not that I remembered it after all this time.)

But this guy could be a writer better than FS Fitzgerald and it would still be stupid to comment on his own reviews.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]spawn_of_kong
2014-09-04 01:31 am UTC (link)
Because such a phrase as "tiny ursine fury" deserves to be iconned...

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]brennalarose
2014-09-04 02:28 am UTC (link)
That shrill sound that just shattered every wine glass on the Eastern Seaboard of the US was me, squeeing and trying not to snuggle that baby bear to bits.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]spawn_of_kong
2014-09-04 02:51 am UTC (link)
What's that? Did someone say more adorable bears?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]cinnamonical
2014-09-04 10:40 pm UTC (link)
My own contribution to iconning:

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]thoms
2014-09-06 10:38 pm UTC (link)
YESSSS

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]kumquat_of_doom
2014-09-10 08:54 pm UTC (link)
omg it is a teddiursa

:D

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]kumquat_of_doom
2014-09-10 08:52 pm UTC (link)
Eeee!

I've never had one of my quotes iconned before. :D

Thank you!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]kelp
2014-09-04 06:06 am UTC (link)
Whoa. That's some Olympic level wanking right there. What stamina!

(Reply to this)


[info]lissibith
2014-09-04 12:28 pm UTC (link)
It's been so hard not to reply to his calling my opinion out in the comments these past months. Amusing though.

(Reply to this)


[info]solelyfictional
2014-09-04 08:06 pm UTC (link)
Aw, they closed the comments on the article because Harper was overstepping. Which is impressive considering everything he's already written.

(Reply to this)


[info]soc_puppet
2014-09-05 12:08 am UTC (link)
I keep misreading "tiny ursine fury" as "tiny ursine fairy", which would a) be adorable, and b) probably have good reason to be pissed off.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]spawn_of_kong
2014-09-05 02:06 am UTC (link)
I misread it at first as "tiny ursine furry," which, given the context, doesn't seem that off the mark TBH.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]soc_puppet
2014-09-05 02:23 am UTC (link)
Yeah, that definitely makes more sense. Though I did receive a fanfic not long ago where the MotW was a small contingent of furies, and I kept misreading that as furries. I still have to correct myself on re-reads. The fact that it was pet!fic didn't really help in that respect.

I also have trouble with "puree". My brain insists it should be poo-ray, like a gun that fires or turns things into excrement, but at the same time I know it's pyoo-ray. All too often, I end up getting tangled in the middle and attempting to pronounce it proo-ray.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]hopsandbarley
2014-09-05 06:20 pm UTC (link)
TEDDY BEAR FAIRIES

If this isn't a line of kids' toys with a tie-in cartoon already, it should be.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]soc_puppet
2014-09-05 06:55 pm UTC (link)
I know, right? Sadly, the closest I have at the moment is a bearbee that I don't even have the pattern posted for yet. I'm pretty sure I still have the pattern itself (though I could probably stand to re-make it anyway even if I don't), just not posted.

Still, the possibilities. I could make a shitton of money. And there is that kids toy fair coming up that I'm already going to be sending stuff to; hmmm...

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]cmdr_zoom
2014-09-06 02:22 am UTC (link)
They make their own hunny?

(what am I saying, of course they do.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]yoritomo_reiko
2014-09-07 05:37 pm UTC (link)
The closest I can come is two of The Wuzzles: Bumblion (half bee, half lion) and Butterbear (half butterfly, half bear).

Do not ask how I remembered the name of that cartoon. My mind is a strange and terrible place.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]annepackrat
2014-09-07 07:41 am UTC (link)
Man I wish comments were still open. I want to give some of this guys prose to my English professor dad and see what he has to say about that.

(Reply to this)


[info]seiberwing
2014-09-07 02:58 pm UTC (link)
It's some unwritten rule that authors who compulsively refer to their books in ALL CAPS are arrogant and overattached to their creations.

You are wrong, sir. The name of that character is "Basil of Baker Street" NOT "Basil Baker" and just to PROVE this to you, DISNEY OWNS THE RIGHTS TO BASIL OF BAKER STREET and has known about my creation (Basil Baker; Venice Under Glass) since 1999 when their interactive division expressed interest in licensing a video game ("Venice Under Glass") that was being developed with the storyline and characters of MY CREATION. Furthermore, Basil of Baker Street is wholly derivative of and dependent on the Sherlock Holmes oeuvre (the mouse protagonist lives in Holmes' basement for godsakes!) Don't you think Disney would have something to say if your ignorant supposition were remotely true?

Sure they were. Also thank you for reminding me of Basil of Baker Street, which was a much better series of children's novels/film literature/thing which totally should have been in Kingdom Hearts.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]seiberwing
2014-09-07 03:00 pm UTC (link)
Tell us Andrew when you write something as original as this (from the novel):

...There were over a hundred roses—nearly a hundred and a half! It was over the top. Cordelia kissed me on the cheek then whispered in my ear.

"I especially loved your card, Basil."

"But I didn't..." I started, until Cordelia, singing to herself in the hall mirror, handed me the card over her shoulder. It was unusually ornate for a paper trifle: it held an elaborate gold gilt pattern and the personal greeting inside was as if someone has dipped a very expensive fountain pen into a pot of liquid gold and wrote this haiku:

In Venetian cold
Winter yearning for the Spring
Hunger Needs Romance

It was signed simply "An Admirer."

The I AM SO ORIGINAL LOOK HOW ORIGINAL I AM YOU COULD NEVER BE AS ORIGINAL AS THIS reminds me of the Last Blood guy.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]rosehiptea
2014-09-09 02:56 am UTC (link)
That writing is actually better than what I expected to see. Not that I want to read the book, especially if it has teddy bear sex in it and now I think I'll go lie down until the mental image goes away.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]msmanna
2014-09-25 03:42 pm UTC (link)
Oh, it's always a good day when I check up on fandom_wank and there's a new post.

Author wank never gets old. Although for some reason it seems weird to find such hysterical overblown defense of such middle-of-the-road prose. I was expecting 'fear the venom cock' bad, but actually it's...okay. Not brilliant, not awful, just okay.

On the other hand, it's perfectly average prose about teddy bear crime, so I suppose that makes up for it.

(Reply to this)

  
   
Privacy Policy - COPPA
Legal Disclaimer - Site Map