Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

1:24am: I CHALLENGE U!
Okay, so wank pretty much flows like water at any smark wrestling message board, but this is just too beautiful.

A little history, for those not in the know:
The guy who owns this message board, known as CRZ, used to write show recaps of wrestling. He quit doing it more than a year ago, presumably because it's incredibly tedious, I'm not sure. Not a big deal. He was pretty well-known in what is called the "IWC" (Internet Wrestling Community), but that is hardly a presigious thing. I mean, it's the *INTERNET WRESTLING COMMUNITY*. We're not talking about Hollywood here.

Well, apparently someone decided to challenge him to a recap showdown!

http://wienerboard.com/thread.php/id=13154

Funny enough concept in the first place, right? But the thread just increases in wankish beauty from there. It's beautiful really, and you have to love a message board thread that has a post which includes the words:

"AND WHEN IT'S ALL SAID AND DONE, I WILL REIGN VICTORIOUS, AND YOU WILL BE GAY."

You just have to.

4:37am: My first FW post, and I'm even in it. Sigh. *Hangs head*
Good old Matthew Time wank. Haven't we missed it?

For a refresher - Matthew Time is a girl who pretends to be a guy and writes RPS fic on all the boy bands together. It's one big old sex-fest with very little plot, where even incest between brothers is supposed to be all mushy and happy. Several of the characters would be considered certifiably insane to any psychotherapist, but it's all in the name of sex and love.

Enter a few of us who are not so kind in our character comments. Not slamming the author, but things the characters have said and done.

Enter those rabid Matt-fans who defend his every bodily function as a gift from God. How DARE we say anything nasty?

Also beware the pitbull/moderator who tells us if we can't play nice, she's going to take away our privledges.

My personal favorite is the comment from Matt herself where she mentions that there are people on the board who confuse real life celebrities with the characters in the story, so saying we don't like a character or what a character has done is like ATTACKING Lance himself to some people.

12:17pm: I don't even know what fandom this is, but ... WANK!
jmtorres wants YOU to know that She's not a damned gumball machine! Her gumballs are special and if you bother her one more time with your violent and v.v. threatening pointy sticks of fanfic requests, your ass is banned! And she's justhisclose to taking her toys and going home.

She's not kidding either, as humorous as the originating post seems at first glance. Just read the comments.

2:43pm: Ooh! Ooh!
( Boondocks can wank, too! )

2:49pm: A-borka borka borka!
I blame summer. People are hot and sticky so they resort to cannibalism to ease the boredom.

I offer you Proopdog.com, the official website for comic and C-level celebrity Greg Proops. Watch as a simple question about upcoming dates turns into a critique of "I'm with the band," mentality, baby talk, website design, Canadian music groups, German insults and sock puppetry.

It's been oft-observed, but it's still baffling how my fandom manages to have no sense of humor whatsoever. *points and laughs at self*

2:57pm: FFML Wank... Like It's In Short Supply
I thought I'd post up this wank-tastic reply to C&C to what may or may not have been an Eva troll-fic... or just a bad one. It's all here, people... "Brush up on your other languages", "English isn't my first language so I'll screw it up all I want spank you very much"... TASTE THE WANKY FLAVA! Courtesy of Aeon Flux... no, not the anime, just someone with an unimaginative penname.
(Unfortunately, since it's an email list, all I can do is C&P the reply, so it's kinda long...)

( The wanks are flowing backwards! )

6:27pm: Mmmm, Girl Gamer Videogame Wanky Goodness.
So a friend links me to a very nice article: Genderplay: Successes and Failures in Character Designs for Videogames.

The article itself, for the subject matter, is almost completely free of wank. The journalist posts on the bouncy busted girls of DoAXBV or Lara Croft not as being 'bad' or any such thing: She comments that the *marketting* of said games is one that aimed primarially at guys, and this may have robbed them of some players. Never once does she get feminist: She says that most of these games are still fun to play, but because they're aimed mostly at guys, they're not gonna get full audience. Or she says that the inclusion of bizarrely oversexed characters can sometimes ruin the mood they're going for (The jiggly breasts of the barkeep in Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance spoiling the horror movie feel, for example, by making the audience laugh).

Cool, I thought. A well thought-out essay on girls in video games that ISN'T scarily feminist. Nice.

And then I scrolled down.

The first few comments (Which I can't link individually, alas) were intelligent or at least agreeable. But soon...

"I'm somewhat tired of people complaining about Phalic objects. Yes a joystick looks like a penis, but would you rather have a controller shaped like a vagina? "

"go play with your dolls. and make me a sandwich!"

"i think many games are for women. for instance, extreme beach volleyball has naked guys in it. so there. "

"YOU WILL ALL BURN IN HELL FOR PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. ALL OF YOU. DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE LIVES!!"

Between the guys wanking on how IF it had naked guys she'd be okay, the trolls, and the people trying to dig up details of her personal life to claim she has no right to try to 'desexualize' games (as if that's what she's doing)... I think I need to go wash my face. I can hardly see for all the jism.

EDIT: I meant 'militantly feminist', not 'feminist'. I need more sleep. >_>

7:07pm: awwww......
A short intermission for everyone who is a fan of the one and only Squidwarts:

you knew it had to be out there somewhere!

OTP! Theirloveissobubble-bathfuelled!!!!1!!!one!

10:28pm: sweet bippy?!?
I don't know if there are any Fandoms That Shall Not Be Wanked...but I haven't seen this one around here. I don't know if there's a reason for that - if so, let me know and I shall bow out gracefully. Well...at least try to. ;P

( I quote: You can bet your sweey bippy I don't )

10:29pm: And the Sailor Moon wank saga continues.
Here we go again!

Really. Sailor Moon Sues is still reeling from the recent Sailor Pandora wank, and we already see more random folks coming in to say "you should be constructive and not meeeeeean!" and "okay, where's your otaku senshi, miss know-it-all?" Argh.

And I was the first person to reply to this wanker, too. Should I be proud, or should I be slitting my wrists?