Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

12:47am: Mary Sue/Harry Potter/Fanfiction Wank, all rolled into one neat package!
A friend of mine, seeing so many Harry Potter Mary Sues being reported on the Mary Sue LJ community, decided to take matters into her own hands and create PotterSues, an LJ just for her to report the *huge* backlog she had of HP Sues. This in and of itself doesn't constitute wank - at least not to me, because I thought it was damned funny - but...

It's all fun and games until one of your featured Sues finds your journal and starts emo-ing at you!

The fun doesn't start until about half-way down the page, when the author replies - look for the one named "theironyofitall" or something similar. *the real irony is that that LJ user name is remarkably similar to that of the girl who created PotterSues. No, the two aren't connected, I just thought it was funny as all hell* From there you get roughly ten people jumping on the little emo-goth-tart and telling her everything from Sweetie, dearest heart, you should get a beta and improve your writing skills to Hey, don't bash the whiny Mary Sue Author! That would be *mean*! to You need to die and burn in hell and never besmirch the face of the internet again! Actually, *most* of the comments are like the last one there. Then someone rolls in to defend the poor, depressed authoress...

Choice bit of wank from the author:
Ok, ok.... I know It's lame, and I can't spell and you guys are probably perfect spellers and authors and Harry Potter fanatics...But I'm not okay?
Do you really have to be so cruel? Honestly?
Why can't you just help someone as fucked up and stupid as myself? It's glaringly obvious I need help...Jesus.
I don't see why you all have to be so horrible to me. It really hurts. It isn't my fault I'm not good okay.
It's my first ever story...give me a break.

9:59am: Comicfic is positively RIPE with wank, did you know?
For instance, take this guy. He is so wanky (in the classic sense of self-obliviously righteous pseudo-intellectual wankery, which is my favorite kind!) that there was once a journal devoted specifically to parodying his posts. (Yes, Wank Will Eat Itself!) He is like a volcano of wank. He lies deceptively dormant for aeons, and then BOOM there goes Pompeii. Worth waiting for, really.

Anyhow, observe the latest. I would summarize this as "I write fanfic and I regularly attend out-of-country fanfic conventions and a good portion of my life revolves around other fanficcers BUT I AM NOT A FEEELTHY 'FAN' -- I am an ARTISTE, god damn it, and though you slope-browed troglodytes may have Friended my journal you are not sapient enough to comprehend the difference. Feh. Feh, I say. Please argue with me, I'm not done being superior yet."

And then FritoKal weighs in and, uh, my eyes started bleeding at about that point, so I'll let somebody else tackle that. But do NOT let her distract you! Do not lose sight of the original wank: "I'm not a fan (despite mountains of evidence to the contrary) because fans suck and I'm really quite impossibly cool." Try to get your brain around that. I'm still trying. Guess I'm a troglodyte. Ook.

(EDIT: Whoops! I've just been told that at least one of that unholy brood monitors F_W, so expect incoming haughty rebuttal in five...four...three...)