Mock. Mockmockmock. Mockity-mock-mock

9:29am: Legolas and an Ent sittin' in a tree ....
Ikyrian is traumatized by Legolas/Ent slash.

The author is not amused.

Well, maybe sort of, but really ... not.

( Includes pseudointellectual non-analysis that would make Freud proud ... )

1:55pm: And now, something (maybe slightly) different-- soap opera wank!
( some quick background on the wank )

( The wank begins with insider info )

( Oh no, they've found her out! )

( Let's bring DataLounge into it )

( 'I'm never gonna talk to you again, so there!' )

( Wank fallout )

2:31pm: Obscure music wank
The British band Goldfrapp has a female lead singer named Alison, an official site and a messageboard. This messageboard has a troll. No one notices.

The troll claims that Alison was extremely rude to him when they met and threw red wine at someone else.

Paper Bag replies with She's a STAR and stars should behave like this once in a while.

Wank ensues. The troll identifies himself as Brian Molko (yes, Placebo's lead singer) which has Monkeyhands asking: Shouldn't you be out smashing up hotel rooms instead of letting rip about your peers here?

After this revelation the thread drifts into the bizarre: an Apple vs. Windows discussion pops up and dies, shout-outs to British sports team, someone claims to be a band member of Jefferson Starship, Seattle sucks, eBay is the fastest growing country around the Planet, Phil Collins, Debbie Gibson, I wish you were a satellite channel, heroic couplets and Stephen Jones (Babybird) is really abusive live, but a nice guy in real life, long posts about Copyrights and fair use and the discovery of the Edit button. Hooray!

6:40pm: Sheesh. Send the girl a picture, for Chrissakes...
Interesting drama here

Pocketsimon sent a letter to Katy, Duran Duran's public relations person, about a friend of hers has MS and is very, very ill. She couldn't make it to the show because of her Chemo, so she asked if the band could maybe autograph a picture or send her a note. It would really make the sick woman feel better, lift her spirits, whatever.

The response: "I wish I could, but the band sell autographed pictures on the site and it wouldn't be fair to the people who have purchased them."

( Now Pocketsimon has a crisis of faith in the band, now seeing that they're in it just for the money (Duh!). )

So the faithful come up and tell her that it's because the band don't want to be taken to the cleaners by scammers who will take that personally autographed picture and run to EBAY with it.

( Several people tell her to provide proof to the band her friend is ill )

( And then the faithful tell her not to lose faith in Duran. (Are they a band or religious figures? I'm confused....) )

( Then we have the discussion that obviously the sick woman is faking and a big liar because MS doesn't require chemo )

( And my favorite quote... )


Me? I'm on board with Spitting Kitty, myself. Send the girl a picture. It's not going to hurt anyone, sign it personally so she can't auction it, and act human. It won't kill them or the profit margin.

6:45pm: And again, there is Fire Emblem wank.

Background info: The Fire Emblem series of strategy-RPGs never made it across the pond for a US release, until the seventh game in the series was released this November. However, two characters from older games (Marth from FE1/3 and Roy from FE6) appeared in the fighting game Super Smash Bros Melee. Neither of them is in this FE game (although one of the heroes is Roy's father).

However, sometimes we see people asking whether they're there, or why they aren't there, et cetera.

However, I think doing a petition for a big yellow banner when you post saying "Roy and Marth are not in this game" is overkill. And around page six of the first link, there's some wankage from other people who think the same thing.

Yeah, I get annoyed by SSBM fanboys who assume that by playing SSBM, they are qualified FE experts, but I think this is just stupid.

7:11pm: The heartbreak of the un-gamma-corrected.
I've seen plenty of "You don't love me enough!!!!!" wank before, but none quite like this.

Webcrowmancer writes fanfic. She also apparently draws or does photomanips or something. She seems like a nice enough person, she's well-liked in her fandoms, and her stuff's pretty good.

Then she sees her website on a decent monitor, and it all goes to hell in a tantrum of Gloria-Swanson-esque proportions.

Since deleting her entire website apparently failed to make her point, the drama is continued here, complete with many of Webcrowmancer's befuddled friends going "Whaaaaaaa---???"

She very nearly hits "tilt" on the Diva-Meter. Chris Gaines is impressed.

EDIT: And she deletes the wank about deleting the website. But wait!

( "I'm removing the offending html pages, and therefore retreating out of fandom into my little darkened room where I can take some time to try to understand the nature of humanity and fandom." )

8:07pm: Not-Bob will "SUE" us all!
Some of you may recall Not-Bob from a wank here and here mid last week. Shortly after that, Not-Bob went on vacation for the weekend. The residents of pottersues mourned the passing of their amusement and sat around making NUMEROUS Evil Minion icons of all sorts. Then, today, Not-Bob finally came back! Apparently she(he? It?) doesn't like the name you've given her (I'm just going to assume it's a 'she')

100% PMS!!!! PMS ALL THE TIME!!! THAT MUST BE POTTERSUES PROBLEM!!!!! And what does bob mean anyway?????? Yes I know something lesbian so nevermind!!!!!!!!

At first it doesn't seem quite like our good old Not-Bob, as she apparently lost (found?) her CAPS LOCK key for a few sentences, but we were soon relieved when the later posts returned to Not-Bobs unique style of ALL CAPS, lack of punctuation, and any semblance of logic:


STFU YOU DUMB BITCH
I'M GOING TO GET YOU AND POTTERSUES TOO DUMB BITCH!!!! I'M GOING TO
DESTROY THIS PLACE!!!!!!!
I'LL SUE YOU AND THEN REPORT YOU TO LIVEJOURNAL. THIS HAS TO BE ILLIGAL AND IF IT ISN'T THEN I WILL MAKE IT ILLIGAL!!!!!!!

All of this made more amusing by one Narnian Dreamer offering grammatical corrections to each of the flames. Then there's the best line of the entire thread:


MY NAME IS NOT BOB YOU FREAK IF YOU WANT TO CALL ME ANYTHING YOU CAN CALL ME YOUR DOWNFALL!!!!!!

To which clairehuflpuf replied "We know your name is Not-Bob. That's why we've been calling you that."

8:48pm: Some tasty fresh Lotrips wank
Ya'll know what's worse than plagiarizing? Plagiarizing from a popular work of fiction and thinking nobody will notice.

Ya'll know what's even worse than getting caught? Getting caught by sockpuppets.