Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

8:28am: Two itsy-bitsy wanks.
I don't seem to hang out in the right places to find bigass wanks... but small ones can be cute.

MORE POTTERSUES WANK:

As well as Tom Riddle's beautiful daughters Serenity and Anastasia, pottersues occasionally posts stories that actually have decent OC's in them. Not often, because there aren't that many of them, and probably at least partially because when she does, things get wanky.

So not long ago, the Sue of the Day was a Quidditch-playing Hufflepuff OC who falls for Goyle (!?). It was pretty decent, so she rated it a 'wow!', which is the rating given to anything that's really too good to be a Sue. Halfway down the comments page, the readers start bitching: posting well-developed characters on pottersues will destroy the fandom!

IMO, it's detrimental to the cause of good fanfiction to label an original female character as "Mary Sue" just because she's an original female character.

The 'cause' of good fanfiction. Pottersues is gonna change the world, man.

--

GROBANIAN WANK:

'Grobanian Wank'... that sounds like a sausage. This one is itsy, but it just makes me so proud to see my own fandom wanking!

Some background: Grobania is the land peopled by Grobanites, who are the fans of Josh Groban. Josh Groban is an unbelievably pretty man with an unbelievably pretty voice. He sings in four languages, plays the piano and the drums, and all things considered is probably about six times as talented as any human being has a right to be. I'm not sure what the average JG fan is like, but I have a feeling these people wouldn't touch Italian Ballads with a 12-foot-pole if it weren't for the cute face attatched (and I'm speaking from experience here... *shuffles feet*).

So he just released a new album that's thematically a bit different from his first one. It's been out a couple of weeks now, and is coming up against the fact that no matter what you do, somebody, somewhere, is not gonna like it.

In this case, 'somebody' was People magazine.

Well!

"They said WHAT???"

"Reviewers dun know s***" (yep - self-censored)

"they're all retarded"

"They just don't understand true, beautiful music anymore"

"the Spanish and Italian tracks are way sappier than any of the English ones." "But italian manages to make sap sound so much more profound."

Oasis, Avril Lavigne, Harry Potter, and Pirates of the Carribean are all compared to Josh for various reasons, the voices of sanity are ignored, the fandom has a love/hate relationship with Clay Aiken, and the devoted Grobanites reassure each other of their 1337 musical taste! I'm watching for this one to grow.

12:38pm: OMG CLAY AIKEN IS LIKE SO MEEN 2 KITTIEEZ KTHXBAI
Where to start, where to start...

Over the summer, Clay Aiken was on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine and was their featured artist for the month. In his interview, he said: "I think cats are Satan. There's nothing worse to me than a house cat. When I was about 16, I had a kitten and ran over it. Seeing that cat die, I actually think that its spirit has haunted me. I wasn't afraid of cats before. But now they scare me to death."

A few months later, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) decided to run an ad with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog wearing a little bandaid over his dangly bits, with the caption "Get Neutered - it didn't hurt Clay Aiken." Said PETA: "[We] chose to target Clay Aiken because he recently told Rolling Stone, 'I think cats are Satan. There's nothing worse to me than a house cat. When I was about 16, I had a kitten and ran over it.' PETA deals with dozens of cases of cruelty to cats every week and knows firsthand how damaging statements like this can be-impressionable kids often mimic what their 'idols' do. Aiken never responded when PETA wrote to him."

Anyone who reads the entire quote would know that it had been a terrible, traumatizing accident and that he doesn't like housecats because he feels so guilty about what happened that he thinks all cats hate him. OK, so maybe Clay Aiken is completely delusional, but still!! Even worse, PETA has also said that they'll retract the whole campaign if Clay posts a page-sized ad for PETA on his official web site and publicly apologizes for saying he doesn't like cats.

Anyway, it seems Clay was not at all pleased by the swipe at his sexuality, and has since sicced his lawyer on them. 237425688162 Clay fans wrote irate e-mails and made irate phone calls about it. ClayAiken.org then linked to the following article: "Aiken irked by PETA's measure of his manhood," run in the Chicago Sun-Times last week.

Of course, the folks on ClayAiken.org were instantly torn by this, ahem, obviously pressing issue. =)

( Links to hundreds of wanky posts ahoy! )

OK, I think the PETA ad was an obvious smear campaign fueled by deliberate misinformation, but that's the funniest non-Harry-Potter wank I've seen in ages. ETA: This is a wank of beauty because not only did the fans wank to hell and back, but I also think it's a case of PETA flaming Clay and Clay pulling out the old "I'll sue you! That's slander!" card. It's a many-layered wank. It's wank parfait!

9:34pm: If anyone recalls the Tedius wank...well, apparently I'm not the only one who found all that wank overwhelming!

He posts that he's leaving. And like everything else he's posted, it's half "OMG STOP WRONGING ME" and half "what the fuck was he smoking?"

9:42pm: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee in the train "wreak" here how so
Easily "pure fans" stupidity show
(The post isn't long, but still the wank flows.)
The OP, she weeps and cries as she says
These things: she started "auguements", oh no!
Sorry, sorry, and sorry, ever so!
A small violin plays for you, we know!
In the midst of this--more wank (though not big)
Stop bashing my shows now!! (plzkthnxdie)
Overall it is small but worth a look.
(By the way, 'tis the very first post I
Have made here, so, please, mercy would be good.)