Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

12:26am: The wank that nearly made my head explode
Sorry for posting twice but this topic will most likely end up killing me.

http://www.shoujoai.com/forum/topic_show.pl?tid=15626

What if Yukito from CCS was secretly a girl! Despite it being plainly spelled out in the manga that he's NOT. And watch as the poster doesn't seem to realize that the terms 'genderless' and 'female' aren't interchangeable.

And yes I'm wanking like a madwoman there.


Icz

10:18am: Wank on, Durannies
A new Duran Duran wank - not at all related to Justin Timberlake.

Duran have announced that they will soon be introducing a paid members-only site. Some fans aren't happy. The thread begins with a well-reasoned list of pro's and con's.

The discussion devolves into a wank about free market theory and The American Way.

What the shit, indeed.

2:09pm: The lady doth protest too much
Wasn't going to post this, but it reminded me a lot of that FictionAlley wank not long ago, except wankier.

Cmdrtsl: Writers are too restrained, because they refuse to write fics where people "fix" history by going back in time to save the Romanovs.

Cougarmint: You're right! Anti-Mary Sue people are evil because they stifle my creativity!

Um, WTF? That had to do with what he said...how?

In the rest of her post, we learn:

Anti-MS = "Advanced" fandom. (I am so L33T!!!!11!)

OCs that aren't Mary Sues are ugly and therefore uninteresting!

Rattle on about your OC all you want, 'cause that equals "depth", no matter how it sidelines the canon characters.

MS tests say that if you plan your character she's a Mary Sue. Since they say that research is bad, they must be wrong! *beats straw man*

...and later, reiteration of the world's oldest anti-anti-Sue argument:

( But fanfiction's supposed to be FUN so I can do whatever I want! )

And then I wanked back. I'm not too pretentious proud to admit it. :P

And then later: I'm writing a novel with a character you can't help but love!

3:45pm: A bit of self-wank
Well, a week or so ago, I started up a community on lj, potterbadfic. I half-expected it to get wanky, but frankly, I didn't care, as I find badfic kinda funny.

Well, it didn't take as long as I thought.

It appears that phatnat003 made a bit of a goof. In a post (which I deleted at first, then thought better of and reposted) she made last night, she posted a bit of smut. Not just any smut, mind you, but my smut. I also posted a request for the required excerpt, as noted in the template.

I then went on to explain my smut. Probably the biggest mistake I made, as it really turned me into the wanker. The wankiness is small-time, yes. However, I'm giving y'all ha heads-up, so that you can laugh at me and my stupidity.

I guess I was asking for this. *ponces off to roll in his own wank*

4:41pm: GryffindorTower.net: NO ONE CAN FEEL WANK LIKE WE CAN! *slitz wrists*
The fledgling, mostly-behind-closed-doors Harry Potter/GryffindorTower.net wank is now gloriously in the open. Well, some of it, at least. And I owe it all to a helpful anon in the original heads-up post.

To reiterate, GryffindorTower.net is was the premiere Harry/Ginny fansite. A few days ago, the "queens" (admins/mods) announced it was closing (for reals this time!) in a long, melodramatic goodbye post that fingered at least one admin/mod as the culprit and repeated part of a private email from her. Sadly that has been erased now, but it is preserved here. Thank you, F_W.

The Yahoo!group, Queens of H and G explodes in wank.

Since who the hell wants to sub just to read it, I have reproduced some of it here for your wanking reading pleasure.

Highlights:
( Adam: OMG THE SITE CAN'T COME DOWN H/G IS ALL I HAVE! )
( Former scapegoat, Paula, posts by proxy. )
( roc112: You have much to learn, young Paula. Perhaps some pseudo-wisdom will help? )
( Marian, former Queen: It was all my fault. Sorry. )
( Adam: Wait, you're sorry... that means... WE CAN HAVE THE SITE BACK?? )
( Marian: Okay, STFU MY PAIN IZ SO D33P! )
( Lesley: Like, you are SO not in mourning. MY pain is greater than YOURS! )
( Marian: Nuh-UH! MY pain can beat up YOUR pain! )
( Seriously_sirius_2003: A call for reason. Also, YOU BROUGHT IT ON YOURSELVES, WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE MEMBERS! )

And on it goes. Classic, classic stuff, guys.

Meanwhile, on LJ...

runechilduk, a former mod/admin, waxes poetic about his time there:

To paraphrase C. S. Lewis, I saw Gryffindor Tower born; I never thought I would be here to see its death. In the moments that I speculated on GT's final moments, I always envisaged an incredible party about six months after the book seven release, where we would all celebrate the fulfillment of H/G and the end of a glorious era, before leaving with lifetime friendships and incredible memories. I guess this was never meant to be.

*sniff*

In related news, there is a brand-new troll journal, fandomquibbler, who dares to pry into everyone's business ask the tough questions. Fun in the comments to be had by all! (ETA: Wow, we're really getting somewhere now!)

The Perspective Fairy does not deliver her gifts to all households, it seems.

5:13pm: Vive la wank!
Oh my this is some of my personal favorite wank I've ever gotten to witness. ::wipes tear:: Really, it's beautiful.

So, we have La Révolution Française, what purports to be a historically based, French Revolution RPG. Note that it is misspelled "le revolution" in the actual URL for the board. In my experience it is perhaps the biggest Suefest in the history of the known world, not to mention so totally historically whacked out I can't begin to explain it, but I'm a geek of the period so that's neither here nor there.

After a rant post by the mod, Adele, about the prevalance of Sues on the board, she busts into the middle of someone else's thread and bitches about the copying and the blatant Mary Sueness of it all (never mind that her characters are complete Sues anyway). This results in some really beautiful wank where at least four characters off themselves in the middle of an inn with no explanation in protest. Sadly, most of that got deleted, but there are some remnants on the second page of the above link.

Of course it gets better! Blanche decides, in an exit post that gave me so many wankgasms I went through an entire pack of cigarettes, to vent her spleen in truly wanky fashion. It's a doozy, but my favorite quote has to be this.

I hate every single one of you. I hate Ambre. I hate Veronique. I hate Mathis. I hate Aveline. I hate Zephryine. I hate Justine. I hate Bailey. I hate Aneron. I hate Jolie. I hate Odette. I hate Princess. I hate Javert. I hate Blanche. I hate Laurie. I hate EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. EVERYONE. This has really spoiled my evening, it really has.

Wow, so subtle. So classy. So... wanky.

ETA: The first link has been deleted. ::sob, plays taps:: As of now, the second is still good.

5:41pm: Heh.
This was actually taken from an earlier wank, but it's turned into /another/ wank, or at least has the potential for it.

Unfortunately, I can seriously foresee the demise of fanficrants on lj because some wanker has decided to get pissy and say: If you don't like it, don't read it!

8:13pm: Roleplaying fans WANK ON!
So, over at Bad_Rpers_Suck, larzmachine posts a story about a player who frustrated her. Well, it's the place for it, though in it she strongly underlined that the reason he was such a troublemaker was that he was a D&D fan and she was using GURPS, which is totally way better. "He not only tried to do everything The D&D Way(TM) (as in everything was endlessly described in pedantic D&D terminology like insisting the Mafia was actually the "thieves' guild" regardless of the fact that it was based on the modern Mafia, resistance rolls were "saving throws," etc; demanded his character be described in D&D terms except for the game mechanics, and all sorts of other sins)...")

Someone asks what GURPS (General Universe Role-Playing System) is, and larzmachine says that it's the only system that WORKS. Bensanaz politely disagrees, and larzmachine gets bitchy. As the debate escalates, larzmachine wanks all over the thread - too much to link individually, though a few good quotes from her:

GMs who can't deal with realism aren't anything but enablers for munchkins and other powergamers.

The D&D evangelist started out by providing nonexistent evidence and trying to go off on tangents rather than provide a single fact, while whining incessantly because I won't accept their uninformed opinion as completely factual. Since that was shown to be what qualifies as intelligent debate in their mind, I responded in kind.

>I'm a professor of English, both writing and literature"
Sure you are. That's why you spend so much time on a gaming forum...

>I think the old 'agree to disagree' horse needs trotting out here.
This is one of the most pathetic concepts humans have ever dreamed up (next to karma and deconstructivism). It's a pathetic attempt to get the other side to admit the other's ridiculous "point" has merit. I'm not that stupid.

Meanwhile, bensanaz belongs over here, and brings on the snark in a beautiful, beautiful way; this is my favourite.

EDIT: Larzmachine has been banned!. Since I hear that in his LJ, he tends to bitch about all the mods who ban him without any reason, I imagine there may be some lovely wank about to show up there as well.

9:59pm: Character-bashing is Bad, Mmmmmkay?
Yes, Virigina, there *are* people who like the girls from Weiß Kreuz! As this tiny li'l wanklet proves (Hey, wait! I thought my SN over here already did *most* of the proving of that!)...

For those of you who weren't aware, or were maintaining blissful ignorance, Weiß Kreuz is a show about four hot guys who run a flower shop by day and kill people by night. Of course, being four hot guys, with four hot enemies, they draw lots of yaoi attention. Some people, however, who vaguely call themselves Het-shippers, like het pairings for these four hot guys. Not all the time, and not exclusively, but they like het. OKAY!?! Good.

Het-shippers don't like their pet girls getting bashed. Witness!

Someone, with a pretty bland sense of humor, writes a Sakura-Bashing fic. By Gundam Wing or Slayers standards, this is sub-par, at best. However, this asshat manged to get the attention of the tiny, close-knit band of passing Het-shippers! Watch as the flames go higher and higher! She gets a few generic pats on the back before they ride in, the clip-clop of hooves overheard in the distance as two of the four Tohru of the Apocalypse, Crystal Dawn and GangstaVidel make their appearances to smack her down. Just like Star_of_Heaven said she (Crystal Dawn) would.

And the author, quite predictably actually, invokes the now infamous "If you don't like it, DON'T READ/LOOK AT/ACKNOWLEDGE IT!" line. (Actually, I think she did - I couldn't wade through her spelling in the reply review too well...) Well, I suppose it would've been smart for the author to do that before she started writing bashing fics, right? And badly spelled reply reviews...

Oh, and... CD would like you all to know that she would like to have first dibs on getting a new corollary to Godwin's Law named after her: "Anyone found to be using "If you don't like it, DON'T READ/LOOK IT!" as a defense to bad fanfiction, screaming kids, or anything else, is hereby declared to be the de facto loser of the argument."

And the Het-shippers would like you to know that they can wank it with the best of 'em.

11:39pm: BTVS Xander-wank
This is a bit of an older wank, but non the less HUGE (if you get a chance to check out the entire discussion) and wanktastic. So:

Sadly enough, in the Buffy fandom, the already-small faction of Xander-fans (and the more insane Xanderistas [thank you, Mary ^_^]) are pretty much horribly split when it comes to fiction. There are the het-ficers (who are notoriously Marty-Stuish when it comes to the poor fellow), the slashers (who have pretty much made the boy THE slut of Sunnydale), and the (few, the proud, the) bifictional, who'll read whatever they can find through the swamp of painful Spuffy and Willow-crossed-with-everything fics. So when the Linoleum Awards came up [the first fanfiction awards set up for Xander-fic], there was an interesting mix of stuff up for awards. But when the winners were announced, some of the people on one of my mailinglists (the het-fic one titled "XanderZone") had a hissy fit because a slash story beat out the het story for "Best Characterization". Since it's a ML, I'll post some of the great stuff:

( Xander's not gay, so it's immediately bad characterization! )
( Rigged, I tell you! )
( Well, have you read it? )
( Return of the Moral High Ground... )
( Someone with a bit of gratitude and manners shows up... )
Which basically ended the discussion. Not that I've seen any decrease in the jerk-ratio, especially considering homosexuality as a whole. Everyone's just fine with GIRL on GIRL, but GOD FORBID if a man is gay. V. annoying, if I may say. I personally try to be bifictional, but with such a double standard, it gets annoying every once in a while and explodes as such. So there : )