Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

1:08am: This link was emailed to me this evening. I must say, though it's not fandom, it's some damn good animal rights wank, which is usually at least as amusing.

Eleven pages and counting.

1:57am: My First wank!
Not quite fandom, but definitely wank.

azbutt3rfly over in the Dachsunds community wanted to know why people keep journals for their dogs, as if the dog had written it. A reasonable question, and one I've wondered myself.

But the moment she started her post with the line "not meaning to piss in anyone's Wheaties or anything, but"... I knew the wank was brewing.

Special points for using the phrase "...but I feel like drooling all over my keyboard and poking my eyeballs with a rusty screwdriver" (although she is quoting there) and then claiming not to understand why some people found her post derogatory.

10:59am: Nice to see the Potterwank goes all around.
In one corner, folks, we have the movie studios, waxing wanky about losing their pocket change . . .

In the opposite corner, fans see spoiler pictures from PoA and turn on the director faster than you can say sexy!Draco! Again! (Hell, that's just the HPANA comments, though the quote in the article itself is like a pure concentrated dose of wank. I'm afraid to look at any other message boards or anything. If you do, share! Share!)

12:48pm: It's good to see that it's not just the Christian fundamentalists who hate Potter

Harry Potter banned in Saudi Arabia

' Sep 9, 2002 (M2 Best Books via COMTEX) -- Harry Potter books are causing more controversy - this time in Saudi Arabia - where all copies have reportedly been removed from shop shelves due to objections claiming that they contain an occult/Satanic theme, violence and have an anti-family approach. It is likely that the ban will be made permanent - much to the disappointment of book sales managers who say it was a best-selling series amongst most nationalities. Parents' views tend to be split on this subject - some love it because it encourages children to read whilst others tend to agree with the objections and think that the books promote devil worship and a belief in the netherworld. This is not the first time that JK Rowling's Harry Potter has been removed from the shelves - the books have already been banned in the Philippines and Malaysia.'

12:54pm: Blade Runner Wank
My living room is a bastion of nerd-wank.

The other night my boyfriend and friend started watching Bladerunner at about 1AM. They kept repeatedly pausing it and rewinding it and cross-referencing it with Philip K. Dick's 'Do Androids Dream of Electronic Sheep?', then discussing the moral and philosophical implications of the post-apocalyptic world and androids. Then they watched a documentary on the matter.

I eventually crawled into bed around 5AM. I woke up five and a half hours later.

They were still awake AND still discussing Harrison Ford's role as an android.

10 and a half hours of bladerunner wank. In my own house.

I feel disconcerted...

1:27pm: This Is The Wank That Doesn't End, It Just Goes On And On My Friend.
See Harry Potter Fandom.

See Harry Potter Fandom Wank.

Wank, Harry Potter Fandom, Wank!

2:08pm: I've created potc_canon_fic! It's a community for fiction that adheres to canon. So, no slash or anything of the sort.

Later: I didn't mean no slash! That was just a mistake. I'm not homophobic! I'm fucking bi!

Thanks for your support. Now everyone hates me. Cheer up, Lady Doom. Here's a cookie for being bi. :p

3:42pm: I AM AN INNOCENT WRONGED!1! ::GASP GASP::
This is a bit of a milestone post for me-- the first time I act as both wank witness at Fandom Wank AND Bukkake victim/perpetrator. This is a pretty small wank, but kind of fun. For one thing, the noble name of Fandom Wank was tossed back and forth several times with increasing acrimony. Not to mention, it's a **classic** case of trigger-happy mods and people who can give it but can't take it at all.

( And I will get this LJ-cut thing right. Eventually. Yes. Someday I shall. )

4:05pm: Garfield Wank
Behold, the Garfield movie! Wank ensues below. Highlights include Grammar Bitching, Brit vs. American spelling, and "Garfield's sucked ever since he went mainstream!"

Me, I've never actually liked Garfield. I'm just here for the wank.

6:13pm: ~ Hee! ~
I know, I was just as shocked as ya'll.

Remember the psycho who devoured the carcass of her poor dead pet bunny that we were talking about earlier today? Yeah, it was kinda sorta just a little bit bullshit.

siamang, in the interest of fairness, offers up 10 different scenarios for her previous post, ranging from:

I found one of my rabbits dead and I buried her in a friend's backyard. I wrote a story about cooking and eating her in a ritual of honor, because I wish I was able to do that without endangering my health by consuming unknown quality meat.

to

I wrote it because I wanted to push people out of their comfort zone. I wrote it because I wanted to share an alternative method I used for dealing with the loss of a loved pet. I wrote it because I wanted to piss people off. I wrote it because I was bored and wanted something to read. I wrote it because I was desperate for attention.

Yeah. Ummkay...

10:47pm: A few weeks ago, I solicited submissions for a f_w icon website/gallery.

You may find the preliminary "What the shit is this?" page here, and a miscellany page here.

Please let me know if you see anything amiss!

11:10pm: Fresh Jhonen Vasquez wank! Two for a dolla!
Allison sez: All you posers who buy your comics/shirts/whatever at Hot Topic aren't supporting Jhonen! Go to Slavelabor.com, you ungrateful fucks!

Fans respond with....

So, um, care to be less of a condescending asswipe, mayhap?
the ever popular: But they're so hard to find, and not all of us have credit caaaaards!
my personal favorite: Aw, you poor hate-filled teenager you. It's okay, I hated the world when I was sixteen, too.

....and much, much more!

(Though, personally, I'm just incredibly disturbed that this Allison person has been reading Johnny the Homicidal Maniac since she was in third grade. Erm, parents? Where were you during this time?)

11:10pm: Fetch Me My Oriental Penis! or, The Wanker's Progress
( A play in three acts. )

I spent days unable to physically move. I didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t breathe. I just lay on the floor trying to scrape myself back together. It was months before I finally returned, only to find that no one knew why I had disappeared.

This is my favorite paragraph in all of American literature.