Harry Potter mini-wank!
Newbie, first wank... just a small one:

So pottersues posts a rather odious little story called Dark Phoenix; its heroine, the beautiful Kaila Kerryda Riddle, is Voldemort's daughter but doesn't know it, her evil foster-father abuses her, and all the kids at school hate her because she's so gorgeous and perfect she makes them all look bad. Then comes... *gasp!*... the magical day when she gets to go to Hogwarts, where she will surely be perfect and beloved and steal Draco's heart or something; I wouldn't know, as there are only three chapters at present.

Anyway, examining the reviews for this story proves to be a pleasant surprise; rather than being of the "OMGWTFBBQ THIS IS LYKE SO TOTALLY AWESOME RITE MORE AND PUT ME IN THE STORY111111exclamationpoint" variety, her reviewers are actually sane and point out to her that the story is rather awful and the main character a Mary-Sue. Most of them are quite polite and constructive about it.

What makes this a mini-wank, then? Well, for one thing, there's an interesting new variation on Sue-blindness, which takes the form of the line: Even my mum says that Kaila isn't a Mary-Sue! I'd say something mocking here, but I think that line really speaks for itself... who the heck goes to their mother for a critique?

And then we have the following entry in the culprit's blog:

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING CRITICISED IN MY FANFIC! WHY? 'COS EVERYBODY SAYS THAT IT SUCKS, VOLDEMORT CAN'T HAVE ANY CHILDREN AND THEN THEY SAY THAT IT'S THE WORST MARY-SUE FIC THEY'VE EVERY READ. COME ON, I MEAN LIKE, HELLO? DO YOU THINK THAT I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT BEFORE? AND THEY SAY THEY WANT 'CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT' HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? I'M NINE FOR GODS SAKE! THEY'D PROBABLY THINK, HA HA LAME EXCUSE, HOW COULD YOU BE NINE? GO READ MY REVIEWS, READ MY FIC. SEE WHETHER YOU AGREE. IF YOU DO, THEN SHUT UP! DON'T REVIEW I MEAN LIKE, I COULD, AND EVERY WRITER COULD, DO WITH ONE LESS FUCKING FLAME.

KAILA

Not only are Mary-Sues all the same, so are their authors.