Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

3:47am: I come bearing wank...
It's Enterprise wank!

(With thanks and cookies to hotpinkdragones for giving me fuller info on this one.)

Once upon a time, there was a TV show. And it was watched by 'shippers. And lo, the Powers That Be saw these 'shippers, and saw that it was Bad. And they did say that in Season 3, there would be Trip/T'Pol...

Now, there are 'ship wars in all fanda. Tis their way. But this one becomes wankier than usual when one side (the Archer/T'Pol gang) obtain the phone number of the TV company (Paramount). The number is distributed, and angry calls are made to writers.

But wait! It gets wankier...

The Trip/T'Pol gang hear of this. How? Because they have spies. Yes, spies. Spies to spy on the rival 'shippers, to join their mailing lists and generally... spy on them. So the number is given out among them, and yet more phone calls are made...


(Bah. Everyone knows that Archer/Porthos is the One True Pairing...)


hp's original post is here and wankers can be found on The Internet.

9:58am: hide would be rolling in his... uh... grave
My first wank ever. *sniff* I'm so proud. Hope this passes muster...

So, on a J-rock board, the original poster is all excited about wanting to see hide live... (for the uninitiated, hide died 5 or 6 years ago.)

There are some polite corrections made, until missy decides to exercise the mighty power of sarcasm. Die is offended, despite the fact that he thinks this would be really funny.

Then missy starts replying, and it just gets ridiculous. :P

2:45pm: Trekjournals and LJ Data Drama!
Livejournal's BabsBunny proves once and for all why its useless to plot sockpuppets in TrekJournals. Apparentely she took over the character of Commander Data and all was well in Sockpuppet land...until Data's new friends arrived...friends of the cute and furry type.

Okay, so here is what we did. We went into the lounge, and everyone thought we looked funny. I think we scared people. But that is alright, because I found that oddly amusing.:) Then Alpine starting jumping up and down and singing about holes and so then I joined in. We ran around in circles singing the song and then Alpine jumped on a nearby table....where the ship's doctor was seated. I do not think she found me and Alpine as amusing as we did.

Then we went to the replicator and started replicating weird things out of it like eyes and slime until the bartender told us to stop. I do not think it was the eyeballs so much as the fact the we got into a foodfight with them.

So then we went to the holodeck and simulated a game that was very popular in the early 21st century, known as Dance Dance Revolution. Alpine is amazed as I am able to get a perfect score on the most involved levels. We had fun though, and he does not get upset that I am very good at the game. This is a nice change of pace.

I would like to run around with Alpine some more! He is crazyfun! And though I cannot feel the effects, I have become rather accustomed to the taste of Jolt. And I can simulate the hyperactive results all by myself. So it all works out.

Then quite soon after, Data forgot about the Universe of Trekjournals, and well....

Furry Sex

Once the elite at Trekplotters read this, realized that they would now have to work in Data's strange behavior into their great universe, and well naturally there was a little 'squabble'...and here's the fallout:

On another note, I don't like Star Trek. And for the most part, me and online Trekkies don't get along. This is not a blanket statement however, because there are quite a few folks that I DO get along with. But there are those I don't and meh. So like an idiot I decid to try my hand out in this TNG RPG thingie and I wound up as Data (yay?) and then Alpine and a couple of other folks got into the act and I started interacting with him and we started getting into our own adventures. And then all hell breaks loose because I can't remember anyone else's name in the show so I just stumble along with that, and apparently I'm not playing Data right or whatever so even more hell breaks loose and it turns into one of those vicious..THINGS!!! The way I see it, it's all in fun. I'm enjoying myself. But I guess that sorta doesn't work so once again, meh.

The worst thing about this is the fact that I'm somewhat kicking myself about this because come ON!!!! It's a STAR TREK thing. I hate Star Trek!!! I have a borderline phobia about the freaking thing!! And I go ahead and join a freaking TREK RPG? yeah, good thinking there, Babs. But..well, I got to be Data. And I like Data. And I have fun. And well....crap. [...] Besides, I've learned my lesson a long time ago to never argue with die-hards. Major no-no. Just agree....and move on..and back away slowly...o.O

And lets not forget...

OOC: Okay, there are a couple of idiots out there who choose to try and stir up trouble over this stupid LJ thing that's taken place. First off, I know who you are, and second, grow the hell up. You have something to say to me, you say it to my face instead of starting trouble on a damn message board. In addition, here's my two cents on this whole issue: There IS no issue. Things didn't work out with me and the Trekjournal community. We parted ways, Alpine extricated himself from those people, they have a new person to play their Data, I still have this journal, everyone is satisfied. I'm having more fun on my own playing with my friends than I did with those trek people anyway, and on the flip side, they have a plot to go on thanks to me and Alpine. And now they have one of their folks to play Data. So everyone is happy, and the situation ended amicably, and I'm still friends with folks over there. Why the hell do you want to start trouble for? You don't like me or the way I play Data? You don't have to, and you don't have to read this journal. So quit being a kindergartener and leave me and my friends alone.

Now her friends jump in here

And lets not forget the visits to Capt Picard's journal, where even the RL people behing these characters jump in for a round:

Babs returns in the comments !

'Alpine' throws a diva fit and alara_r is faced with having to explain the entire history of Data's malfunctionning furry.

Who's worse? BabsBunny for inventing the tale of Data and the furries? Or the gang at trekplotters for taking Sockpuppetting far too seriousely?

8:22pm: The only one who could ever teach me . . .
Real-life wank is a FANTASTIC substitute for online fandom, let me tell you.

Now, the "customers_suck" community over on LiveJournal is pretty inherently wanky: people go there to rant and rave about how much working retail blows, and, more specifically, commisserate with one another about their worst customers. There's a lot of bitching that occurs, some people are less tolerant and worthy of sympathy than others, yadda yadda, but one thing brings them all together, and that's a common bond for hating that disturbingly large aspect of the human race that goes shopping.

(Say it with me, now: "awwwww".)

Cue the wankage. The post starts out fairly complimentary, with the person calmly explaining that (s)he's a thirty-year-old minister (of what, nobody's really sure; he uses "shalom" at the end of his post, ...then talks about attending seven years of "bible College") who's spent half of his life working various retail jobs. The post then digresses into a (rather fittingly, I suppose) preachy vacillation about how customer service slobs are actually "servents" (most of the annoyed C_S-ers jumped on the "let's make fun of his spelling!" bandwagon right away) and how, after more than thirteen years of being "shit on, beaten on, insulted and used", he "cant remember a single one". Behold:

"I am a servent. I accepted that post a long time ago. And it is because I did not complain at cleaning up shit, taking odd shifts, complain about customers who were rude or short sighted, cleaning up vomit, helping old ladies fix thier bra's, or change in open places... because I always worked as hard as i could, and gave eerybody I met my full attention, wether they deserved it or not. Worked alone every night for weeks on end in the Worlds largest holder of strange people, cut hair for people who smelt bad, and learned everything I could from every single person... I accepted marriage propasals from drunk men I did not know, when I could find that elusive Christmas present, under ten dollers, that thier mother just had to have, I tended to those who had been robbed, and were sure it was my fault, and I have talked with little old ladies on the phone for an hour, who couldnt get my name right, and were sure that they left thier earings in our store, when really, they hadnt bought any in the first place. I have been slapped, hit on, stalked, and insulted.

Yet, I cannot remember detials, nor do I find that any of it stays with me really at all. I learn what I can, and move on."

Yeah, we get it, Mr. Holier-Than-Thou; you're better than us, and I'm willing to bet your dick is bigger, too. May God Allah be with you.

Oh, and the REAL stinger? Here's the icon Preacher Man (or The Creator's Childe, as he calls himself) uses in his tidings of good will and even better customer service:

9:44pm: Incoming!
I found some wank on the end of the Osbournes, and reality shows, in general. Strangely enough, it's on a Power Rangers board. Yes, I was on a Power Rangers board. I was looking for wank, I swear! That was all!

I can't link to individual posts unfortunately, so I'm going to copy and paste the good ones, and just link the first page.
( Cut for the longness factor )